What Makes Me Awesome

So, there I was innocently minding my own business on facebook.  When suddenly Smrt Mama posted all sorts of things that I found interesting and possibly even important.  In the midst of all the things she shared was something she put on her blog back in November.  It was an exercise in realizing how incredible you are.  I didn't do it then.  I was busy, tired, had all sorts of excuses.  But today I decided I'd take a crack at it.  What about you?  Are you ready to see how awesome you are?

Mixing Hormones, Emotions, and Babies

I put myself out there in this blog a lot, I think.  I risk judgment and ridicule because I think what I have to say might reach someone who needs to hear it.  Yes, many of my posts are entertaining (I hope) or simply reviews of our homeschooling lives or silly things the kids do and say.  But, on occasion, I write something that could be a bit controversial.  Today might be one of those days.

I've thought about this post for a long time.  It's a topic that I've mulled over in my mind for seven and a half years now.  I wasn't sure how to write about it, though.  I'm still not...but I'm going to give it a try.  Recently there was a 4-month-old taken to the hospital and found to have been repeatedly abused by his mother (story here).  This is one of those things that is easy to feel badly about, even get angry about, but to also let go of easily because it won't happen to you or me, right? 

Mixing It Up!

So, I was perusing the new books section at the library last week and found a fascinating book called The Wisdom of Your Child's Face, by Jean Hanner.  What really caught my eye was the subtitle: "Discover Your Child's True Nature with Chinese Face Reading."  The Chinese face reading part wasn't anything I'd ever heard of, but discovering my children's true natures...that sounded great!  I mean, I spend all day, every day with them.  Knowing their personalities, tendencies, differences in what nature has provided them might come in handy. 

What have I discovered with this cool find?  That Chinese face reading probably takes years to master.  I've had the book for about a week.  I don't have it down yet.  Here are the basics, though...the Chinese believe that our faces give hints of our futures and tell the tales of our pasts.  In our faces can be seen our personalities, our hardships, our joys.  Some of it is a little hard to accept at face value, if you will.  But I love the idea of it. 

Chinese face reading uses the shapes of our eyes, brows, hairlines, ears, chins, noses, even the little spot between the upper lip and nose, which I learned is called the philtrum, to determine which of the Five Elements are expressed most strongly in us.  The book is broken into sections for each of the Elements.  Within each section, the writing begins with anecdotes of children whose personalities are of that Element then moves on to tell which traits can be seen in a child who matches up.  I found myself nodding as I read through a few of them...

"Yes, this is Gracie!"

"Oh my goodness...that's so me!"

"OK.  No question here...this is Jace."

Tyler was a little less clear, perhaps because he's so young yet.  But I still think I know which Element is his, at least for now.  Hanner states that one element may be stronger in a child's face and personality early on, but then may change as they grow.  Also, there may be more than one Element at the forefront of their personalities.  So, here's what I think we've got going on...

I believe I'm of the Earth.  That Element's temperament is mothering (duh!), stable, patient, and diplomatic.  I think that fits me. 

Scott is Wood, I think.  Wood personalities tend to be direct, focused, strong, hard-working, yet flexible. 

Metal fits Jace.  These people tend to be visionaries, determined, persistent, and organized.

Without a doubt, Gracie is Fire.  She's dynamic and bright free spirit and a lover. 

Tyler was a little tricky, as I said.  But I think he might be lean toward Water, except that he does not like to be in water, unless it's the tub.  In Georgia he'd stand out in that insane heat and walk around the pool while the rest of us cooled off in the water.  The traits associated with water, though, are flexibility and calmness.  I also see a lot of Fire in him too.  So, I don't really know.

Even though I don't have Tyler figured out for sure, I do know that we've got a lot of personality going on! 

And, what am I taking from this exercise?  Well, I heard one time that people who are great in their fields had parents who didn't hold them back.  What if Barbara Walter's parents had shut her up every time she talked?  Or Oprah's?  What if a famous dancer (I don't know any names off the top of my head) was told to sit down every time he or she jumped off the couch.  What is Bill Gates wasn't allowed to stick his head in a book or open his own lemonade stand?  (I don't know if he ever really had a stand as a child...just saying...)

Ever since hearing that insight I've hoped I'm not hampering Gracie's spirit when I ask her not to laugh so hard.  I hope I'm not holding Jace back by telling him that he's not going to have a slew of people join his adventure club.  Hanner's book gave me another lens to look at their personalities through, another way of understanding their true natures.  Hopefully with these new descriptions of my children I can support them even more...somehow.  I can allow Jace his dreams of inventing everything from jet packs to a make-my-parents-let-me-do-what-I-want-inators.  I can hopefully encourage Gracie's love of dance, gymnastics, singing, and, of course, dressing pretty.  Tyler just wants to "play all day."  Doable.

As always, I'm looking for little ways, new philosophies, ideas and suggestions...whatever can help me be the best mother I can be* right now for these incredible kids.  Knowing which of the Five Elements each of my children expresses is another entry in my bag of tricks.

*Um...yeah...I'm totally an Earth Element mama! 

Self-reflection and Thanks

Ladies, ladies...thank you so much for the pats on the back and the encouragement.  I really don't think I'm a horrible mother.  I do, however, think I have not-so-great moments.  I'm human.  What can I say?

I am very thankful that you all responded so quickly and with such certainty that my kids are in good hands.  Here's a little bit of an email my dearest friend sent me after reading my confession:

You want to know why you're a Super Mom? Because after you got done scolding your kids and making them pick up, you went upstairs and realized you'd perhaps vented a little misplaced frustration and realized that your kids are just being kids (and not bad ones), you cried because you're a Super Mom. Unsuper Moms don't realize those things. Unsuper Moms tromp upstairs and fume about their pain in the ass kids and absent husbands. If Unsuper Moms cry it's because they realize they can't off their offspring without being caught, and they're stuck with them for years to come, and it's only going to get worse. Super Moms accept hugs from their 5 yr olds and wonder if they're doing irreparable damage...which you're not. If your kids end up in therapy because of you, its going to be for something you do years from now....I can guarantee you haven't earned Unsuper-status yet and aren't going to any time soon. I'm betting on no parentally-earned therapy for your kids, period.

I love that she doesn't discount the idea that I could do something in the future that will put my kids in therapy!  Her support is laden with humor!  However, I think I might agree with what she's getting at.  I don't claim to be super anything, really, but I do think that there is something to realizing our mistakes.  Even in the moments where I haven't known what to do with a certain parenting situation and I thought I might be at my wits end, I haven't wanted to give them up.  I do love these three monkeys.  I do love their father.  It's a good thing.

And I like that I'm honest with the kids.  I think it's a good thing that I can admit to them when I've made a mistake or when the strength of my yelling wasn't quite proportionate with the transgression they committed.  I even think I'm getting better at letting go of the frustration and moving on to play Legos, read books, watch movies...have fun with the kids again.  I have noticed how quickly the kids move past being in trouble and I'm making a conscious effort (being intentional in 2011) to do so as well.   

I've always been honest with the kids about my emotions, which are many!  They know that sometimes I don't want to read a book because I'm tired and sometimes its because I'm lazy and sometimes its because I'm annoyed.  They also know that in five or ten minutes they can ask if I'm still feeling that way and I'm probably not and will likely read them a book.  So, even when Scott's gone, I'm not "strong for them," as some people try to be.  Instead, they know that I'm sad, that I miss him, and that crying about it sometimes is OK.  It's perfectly acceptable to wear our "daddy" shirts and talk about him.  It's also OK to have fun while he's gone and share those stories with him.  And we're all in it together.

Lastly, I'm making an effort to get to sleep earlier.  I'm currently trying to find the balance between a little kid-free me time after their bedtimes and the longer amount of time it takes me to actually get to sleep without Scott.  It's a tricky balance.  I am also over my cravings for Mt. Dew, which is spectacular to say.  I know some of you thought I was being a little hard on myself for having this one little vice.  But it wasn't little and it wasn't one.  It was a daily habit (often more than one a day) in a diet that is reasonably healthy otherwise.  And the cycle of caffeine, including the crash, was not something that I enjoyed.  I much prefer healthy eating, adequate sleep, and stable moods.  I'm sure the kids do too!  So, we're well on our way to "back on track" with that!

OK, one more thing...

I didn't write yesterday's post to fish for parenting compliments.  I like to be real.  I am real.  I want to put myself out there so other parents, spouses, whomever reads my writings know that they're not alone.  We all shine sometimes and we all need a lot of polishing other times.  Thank you for all rubbing you guys do!  Hopefully I can help you put a little gleam in your armor when you need it too!

"Tell me about your relationship with your mother..."

I know it's not always the mother that is the root of all mental health issues, but lately I feel like it is going to be me that the kids will have deep seeded issues they'll need to work out on some one's couch some day.  Does anyone still use a couch?  Probably...probably those that cost an arm and a leg...good thing Gracie has several jobs lined up and Jace is crazy smart and Tyler's going to be a robber.  That way they can pay for all the therapy I feel like I'm setting them up for. 

(For the record, I don't think Tyler's going to be a robber - Jace does.  I see him more as a cool high school teacher and coach.)

OK, I'm hopefully not really causing that much mental anguish, but I kind of feel like I'm a total wreck and, therefore, not being a great mama.  Last night I walked downstairs to look at the classroom, which I hadn't thought about in a week and a half.  I blew.  I yelled every one's name and scolded them for the mess and yelled at them to clean it up.  I made myself very clear that anything that was in my way this morning when I came down to teach them would get put in a garbage bag and thrown into the garbage bin.  Then I stomped upstairs immediately regretting the yelling, what I said, how I said it. 

Our classroom is also our playroom.  There are Legos (a lot of Legos) that are allowed to stay out and set up on a coffee table very near our classroom table.  So, obviously, when not kept in check, the little Lego men expand their lands under the table and on the table and wherever else they can think of.  It only makes sense.  And Gracie likes to color and those materials are in a cart right next to the table too.  So, again, when not kept in check, they'll get left on the table and dropped on the floor.  I haven't been checking.  The kids are 7, 5, and 3 years old...they haven't been caring.  Of course the table is covered and the floor is covered.  Of course. 

Of freakin' course! 

So I cried.  I haven't been sleeping well, although not for lack of trying.  I miss my husband more than I thought I would, which probably sounds bad, but honestly he hasn't been around much the last few months anyway, so I didn't think his not being around at all would hurt so much.  That probably doesn't sound any better.  Anyway, I'm also trying to kick the treats of the holidays and my old friend Mt. Dew to the curb and might be suffering from withdrawal.  Whatever the reasons...I cried. 

And Gracie came up from cleaning up the classroom and gave me a big hug, and apologized for frustrating me by not picking up her toys.  The first thing that came to mind was the fact that abused women often apologize to their abusers for 'making them' so angry.  That's when I thought that it may not always be the mom, but in our case it might be.

And, while I sit here writing this, Tyler is sitting next to me counting the letters on my shirt.  (I didn't know he could count to six!)  And then he asked me what my t-shirt says.

SUPER MOM

SUPER WIFE

SUPER TIRED

That's the shirt...and when I read it to him?  You guessed it - I cried!  See?  I'm a wreck!  I don't feel super anything...except tired.  That definitely describes me these days.  

So, what's my point?  I don't want to be the reason my kids seek therapy in the future, but I fear that life isn't always about what I want.  Bummer, huh?

It IS Worth It

I just read this:  Domestic Diva's Vision for 2011.  I recommend it.  It was a wonderful read and a great reminder that the role of mother (or father for that matter) IS worth all that it takes out of us.

I'm one of those parents that needs to be reminded sometimes, actually frequently, that I'm actually doing something!  Luckily I am reminded often and in many ways. 

The other night when I tucked Jace into bed he asked if I noticed that he tells me he loves me every night.  Of course I do!  It's one of those things that makes my world seem right.  And he's constantly looking for his opportunity to cuddle mama.  Even when I feel like I've been rubbed raw with his annoyances all day long, that fact is not lost on me.

I've heard many times over the years how well behaved our children are.  Hearing that has always helped me realize that I am doing something for them.  By being home with them I am making a difference in their lives. 

When the kids laugh or giggle, that joy in their eyes erases any doubt that I might have about being a stay at home mother. 

It is easy to lose site of the meaning of our work, as stay-at-home mothers, amidst the chaos of daily life...laundry, dishes, diapers.  But it's just as easy to see the reminders everywhere.  You just have to chose what to look for.  Consider yourself reminded!  It is worth it!

Does It Ever End?

In the midst of this thankful month...I'd like to share a few thoughts on housework. 

I don't like laundry and dishes.  Mostly I don't like the fact that they never end and stack up so quickly.  A few weeks ago we had a really busy week.  Along with being busy doing things other than laundry and dishes, we were still eating and wearing clothes.  This is what I saw one night:

dirty dishes

clean clothes

I eventually got everything cleaned up and put away.  But in the meantime, there was even more...it just never ends. 

So, what do I want to share with you about chores...I'm thankful that I have them, that I have the ability to complete them, and that Scott never judges when I don't.  I know some of you have probably had clothes piled high on the couch too and would never admit that out loud.  If that's you, you don't need to tell me, but try to hear what I'm saying...there's nothing wrong with that.  Life is about priorities and finding contentment, among other things, perhaps.  During that crazy busy week I still read to the kids and relaxed in front of the computer after they went to bed.  I could have taken those minutes to empty the dishwasher or fold clothes, but I didn't.  I'm good with that.  No guilt. 

Also, I'm not always so positive, but I try to be.  The gifts and blessing that have been given to me come with responsibility.  I like to think that anything worth doing has an upside and a down side.  My favorite example is sledding.  It's a thrill to go down that hill, with the crisp, cold wind in your face.  Then there's the walk back to the top.  Totally worth it.  It's the same with raising a family.  I'll gladly, although not always with a smile on my face, climb that hill again and again.  And again.

"Why Can't You Be More Like Her?"

I'm pretty sure that anyone who is a parent feels inadequate to be one, at least at times.  (If I'm alone in this...don't tell me.  Please!)  For me, my eldest doesn't help my insecurities. 

Sometimes he tries to encourage me and leaves me feeling less than encouraged, but laughing.  The first time I cut his hair at home with the trimmers was a perfect example of this.  I got all done and turned him to face the mirror. 

"How'd I do?" I asked. 
"Don't worry, Mama.  You'll get better," was his answer. 

Other times he doesn't even try to encourage me.  I have no idea why (other than the fact that I really can't park the car well) but he frequently comments on my driving ability.  He once saw a guy back over a curb and remarked, "Wow!  He's even worse than Mama!"  Like that's so unbelievable!  Geesh!

Today, he neither tried to put me down or gave me a left handed compliment.  He simply made an observation.  We were in the van playing cards while Tyler slept in the back seat and Gracie was at her gymnastics lesson.  The van next to us had another homeschooling family in it, friends of ours.  Jace's friend was sitting in the passenger seat of their van working on some worksheets.  His mother sat in the driver's seat doing something of her own, but occasionally helping him out.  At one point, Jace asked, "Why can't you be more like her?"

I asked how he meant and he said that I never help him with his work.  I decided that since neither of us was running into another room away from this conversation I'd let it ride...it was kind of nice to have the freedom to play a few turns before answering him.  When I did I pointed out that I do help him when he needs it, but that Gracie needs a lot more one-on-one attention at her age.  "Yeah, but you never tell me the answers."  Golly...well, that's totally unfair of me!

I assured him that his friend was also NOT being given the answers, but only help.  And we took a few more turns.  "But, you could do more with me.  I don't get to spend much time with you."

Can I tell you how much I just wanted to grab him up in my arms and hold him close forever?  How thankful I was that he just kept playing his cards and didn't see the tears well up in my eyes?  I wouldn't want to embarrass him and ruin the moment. 

I took a deep breath and smiled to myself.  After I played my turn I asked him if he'd like to do more with just me. 

"Uh...yeah."  Read that as, "Duh, Mama."

So, we're going to do more together.  I'm not sure when or how, yet.  But we will.  How can I resist?  And why would I want to?  I can't and I don't.  As much as that little boy drives me nuts...I love him.  I do. 

Noticing the Differences

In case this is your first visit here to my little blog home...we have three mostly wonderful kids. 



Halloween 2008


Jace
Our first born is definitely our most serious.  He loves learning, reading, watching TV, and being outside.  This summer he and Scott have done a lot of hiking.  Jace has a great sense of humor.  I feel like it's pretty sophisticated, but it might just be that my sense of humor isn't! 

Jace's current interests are karate, inventions, and learning cursive.  We just started cursive writing today, although he's been asking for weeks.  You've never seen a kid more excited!  He practiced the letters of his name, separately and together, for almost half an hour! 

Gracie

A bundle of unbridled energy!  She just has to jump, skip, laugh loudly, and (whenever possible) have her feet above her head!  She loves gymnastics, fashion, hair, jewelry, and all things girly!  She likes practicing writing and works hard to color in the lines...with every color she can find!

Every chance we get, Gracie likes to go places with me, without her brothers.  It doesn't matter where we go or what we do...she likes our "girl time!"  Gracie is reading more and more and enjoys homeschooling a great deal.  

Tyler

Our little guy is quite the monkey.  He's missing the tail and not covered in fur, but otherwise...totally monkey!  He likes to climb over anything.  Scott and I think it's more about the most direct route than climbing, but over the couch he goes!  He's mischievous like any little brother should be.  As a mother I probably shouldn't laugh, but it's quite funny when he goes up to Gracie and says, "Ha! Ha!" just to get her going!  

Tyler likes include vehicles.  That's pretty much it!  He likes trains, planes, cars, trucks, 4-wheelers, garbage trucks, firetrucks, police cars, motorcycles, construction vehicles...I'm sure I missed something, there are so many ways to get from here to there.  He also enjoys helping in the kitchen and cuddling with Mama! 

That's it...the kids in a nutshell.  It fascinates me to watch them grow and see where their interests are taking them.  There are certainly some things I don't enjoy...the apparent need to pick at each other, yelling or crying when someone touches someone else's toys, general obnoxiousness!  Mostly, though, they're quite fun. 

Staying home with them, and now teaching them, there are so many subtle things I've noticed about how they're unique.  It's a special gift, I think. 

The observation that prompted this whole post happened during math today.  Last week Jace was doing a review lesson that involved coloring half of an object.  He quickly shaded in half of everything with the side of his pencil.  Gracie's lesson today included the same task.  She got out her box of crayons and picked the colors she wanted for each item.  On the donut she colored the cake, frosting, and sprinkle halves each a different color.  She colored half the watermelon complete with red stripes on green background.  It hit me how different she and Jace are sometimes!  I can't wait to see how Tyler colors his lessons when he's learning fractions in a few years.

How Do You Do It: Parenting - Do We Need a Change?

Scott and I get asked a lot how we would handle a specific situation with our kids.  How we get them to go to bed.  How we get them to listen.  All sorts of questions that imply we're good parents.  I'm always a bit baffled that others see us as such great parenting role models.  I certainly don't feel like the best mom, at least not all the time.  But, on the other hand, I also feel like our kids are reasonably great kids.  There's a decent chance that Scott and I had something to do with that, I guess.  Right?  (Don't I sound confident?)

So, maybe we do have something to offer about how to parent.  But maybe not.  I guess it's up to you to decide. 

Scott and I are talkers and planners.  I think this helps as parents.  We can take any one subject and analyze it from every which way until we end up with a plan of attack that we think is a good start.  We usually have a Plan B, just in case.  When we learned we were going to have a baby we discussed how we'd do x, y, and z.  I think we felt pretty confident in our strategies and, like I said, haven't done too badly.  However, there's always room for improvement.  Always.

We've been known to let our kids cry it out, even when I didn't feel totally OK with this, but didn't know what else to do.  Scott's famous (really...it was on the radio!) for his two rules about crying:

1. Stand up when you cry.
2. Only one at a time.

We also have shared this little gem more than once, "Children are like terrorists and we do not negotiate with terrorists."

Now some of you might be reading this thinking we're right on.  Others might be hoping our kids make it to adulthood without any serious emotional scars.  I have to admit I stand someplace in the middle at this point.

As you know, I've been working on creating a more primal life for our family.  I was first inspired to revamp our food choices and strategies for being active.  Over the last several months I've begun reading some other blogs and articles that have me wondering about many other areas of our lives...including our parenting plan.  I read an article on parenting in Hunter-Gatherer societies and really began thinking about how we parent.  Was it time for some improvements?

The article mentioned a book by Alfie Kohn, Unconditional Parenting: Moving From Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason.  I decided to read it and see what improvements I could make.  How can I be an even better mom?

Well, I've read some of it.  I read the first few chapters and found myself wondering, "So, what do I do?"  Kohn seemed to have some pretty good reasons why my current strategy of parenting was more about control than helping my children become well-rounded and responsible adults.  I found myself agreeing with him that it does seem a bit childish to punish kids for not doing something by taking something else away.  The tit-for-tat auto response I seemed to have never felt quite right for me, but I didn't know what else to do.  And Kohn wasn't much help in the beginning of his book. 

So, I skipped several chapters.  I jumped right to the middle of the book and the principles of unconditional parenting.  First of all, the main focus of unconditional parenting is that our children feel loved unconditionally.  And it's about what they feel not what I think I'm portraying.  I know, I know...it sounds tricky, doesn't it. 

"When you come right down to it, the whole process of raising a kid is pretty damned inconvenient, particularly if you want to do it well.  If you're unwilling to give up any of your free time, if you want your house to stay quiet and clean, you might consider raising tropical fish instead."

That's probably my favorite quote from the whole book, at least the whole of what I read!  And I'm so glad Kohn sees that he's asking a lot from us as parents.  He also shares times that he struggles to live up to the standards he's set for himself.  I always feel better when others struggle like I do and when they want to struggle and be the best they can for their kids, like I do too.

So, it's not easy.  There's no special formula.  But do what you can to ensure your kids feel loved as often as possible. 

But, how do I do that?

Kohn suggests not rewarding for good behavior or punishing for poor behavior.  What?  That's what I said.  He wonders how our relationships would improve with our children is we stopped assuming they were testing limits, acting with malicious intent, trying to push our buttons and started asking why they're acting the way they are.  And what if we approached situations as problems to be solved rather than behavior to be punished or corrected?

He asks us to determine our long term goal as parents, and keep them in mind.  Sometime we need to stop the behavior immediately (running into traffic) but other times we just want the behavior to end (fighting over chores).  When the immediate ceasing of the behavior isn't necessary, what if we looked at the "problem" with our long term goal of creating responsible adults in mind.  And what if we gave our children enough respect so they could be part of the solution.

Just the other day I wanted Jace to do his math work and he wasn't.  He was digging his heels in and wanted to stand on his chair and all sorts of other things.  Initially I thought that he was simply testing me to see how far he could go.  I'd been reading Kohn's book, though, and decided to ask more and talk less, and see if the two of us together could reach a solution.  I first gave him the option of sitting in his chair or standing on the floor, letting him know either would be fine with me.  He (of course) asked if he could sit on the floor.  I didn't give an immediate "NO" without even thinking, which I'm quite guilty of doing.  Instead, I thought for a second and responded, "Not yet.  I'm helping Gracie too.  But if you'll sit in your chair or stand on the floor while I explain what you need to do, then you can sit on the floor with your lap desk to complete the assignment."  And that's what he did.  In fact, he sat on the floor and did three lessons instead of one!

So, maybe Kohn's on to something.  I'm not completely sold that I don't need to have a little control, but I do agree that controlling the kids should not be my goal and that if it appears to them that I'm not loving them then I'm not being the mom I want to be.

All in all, I don't know if I was any help to you!  But, if you're curious to learn more, go find the book yourself and give it a go!  Let me know what you learn.  As for my reading of it...I have to take it back to the library.  Someone else has a hold on it.  But I'm putting a hold on it again so I can get it back out and read more and again!

One note I'd like to make about parenting...Do your best to squash the guilt.  Even though I'm considering the very real possibility that the way I've been parenting for the last seven years has not been ideal, I'm not going to waste time beating myself up over it.  Do your best to live in the present and do your best now...and love them!  That's what it's all about in the end anyway.  Love them.

Friday Fill-In #13

1.How do you spend your deployment money, do you save, pay off bills or enjoy the extra money while it is there to buy the things you do not normally have? (from Troop Petrie)



We don't get a bonus or anything during patrols, but I do try to save money while Scott's gone. And if I'm not saving I'm trying to pay things down whilst he's gone so we'll have "extra" money (in that we won't be paying so much each month for other bills) when he's home again.


2.If you could relive one occasion or moment, what would it be? (from Currently On Land)



Good question...and just one? Hmm...our wedding day/night was a good time...or the birth of any one of the kids (maybe not the laboring, just the new baby in my arms)....but if I had to pick just one moment, I think it would be anyone of the times Scott kisses me unexpectedly. You know the little pecks that are a little more than a peck, but not enough to lead to anything. The ones that make you stop washing dishes for a moment and ask, "What was that for?" The only answer you get is a shrug and a smile. Those moments are worth reliving...not too often, not routinely, but with a casual frequency.


3.What’s the worst job you ever had and if it was so bad why did you take it? (from Faith and Deploying)



I don't know that I've had any jobs I would call "worst," but the hardest I ever had was picking apples out of the orchard. That was exhausting and I was so glad when I got hired someplace else after just a few weeks. I was so tired and hot and sore...a job that's certainly not for the faint of heart!


4.If you could play any character on TV, who would you be? (from Many Waters)



I think it would be totally awesome to be on The Amazing Race. But for a character...I think Angela, on Bones.


5.If you could become the world’s expert in something, what would it be? (from Army of Two)



Right now I'd like to be an expert in parenting. I feel like I'm running in circles and the kids just keep running quicker around me! I was thinking recently that a vacation from them where I could regroup and figure out my parenting strategy would be really nice!





So, there you have it...my two cents. Be sure to read everyone else's answers, too!

How Did It All Go Wrong?

I'm not a perfect mother and our kids, as darling as they can be when sleeping, are far from perfect too. Recently, they've been reasonably well-behaved, though. Even I have been impressed...until today.

Jace instructed Tyler to drop a rock on Gracie's back. Tyler's two. Jace is seven. One of them should have known better, right? Gracie later kicked Jace in the head. She's five, old enough to know not to kick people in the head.

So, where did it all go wrong?

A few weeks ago Primal Toad linked to a great article on primal parenting. I read through it, nodding my head, thinking "Yes...yes...we do that..." Then I hit hunter-gatherer concept #3. I stopped nodding quite so enthusiastically. In fact, I cocked my head to the side and wondered, "Really?"

"The way of the hunter-gatherer is based on a whole new level of trust, trust that children are people capable of making good decisions without external motivators."

Really? Yesterday, after I told them they couldn't slide down the steps into the front door on the top of a tote, Jace did tell Gracie, "You don't need to get your helmet. Mama won't let us go sliding." That's half a good decision I guess.

Apparently I need to work on my trust in their decision making to become a true primal parent. I'll do that...as long as they work on their good decision making. When that all happens we'll be able to turn things around and everything will go right again. I look forward to more of those days and less of days where people are kicking and hitting and...being kids.

Sunshine and Rain

You might think that this post is going to be about life in the Pacific Northwest, where it can be a clear and sunshiny day and suddenly, from the blue sky, big, fat rain drops will fall! But it's not. That does happen, but it's not the focus of my musings this afternoon.

Today, I'm all about taking the bad with the good. You see, I'm trying to grow some flowers. (Not really...I'm actually trying to grow my children, but let's just keep with the analogy...) In order for them to grow strong and vibrant, they need sunshine and rain.

We've had a little rain lately, in our homeschool garden. Nothing torrential, just some unexpected summer showers. I know things could be much worse. I know the day will come when I'll feel like a tsunami flooded our classroom. So, I am not complaining. I'm just saying that the first three weeks went exceptionally smoothly. This week we've had a few rough spots. That's OK. Sunshine and rain.

So, what's been going on? Each of my three little lovelies has tried to shade homeschooling this week...with a big gray cloud. What I've found, though, is that I'm at peace with our decision to homeschool and, therefore, their clouds aren't a sign of impending doom. Instead, I see them as healthy, nourishing rain that's necessary for our growth. (Maybe you've felt a similar peace at some point...when you know you're doing the right thing and obstacles don't get you down, but become stepping stones.)

Jace is really struggling with math. If he knows how to do it, he's great! He'll zip through that part of the assignment happily and correctly. If he doesn't know it, he'll cry. He'll pout. He'll whine. He'll be completely miserable! And I'm talking complete melt down. I don't want to yell at him because, no matter what, he has to do math. He needs to learn these skills. And I'm his teacher. So, if I can't bully him into learning math, what can I do? Get physical!

His assignment yesterday included writing the number that came before the number given, counting by two's. For example, ____ 44. The answer would be...42. Well done! Jace knows how to count by two's going forward, but was completely stumped going back. Yesterday I worked with him to think about the fact that the tens doesn't change, and the ones digit is either 0, 2, 4, 6, or 8. He trudged through it. But I didn't want to trudge.

So, today we got out of our seats. We took steps forward counting by two's. All over the basement chanting, "2, 4, 6, 8, 10, 12..." You get the idea. Once he was really into it and laughing with me, I had him direct me in moving forward or backward. When he said to go backward I counted backwards by two's as well. He loved it! And pretty soon..."Can I try?"

After that he did fine with his math today. I know it won't be the last obstacle we have with him, but I think he enjoyed a new way of learning. He even wanted to walk backward on the street when we took a little stroll before lunch, and counted backwards by two's and five's!

Gracie, has started getting easily worn out and needing frequent breaks. I have yet to figure out if she's trying to get out of things or if she's really tiring quickly. Either way, when her attention span is at it's limit, I give her the break she needs. I get enough tears from Jace, I don't need any from her! However, when she gets a break it's not to go play, it's to do another school thing. She and I work together on most of her actual school work, so when she complains of her arms hurting or whatever...I have her work on a Lego monument, read word flash cards, color by number, something different and that she can do on her own. I take those five or ten minutes to check in with Tyler and Jace and then Gracie and I get back to it!

These little breaks have helped with Tyler too. His rain cloud this week has been needing mommy time. Until now he's been playing well and quietly checking in every now and then. Yesterday he was, as Scott said, "a detriment to learning." He cried and fussed and climbed all over me, "Mama!!!!" But, as I said, I didn't get frustrated with him, just cuddled him more during breaks, played with him more at night, and clearly told him he could not behave like that. I don't know if clearly telling him anything really helped, but today he did better.

Sunshine and rain...and hopefully some beautiful blossoms.

Just Another Manic Monday!

Today went pretty well. In homeschool this week we're taking a look at monuments and symbols, national and otherwise. I think this unit will only last a week. If that's the case, I'll fill you in on Friday!

But, for now, let me share with you what gems my children are.

Tyler just fell down the stairs because his sparkling Sleeping Beauty shoes slipped off. I tried really hard not to laugh while I consoled him. When he stopped sobbing I gave him the advice of perhaps carrying his pretty shoes to the basement and then putting them on.

We heard a song on the radio for the first time today. It's called "This Afternoon" and Nickelback sings it. Even though we've never heard it on the radio before, we're familiar with it because the video is quite popular on CMT and GAC. Who knew that Nickelback was a country group? Hmmm. So the cong came on and Gracie got excited. She said to Jace, "Don't you just love this song?"

The excitement rose in Jace's voice as he answered. "The songs OK, but what really makes it great is the video. In fact, if I could watch the video on mute that would be awesome!"

They're full of joy and, although they sometimes make me think I run a zoo, I love how priceless they make the time I have with them.

A Few Things...

This is going to be a quickie, but I feel like I've accomplished a lot today and wanted to share. So, here goes...

Even though I've left the house every day this week for one thing or another, including grocery shopping, I needed to go again this morning for three items. I was irritated before we walked about the door and figured that what should be a 15 minute trip was going to turn into much more. It didn't! Twenty minutes round trip. I feel good about that. And now I shouldn't have to run to the store until Tuesday, which I believe is going to be my new grocery shopping day.

I unpacked the last of the boxes. There are two boxes of mementos and one of wine glasses that I left packed and stuck on a shelf. There's only so much horizontal space for things!

Yesterday we bought a new-to-us dining room table and chairs and moved the old one to the classroom. Things are looking really good down stairs and up. I really like our new set. Yes, I'll take some pictures soon.

The moving people came and picked up our boxes of paper and the pile of broken down ones and took them away. They seriously took up at least 1/4 of the garage. Scott's gonna be excited!

Tyler took a 4 hour nap. He asked for it at 9:30 this morning! Who am I to say no...and apparently he needed it!

All three kids are playing contentedly downstairs. I know I just mentioned that it's looking good down there. Hopefully that will still be the case when they're done playing!

I balanced both check books. Well, technically I gave up on the one account and drew a few lines and started over at the balance as of the last statement. This particular account, with USAA, is where Scott's checks get deposited and the one we pay all our bills from. Everything else happens in our Focus Bank account. Scott used the USAA account when he was in Connecticut and I obviously didn't keep up with his spending or the random deposits of travel money. On top of that, I haven't balanced it in four months...so I figured it was easiest to count our blessings for not overdrawing and start fresh!

Now, why do we have two checking accounts? Because Focus Bank has a high interest checking account. As long as we have less than $20,000 in the account (they want you to invest it someplace if you have more), check our account online at least once a month, and use the debit card associated with the account at least ten times a month, we get 4.5% interest. Not bad, huh? Go ahead, check 'em out! And, by the way, that account balanced! Woo hoo!

So, I think that's what I've done, along with shower, cuddle, make and eat breakfast and lunch, nibble on some nuts, have a glass of lemonade, take out the recycling and do three loads of laundry. I know...you're disappointed that I haven't folded that laundry yet. I'll go do it now...

Not Me! Monday...Washington

If you are an avid reader of MckMama's blog then you know about her wonderful, freeing series

That's right...I'm about to write a little post about things I'd rather forget...or at least not admit to! Enjoy!

So, yesterday I might have witnessed (or not) something that I immediately wanted to post on my blog, but wasn't sure how without Scott scolding me. Then I remembered Not Me! Monday. Lucky day, lucky day. We ate on the porch and Scott was taking plates out to the table as I served them up. He didn't walk right into the screen and cause one plate to flop over onto the other he was holding. I didn't have to stifle a giggle when I realized what happened. (He he!)

And today, we're not off to a great start like only Monday can bring! The morning didn't begin with slamming doors. The children hadn't gotten up early (as in before I wanted to get up!) and decided to go in and out of each other's rooms...five, ten, twenty times. OK, I really wasn't counting, but...seriously, pick a room already!

After I crawled out of bed and showered I met the monsters head on. Tyler wasn't curled up on the floor while his brother and sister played loudly around him. I didn't pick him up and cuddle him close so we could both wake more slowly in the living room. There weren't immediate pleas for breakfast from Jace and Gracie...mind you, all before I was planning on waking up anyhow!

After I put the cheesy eggs on and the toaster down Tyler, who was waiting eagerly at the table by then for his breakfast too, didn't throw up. That's right, he didn't just vomit down the front of him after coughing and choking on his way-runny nose. He's not standing next to me now trying to lick more of the boogers leaking from his cute little nose. (Yes - I wiped it!)

Then, when I finally got to make my breakfast, I didn't set off the smoke detectors for the 4th time in the two weeks we've been here! I didn't even burn anything - put apparently I made enough smoke. What a morning!

So, I'm taking a break from my day to post this. I'm hoping that by posting it I can be done with all things worth denying and go on to have a great day! Don't forget to read other people's denials too. Everybody needs a good laugh on a Monday morning.

Some Day

Some day it will not take 20 mintues to get the kids pjs on and get them tucked in.

Some day it will not take 15 mintues to stop at a rest stop on the road.

Some day I will not have to change diapers.

Some day I will not have to change the sheets after accidents with pull ups that are on crooked.

Some day I will not be a human jungle gym.

Some day I will not hear "mama" all day long.

Some day I will not hear "mama" all day long.

Some day I will not get frequent and random cuddles.

Some day I will not be woken up by giggling and whispering outside my bedroom door.

Some day my kids will realize I'm not perfect.

And, hopefully some day the kids will want advice from mama. They'll want my shoulder to put their heads on. They'll want my hugs after an tough day. They'll laugh with me, discuss with me, and share their dreams with me.

Parenting is no easy road, but I love my parents and just enjoyed a wonderful dinner with them. Childhood is no easy road either, but I also love my kids and hope to enjoy all the moments I can with them...and the occasional wine cooler and chocolate chip cookie too.

Learning Along The Way

We're on the road. Well, technically, right now we're in a hotel. But we've left Georgia. We're in South Carolina. We'll make it to Maryland tomorrow and do DC this weekend! I can't wait!

So, lessons have I learned on this day?

Well...it's race day in Darlington, SC this weekend. I thought that I'd be all relaxed about this little leg of our trip and not make reservations or even plan on where to stop tonight. Well, we made it to 20 minutes Southeast of Darlington. The first exit we looked for rooms at was booked. Thankfully we did get a room at the second exit. And in time for Survivor. (yay!)

Jace thinks I'm cool. Since today was his last day of school he gave me the Mother's Day card he'd made rather than waiting until Friday or Sunday. He basically wrote this: "My mom is cool. She whistles like the wind. She lets us cuss. My mom likes to cuddle with me. And she lets me buy Nerf guns with my own money." Isn't he too sweet! I'm thinking he threw the cussing thing in there hoping the power of suggestion would work for him!

Tyler can sleep through a gymnasium of Kindergarten, 1st graders, and 2nd graders yelling and cheering for their teachers. We spent the whole day at Jace's school today for his field day. All morning we were outside playing. Then we came in and had lunch, after which we went to the gym for class activities. After the classes all competed in tug o' war the teachers and parents got out there. I, unfortunately, couldn't go because Tyler was sleeping in my lap. And he slept through all the rowdy, loud, shouting. I couldn't believe it!

If you don't strap Tyler into his car seat, he will sit in it anyway and not get out and play. Very smart boy. For about 15 minutes after we left the school Tyler kept saying, "Ut-oh," and I'd ask him what was wrong and he'd grunt something unintelligible. He didn't sound too worried or hurt so I'd just say, "OK...you're all right." Finally, Gracie looked over and told me Tyler wasn't strapped in! Too much focus on snacking and not enough on safety before hitting the road, I guess. I promise to pay more attention next time.

Teachers have one exhausting job. Not only did I spend today in Jace's class, but I was in Gracie's yesterday. They've just completed 1st grade and pre-k. In Gracie's class of soon-to-be-Kindergarteners, there were kids reading words and kids learning to identify letters or name the last letter in their name. In Jace's class there are reading levels ranging from 4th grade down to whatever level is still learning sight words and phonics. We reviewed odd and even numbers in 1st grade this morning and not everyone got it right. We talked about odd and even numbers yesterday in Gracie's class and not everyone got it right there either, but some did. I didn't fully realize the range of students teacher's have to teach. And then there are the maturity levels. Both classes had kids who listened the first time and kids who didn't listen the fourth or fifth time. Both classes had kids to sat quietly and waited for the next instruction and those who couldn't sit quietly even if that was the instruction. I've known that teaching is a tough job and one that I've always had great respect for. But after two days in the classroom...I'm going to write personal thank you notes to my kids' teachers. They were given wonderful attention these past few years and I don't think the thanks I've already given was enough.

Well, I guess that's as good a lesson learned to leave off on as any. Tomorrow's a big day, fully of driving and chatter. Wish us luck! Have a great weekend and a fabulous Mother's Day!!!

Annoyances

Sometimes there are things that frustrate me. For example...
When you and I are waiting across from each other at a red light and we both have our blinkers on to turn left...don't beep at me when you go straight and I've started to turn. Really, don't.

Or...
When you've been parking in between both lanes in the u-shaped driveway of preschool all year, so that no can get past you and I've tolerated it without complaining, don't come in and ask me to move when I've been drawn into a conversation and you can actually get around me because I parked all the way to the right...there's a whole other lane. Do you not know the width of your vehicle?

Things like that. I bet you get bothered too.

There are also things I just don't like. Play dough. I don't know why...it's just not on my list of fun things. Go ahead and cut paper into strips and itty bitty pieces and glue those pieces all over another piece of paper. Have a blast! Color, paint, draw. Be my guest. But please don't want to play with play dough. God only knows why it drives me nuts...but it does! It's an unexplained aversion that I hope doesn't scar my children for life.

There are also little pesky things that I think might drive me bonkers. But with these things, I'm bothered that I'm bothered. The two most recent examples...Gracie and Jace. Well, they aren't the bothers. Ha ha! It's the way the talk. Jace has taken to replacing the first letter of words or only using the first syllable.

"Jace, do you want strawberry or raspberry jam?"
"Straw"

"Jace, can you please pick up all your Nerf darts?
"You want me to pick up the derf darts? The werf warts? The berf barts? (laughs) Sure, I can pick up the ferf farts!"

And Gracie baby talks. She has for years and I've always wondered why. Scott and I are not baby-talk kinds of people. We never talked that way around her...she just started it! But now she's added a high voice to her babble and uses it constantly in her play!

Are you annoyed? I bet you are...I bet just reading this you're irked a little, well, when you're not laughing at me. See, these things are annoying, but really...why am I so bothered?

AAAHHHHHHH!!!!!

It's enough to drive me nuts!

Any sage advice out there? I'll take it...

Not Me! Monday...Spring Break Edition

I'm not a consistent contributor to MckMama's Not Me! Monday series, but this week I've got a few things to deny.

Let's see...we went to Florida this past week to impose on....er, um, I mean visit with my college roommate, her family, and her brother's family. We had an incredible time! We really did...but I didn't give in when it came to souvenirs. I didn't get Tyler (who already has a ton of trucks) a whole new set of 5 Cars vehicles and a new rescue truck from SeaWorld. Gracie and Jace got some fun things too...don't fret!

Well, maybe fret a little. I did...er, um, I mean didn't lose two of my three children at SeaWorld. Technically Tyler didn't even know he was lost, so that doesn't count. Gracie knew...cried...wouldn't let go of my hand for a few minutes...but I brought everyone home at the end of the day.

While on vacation I didn't give in to poor diet and lack of sleep. I didn't stay up hours past my bedtime to chit chat almost every night. It wasn't worth every filling-showing yawn I had throughout the week, not to mention the cups of sugar and caffeine I drank, to visit with such great people. I wouldn't do it again next week if the option were there. Heck, I wouldn't do it again every other week for a whole year...well, I might actually not want to do that...we might run out of things to say!

Anyway...now that we're back home, I haven't put off doing laundry for two days. I'm not still trying to catch up on the dishes that I'd left undone before our trip. I didn't make a to-do list today just so I could feel accomplished at something!

Long live not regretting vacations...or life in general!

Now go visit MckMama's site and see what other people aren't up to...