Providing More Than the Basics

If you have kids, and I do, you likely have frustrations with the things they'll eat or not eat, and I do.  I have days where I'm fine with them not eating what I cook.  That's fine with a hand on the hip, "whatever - go ahead and be hungry, I don't care" attitude.  Or fine with my hands in the air, throwing dishes into the sink a little too roughly, grumbling load enough that I know they'll feel bad, "Why would you like anything that's healthy for you?  Why do I try?  I should just feed you crap.  You like crap..."  Yup, some days I'm fine with them not eating. 

My Back Itches

Don't you hate when you've got an itch in between your shoulder blades and you can't get it?  Don't you love when you're honey notices you squirming and asks, "Can I help you with something?"

Do you get frustrated when the recycling is piling up and the garbage is overflowing and you notice it but are just so busy with life that you don't take it out?  Don't you love when you've finally finished everything else and you're just about to flop down on the couch for the night and you remember them and head to the kitchen only to see they've been taken out by your love?

Doesn't it drive you up a wall when you're washing a quick load of dishes while stirring dinner on the stove and one of your kids comes up behind you whining, "Mama...can you (fill in the blank)?"  And don't you love it when you're gritting your teeth before growling, "What?" at that innocent babe and you hear, "Come here.  Let Dada help you," from the other room?

Decision Making and A Decision Made

A few weeks ago, I think (I can't keep track these days!), I found out about a job opening that I wasn't looking for.  A few months back I found out that the job existed, but someone had it.  Daphne has had this position for somewhere around 14 years.  But I love the sound of her job and told Scott it might be something I could do someday.  And then Daphne called me while I was shopping at Target and asked me if I knew she was retiring.  I did know that, but I have a few unpaid jobs already and hadn't considered applying for her job. 

But she called me.  She wanted me to know that my degree and personality would be ideal for this position, her position.  I told her I'd think about it, seriously, and went back to shopping.

Looking Up...Looking Forward

So, I've written a little bit on here about the difficulties of being a military spouse to a submariner.  I've told about the effects of mixing the Emotional Cycle of Deployment with PMS.  One post I just talked about how I do it, and should probably add that there are many other paths out there.  There are lots of ways to be a spouse, with or without the military mixed in to add stress.  And there was the post where I pointed out that I'm not single. 

I think all those posts have merit, but I also would like to say...take anything I say with a grain of salt.  I'm not perfect.  I have days, weeks, possibly months where I'm anything but perfect.  The last few weeks probably fall into that category more than any other. 

With all my positive words and encouragement of others I was really focused on one day at a time.  We've been busy, I've been tired and irritable and sad.  I kept telling myself that one day at a time was fine, just life as it was going to be for now.  And we'd get through. 

Then a few different things happened over the course of a week or two.  First of all, I spent a night with some girlfriends.  We all have kids around the same age and after we tucked them all in we had plenty of time for wonderful chit chat.  It was great.  I felt refreshed, better but not "my old self."  I'm a planner.  I'm always looking forward.  I wasn't there yet.

Then I had some blood work done and found out my vitamin D levels were low.  Not terribly low, but low enough to take a supplement.  Talking to my personal phone-a-doc friend I found out that one possible side effect of low vitamin D can be mild depression. 

When Scott first left I had trouble falling asleep, which eventually turned into just not even trying to get to sleep until much later than I probably should have been staying up. 

So, to sum it up...not enough sleep, low vitamin D, just a touch of stress...I don't know if I was actually depressed but I was definitely low.  And I didn't even realize it, just thought it was life.  One day at a time. 

Then Sunday I ran into a friend I haven't seen or talked to in over three years.  We were at the grocery store and the kids were crazy.  She and I chatted a while and she even suggested talking to a counselor if I needed to.  How had I not thought of that?  If you don't already know, I have a Master's degree as a therapist.  Going for help when I need it isn't a scary thought for me, like it is for some.  It just never crossed my mind.  I didn't even think about what I was going through being anything out of the ordinary for someone in my position.  And maybe it isn't.  But it's no way to live.

The last two nights I've gone to bed earlier than I have been, still not my regular time, but an improvement.  I've gotten outside with the kids.  I haven't had any caffeine, other than a little chai (stimulates the mind not the nerves), no sugar that doesn't occur naturally.  I feel so much better.  Already I'm thinking of what we're doing later this week, next month, this spring.  I'm me!

I'm me. 

So, I don't think I need to see a therapist right now, but for me just having an enemy (depression) gave me a problem to tackle and helped me make the changes I've known needed changing for weeks. 

I wasn't sure how to put this all out there for you all.  I wanted to share because I don't want anyone thinking I'm some super woman.  I love hearing that I'm transparent on here...I want to be.  I want my vulnerability to speak to readers and say that their imperfections are perfectly acceptable.  We all have down days, weeks, maybe months...but there are ways to turn it around.  Just don't give up...keep looking for that way out, listen when it comes calling, and ask for help when you need it.  It's there.

To Teach or Not To Teach?

A few months ago I attended a conference about unschooling.  I thought I wrote about it on here, but I've poured over my posts and can't seem to find anything about it!  Hmm...wonder why that is.  It might be because I was a little scared by the concept after I heard from the radical unschoolers on the panel. 

I went to the conference because I was intrigued by the idea of letting learning take place when and where it takes place.  Come to find out, there's a spectrum of ideas under the umbrella of unschooling, and my thoughts about it barely dipped my toes in the water.  The men and women on the panel allow their kids to choose what they eat and when they eat it, when they go to bed, or not.  In radical unschooling, "no" isn't heard very often.  I knew that that sort of thing wasn't my style and wouldn't work in our homeschool.  But I still liked the idea of letting the children's interests lead us.

I've said from the beginning that our style was interest led unit studies, so I guess the conference didn't change me too much, but it did make me aware of different styles out there and possibly more aware of all the things my kids pick up even without my trying. 

This past week the kids have shown how well they learn when they're interested.  Jace loves all things military these days...and the last several months, possibly years.  Anyway, he gets at least one book from the library every time we go on tanks, submarines, special forces, etc.  At a pancake breakfast a week ago he got all the kids together to form the KF, Kid Forces.  That way they could take us adults down if we got out of hand.  He's totally into it! 

So, this past week we've been learning about submarines.  Dada is out to sea and Gracie wanted to know more about his boat and I didn't figure Jace would mind.  We read about many different kinds of subs, some that carry SEALs, who then get out and swim to their destinations.  There was a little blurb about the SEALs.  I started to read it and then I asked Jace before I read it when the SEALs were started.  "1962," he said, without having to think very hard.  Then he went on to tell me that SEALs stands for SEa, Air, and Land.  Did you know that? 

And Gracie, may not have known that yet, although she probably does now, but she is picking things up too.  Her reading is improving by leaps and bounds.  In fact that seems to be how she makes her progress.  She seems really interested in reading sometimes and then looses interest for a while.  I haven't pushed it when she's been less interested.  This morning, out of the blue, she asked if she could read me a book, instead of her normal request for me to read to her.  I said, "Sure." 

She grabbed a library book.  It was one that I'd seen her with, but I hadn't read to her yet.  She sat on my lap and read me the book!  I was so proud. 

I think it just goes to show...schooling, homeschooling, unschooling...following a curriculum, preparing unit studies, or setting them free...teaching or not teaching...they'll learn.  I love it!  They're learning!

I get so excited every time I realize it over again!  They're really learning.  Probably not everything their counterparts are in Kindergarten and second grade.  Maybe not more, maybe not less.  I don't really know.  But they're definitely learning.  I'm giving their teacher a gold star.

One Word

Have you thought about one word to describe yourself?  I've been asked in interviews to use one or two words to list my best and worst qualities.  I've played a few version of the ice breaker when I needed to come up with one word to tell about me.  Most recently though, I read a couple blog posts that got be thinking about one word that can serve as my motivation throughout the upcoming year. 

Shauna and Courtney both talk about having a concept to guide us through the year rather than setting resolutions.  I haven't set New Year's resolutions in years.  Scott and I are talkers and planners.  We're constantly setting goals, discussing progress, and adapting.  So, I don't see the need to set certain goals at certain times.  Reading their posts, though, got me thinking about a motto for my year. 

In 2010 Courtney's theme word was connecting.  Under that umbrella she worked on connecting with God, family and her blog followers too!  She's chosen simplify for 2011.  I think that's a beautiful word and a wonderful theme.  I think she's going to have a great year creating space to focus on the connections she's worked on this year.  I was tempted to use that concept as my own, but I think I'm going to do something a little different.  After all, I think I'm in the process of complicating my life rather than simplifying it...maybe that'll be next year!




 
Shauna's new year will revolve around love, which I think is completely appropriate.  I don't know Shauna personally, but I feel like her posts are ones that ooze goodness and caring.  Whenever I read something on her blog I feel inspired.  I look forward to reading more about her journey this coming year to love and "doing what I can do where I can do it with all my heart and being."

So, I started by reading these two posts.  I put some consideration into it.  And I cheated...I've always bent the rules a little with these one word games.  It started way back in 4H camp when I had to come up with an adjective that started with the first letter of my name to introduce myself with.  I was at the end of the circle and wasn't sure what I was going to say until it got to me and I came up with "All of the above Annie."  I know, not one word at all.  But fitting. 

My theme for 2011 is also not one word.  But it's the carrot I want to chase this year...I want to be. 

be

It's a little word, although big on meaning.  But because it's so little I figured I might be able to get away with adding a couple others. 

be present

be intentional

And those will be the focus of my 2011.  I'm not 100% sure what that's going to look like yet.  I do know, though, that it'll involve less time on facebook and in front of the television.  I know it will involve exploring my faith more.  I know it will involve focusing on the moments that pass quickly.  Priorities will be determined and life will be lived.  That's what I know for now. 

In 2011, I will be. 
What about you? 
Will you love, connect, simplify, engage, organize, enjoy, hope, teach, learn, follow, shine, or maybe...be?

How Do You Do It? (My Life as a Military Wife)

Perhaps one of my most frequently heard comments is, "I don't know how you do it.  I couldn't be a military wife/submariner's wife."  So, how do I do it?  I'm not sure I know.  But I usually answer, "It's not for everyone, but I just won't except the alternative."  And that's the truth.

But I will try to put a few notes out there for everyone...just in case something might speak to someone else.  So, here goes...

Let me start by saying that some days Scott and I think of his job like it's any other.  In many families, military and civilian, somebody goes to work and somebody stays home.  The worker bee may be gone long hours, may miss meals, might even travel for work.  And the one who stays home is often left shouldering the roles of both parents, living a single married life for a time.  Sometimes we don't feel all that different.

But those days are not these days. 

For the past month or so Scott's been carrying a ton of stress from work and there's little I can do about it.   Not only that but there's little time together to try to do anything to alleviate his stress anyway.  But what I can do, I do. 

• I feed him.  He's not home for most meals, but the ones he is here for I make sure are things he loves.  I also bake to give him something sweet to lose himself in when he comes through our door. 
• I adjust our schedule to his, when possible.  When he was working nights we schooled at a different time of day so that we were all downstairs, out of ear shot, when he was going to sleep and we weren't busy when he was getting up and free for five minutes.  And now that he's working at least 16 hours a day, I am almost always up when he gets home.  That means I frequently nap when Tyler does, but there's nothing wrong with that.
• I listen.  I don't know everything he's dealing with.  I don't understand everything he tells me.  But I give him room to talk to me.
• I talk to him.  I try to share stories of the kids.  I let him know what we're doing.  I don't pretend that we're not still going about our lives. 
• I touch him.  I give him massages.  I kiss him.  I try to take some of that stress and provide a little relaxation.
• I give him a break.  I don't call and ask when he's going to be home.  I don't get upset that he's not home for dinner, or bed time.  I don't complain that he doesn't have time for us. 
• I love him. 

So, that's how I support Scott.  It also needs to be noted that he supports me in all the same ways, except the cooking and baking...I don't think he even knows where to find everything to whip up anything more than a PB&J.  That's neither here nor there, though.  He loves me and that's clear.  He makes sure it's clear to me.  Just last night he told me how much he appreciates me and all that I do.  I know that but it sure is absolutely wonderful to hear.  He also makes it clear to others, which is such a lovely pat on the back. 

Lastly, we give ourselves permission to feel all the emotions that go with the deployment cycle and we don't blame each other for them.  (Here's another link with a little more detail.)

You might be wondering if it's that simple.  Probably not, but maybe yes.  After all, neither of us have energy for drama, complication, or added stress.  And our default is simple:  just keep kissing.

Does It Ever End?

In the midst of this thankful month...I'd like to share a few thoughts on housework. 

I don't like laundry and dishes.  Mostly I don't like the fact that they never end and stack up so quickly.  A few weeks ago we had a really busy week.  Along with being busy doing things other than laundry and dishes, we were still eating and wearing clothes.  This is what I saw one night:

dirty dishes

clean clothes

I eventually got everything cleaned up and put away.  But in the meantime, there was even more...it just never ends. 

So, what do I want to share with you about chores...I'm thankful that I have them, that I have the ability to complete them, and that Scott never judges when I don't.  I know some of you have probably had clothes piled high on the couch too and would never admit that out loud.  If that's you, you don't need to tell me, but try to hear what I'm saying...there's nothing wrong with that.  Life is about priorities and finding contentment, among other things, perhaps.  During that crazy busy week I still read to the kids and relaxed in front of the computer after they went to bed.  I could have taken those minutes to empty the dishwasher or fold clothes, but I didn't.  I'm good with that.  No guilt. 

Also, I'm not always so positive, but I try to be.  The gifts and blessing that have been given to me come with responsibility.  I like to think that anything worth doing has an upside and a down side.  My favorite example is sledding.  It's a thrill to go down that hill, with the crisp, cold wind in your face.  Then there's the walk back to the top.  Totally worth it.  It's the same with raising a family.  I'll gladly, although not always with a smile on my face, climb that hill again and again.  And again.

Back on The Juice...But Trying to Kick It!

Mt. Dew.  It's not good for you.  I'm pretty sure there's nothing in that bottle that my body likes, aside from the taste.  I really do like the way it tastes!  And lately, I've been using the caffeine boost like I did in my pre-primal days.  When I drink it my stomach churns a little.  After all, my diet is pretty sugar free.  But it keeps my eyes open when they need to be. 

(sigh)

Today I didn't drink any.  I also didn't shower, put on real clothes, or leave the house (except to take some recycling out).  But I didn't drink any Mt. Dew.  I did, however, try some tea.  About an hour after I drank it I fell asleep on the couch watching TV with the kids.  Later I noticed that the tea I drank was caffeine free...that's not helpful! 

Another problem I have with caffeine is that I'm tired so I drink it, then I come down off that high and I'm even more tired.   It's a nasty little cycle. 

(sigh)

So, I'm using my blog as a confessional to get this all off my chest and as a sounding board to work out my feelings about this drug of choice.  In the end, I'll probably still drink it from time to time.  (And maybe one or two of you will let me know that it's OK to be weak sometimes.)  But, I'm trying very hard not to get back on the juice in the same way I used to...many moons ago it ran through my veins. 

So, thanks for hearing me out and letting me publicly work through my vices. 

And now I'm going to bed...night everyone!

How Do You Do It? (Marriage: Time to Talk)

Communication.  I've heard it's the key to a good marriage.  I don't disagree, but I don't think it's that simple, either. 

There are a lot of things I could write about in regards to the talks that could and maybe should go on between spouses.  I'm going to focus on three things, though. 

• little things.
• dreaming together.
• when not to talk

While I ramble about these three point, I may gloss over some things that others find very important.  It's not that I don't, but just chose to shine the light on something else this time around.  If you'd like me to go on about anything further, just leave me a comment of send me an email.  Here goes...

little things
Yes, it's important to talk about where you want to live, whether or not to have kids and how many.  It's a good idea to talk about how you'll handle the merging of family traditions (and this could take years to figure out) and financial realities and goals.  But, for many of us, talking about these things don't necessarily come naturally and can sometimes bring out intense emotional reactions by both partners.  How can these conversations be a little easier?  With practice.

Start by talking about everything and anything.  Bodily functions, the trip to the dentist, grocery shopping, and interpersonal relations at the office.  Learning to talk to each other over the seemingly smaller things can give you clues to how to interact with each other over the bigger topics.  In my opinion, once your spouse has to plunge the toilet for you, there should be nothing that can't be put out there to debate!  So, don't dismiss awkward tidbits with a nervous giggle.  Think about them as practical research about how your spouse might react when you bring up spending the holidays at home instead of with his family.  Right?

dreaming together
I think it's a good idea to talk about your future together.  Note that I said future not futures.  Talk about your collective futures and if you want early retirement and the beach and he wants a second job plowing snow after retirement...there's no time like now to begin working that out!  By doing so you're sharing pieces of your inner self and setting goals to work toward.  I think dreams can be realistic or completely playful, but either way they're important to have and share with your spouse.

You may have heard that it's never to early to talk about retirement, and it's true.  So, talk about it.  Where would you like to retire?  What would you like to do?  When would you like to stop working and how?  You can also fantasize about career goals, hobbies you'd like to enjoy, vacations you'd like to take.  Think about the things you can learn about your spouse this way...and what fun it is to imagine "what if?" 

Dreaming isn't just for the long term either.  If he'd like a new big screen television, I'd consider that a dream!  But not one that's out of reach it you look at it together and work toward it.  It may mean date night is in front of the small screened TV you currently have with dinner you prepared together in the kitchen instead of a night on the town, but there's nothing wrong with that.  In fact, there's sometimes a lot right about it. 

when not to talk
Are there really times not to talk?  Yes there are.  Some say you should never go to bed angry, but I think it's OK to do now and then.  Not everything can be resolved in a short, sweet shouting match followed by make up sex.  Sometimes you and your spouse may reach a point where you're talking in circles and not making any headway.  Or you might realize that resolving this issue is going to take a lot more thinking and talking and, practically, nobody gets the day off tomorrow so you'd better get to sleep.  Or maybe you just don't know what else to say and you're feeling hurt.

Our unwritten rule is that no one sleeps on the couch.  No matter what we go to bed in the same bed, but we may still be angry, hurt, unsure.  I usually try to still reach out a toe to touch his leg.  And I leave the topic unresolved.  I usually try to say a prayer for direction and wisdom in how to proceed and I usually remind myself why I married this man and why he chose me.  Sometimes when we wake up I'm still angry, and that's OK. 

Thus far we've resolved everything we've fought over...in time, with a clear mind. 

So, I know I said I was only going to comment on these three point, but I think there are two other things I'd like to say.  First, I say all of this with my first "How Do You Do It? (Marriage)" post in mind.  The gist of that was that it takes two people who want to be married to create a healthy and happy relationship with one another.  And a big part of that, I think, is wanting the best for the other.  If tense conversations are had with this at the core, some of the drama is extracted right from the get go.  If you know if your heart and head that he would never intentionally say anything to cut you to the core, then you have the ability to hear what he's saying is for the betterment of your relationship, at least as he sees it.  I haven't had to do it in a long time, but when Scott and I were first married I honestly used to say, "I know you didn't mean that like I heard it.  Can you try to say it a different way, please?"  This helped. 

Second, know yourself as best you can.  If you can identify when you're feeling more needy, unusually irritated, tired, stressed by other parts of your life you're a step ahead.  Knowing these things can help you honestly assess your reaction to comments your spouse makes. 

Bottom line...give them the benefit of the doubt.  He loves you.  She loves you.  Talking together can be a great way to express and grow that love.

OK...I promise this is the last thing.  Really.  I swear to you that Scott and I are not fighting.  I just had a horrible time sleeping last night...a lot on my mind I guess.  So, after an hour of trying not to wake him up, I came out and finished this post, made a few to do lists, played some online games and watched TV.  Eventually I made my way to a devotional book I'd been considering trying to find again.  I found it and opened it.  This is what I read:

A marriage may be made in heaven, but the maintenance must be done on earth. 

Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.  Ephesians 5:33

Marriages are meant to be complementary - two pulling together as one, not in competition, but in mutual association. (from God's Little Devotional Book, published by Honor Books, Inc.)

I think I read it to share with you.  What do you think?

How Do You Do It? (Marriage: It Takes Two)

At the heart of any marriage are two people.  (I'm speaking for traditional marriage between two people, of course.  I don't know much about polygamous unions.)  Two people who, ideally, want to be married to each other.  During my schooling to become a marriage and family therapist, which I have not become, I learned that often people don't seek therapy together.  Frequently it's the wife who comes in looking for ways to improve her marriage.  As a young therapist I didn't think it would be proper to call up a husband and shake him over the phone, "What are you thinking?  Your wife is here, wanting to imrove your marriage, trying to save your marriage.  Where are you?  It takes two!!!"  Maybe if I were practicing now I would yell that from the hill tops...because it's the truth. 

Marriage takes two. 

Now, as a Navy wife I know that there aren't always two people available.  I also know that the military doesn't hold the deed to the world of being a single spouse.  Yes, there are a huge number of people serving in the Armed Forces who have one or even two members of their marriage deployed, on patrol, away at school...gone in some way for weeks, months, or longer at a time.  Yes, there are verying levels of contact during these times of physical distance from one another.  Some have computer contact, some phone, some letters, some nothing.  This is all true. 

There are many other vocations with similar stories, though.  Truckers are often gone for days or weeks at a time.  Salespeople may work extended hours and may have to travel further from home for training or sales opportunities.  Consultants often travel for their jobs, along with actors, sports players and others.  I'm sure you can think of people you know that have to be away from home, apart from their spouse, here and there.  Even those who work "9-5" jobs often end up working longer hours and missing dinner, at the very least.

So, now that we've established that there are all sorts of valid reasons why spouses may be separated, lets get back to how they can still have great marriages, despite being apart.  After all, it takes how many?  That's right.  Two.  Glad you're paying attention.

What do these two people have to do in order to create a healthy and happy marriage?  Well, they have to want it and work for it.  Some wedding days are grand ceremonies with hundreds of friends and family members.  Some are quick and intimate affairs.  No matter how a marriage begins, it doesn't build itself from there.  And the first step in any project, be it a term paper or a marriage, takes place in our heads.  Inside, we have to think about how we're going to act, what we're going to say, what we want for ourselves and our spouses.  All these goals start within us...and it's helpful, for a cohesive marriage, if husband and wife share these visions with each other.   After all, we can't have a marriage on our own.  (You thought I was going to say, "It takes two," didn't you?)

What are some things we should want internally and with our spouse? 

• the best for the other
• happiness for our spouse
• a sparkle in their eye
• joy in their smile

There are lot of other things you could add to the list, but you may already see a trend...marriage is not about me or even we.  If you're looking out for your spouse, and assuming they're looking out for you, you've got a great start! 

Now, if your spouse is around this is more straight forward...do things for them.  Mow the lawn when he works late.  Take the kids to the playground so she gets an hour to read in quiet.  Help with the dishes.  Get him a drink when you get your own refill.  Ask questions and listen for answers.  Little things can go a long way to show you're caring for your spouse.  Caring is good.

If you're spouse is away, and even if they're not, there's another key to wanting the best for the other...taking care of you. 

Do you feel like I'm talking in circles?  Maybe a little, but here's the deal...If you put yourself first selfishly then you're selfish.  If you take care of yourself, while keeping in mind that a better you makes a better wife, well, then it's not selfish.  Make sense?  And you can't just say it.  "I'm not being selfish...he'll get his own food if I'm not home.  I need to get my nails done because it's good for me."  That's not gonna cut it.  That's like a kid grumbling, "Sorry," to his sister after hitting her because Mom said.  If you don't mean it...it doesn't count.  So, think about it, pray about it, meditate about it, most importantly...talk to your spouse about it.  And take care of yourself, which, in turn, takes care of your spouse.  Nifty, huh?

To recap:
Marriage takes two.
Two people who want to be married.
Two people who want joy and happiness for the other.
Two people willing to take care of themselves in order to take the best care of the other.

And that's just the beginning...but it's a really good beginning! 

Unit (as in all the units) Review #1

I've gotten in the habit of reviewing each of our homeschool units on here but it occurred to me that I hadn't considered reviewing them with the kids.  Scott asked a while ago if the kids were retaining anything they were learning.  That got me thinking...so this week we conducted our first review week.  It seemed like a good time; after all, it's our tenth week of school!  I can't believe we've already completed ten weeks.  Wow.

Anyway, if you haven't read about what we've been up to, here's a rundown:
Libraries
Monuments and Symbols
Healthy Living: Food, Fitness, and Fun!
Space/Sky
Sea Monkeys

And, now, on to the review of our review!  We continued with our regular math lessons for most of the week.  They're going pretty well.  I think the biggest problem is currently Tyler.  He's become much more active in his play and keeps gaining the attention of his brother and sister.  After all, they'd much rather be playing Legos with him than adding and telling time.  Who wouldn't?

We read some books I had checked out still about space and lots of other books too!  Boy, do the kids love listening to me read! 

Jace borrowed a movie from a friend and we watched that on Tuesday...How to Train Your Dragon.  Even though it's not at all related to what we've been studying I figured it would be great to watch since Jace just read the book.  Gracie only lasted through part of it, but Jace and I enjoyed it a great deal.  Good movie, "even though it's fiction," according to Jace.

The bulk of our actual review was done using our growing dictionary and making a scrapbook.  The scrapbook can be not only a fun memento, but serves as a record of sorts if anyone ever wants to know what we've been studying...and my blogs aren't enough for them.  The growing dictionary is a 3x5 card file box where we add words as we come upon them.  Ideally we'd be adding our vocab words each week, but I kind of forgot about it until Gracie asked about it a couple weeks ago.  Good thing someone's on top of things!

Thursday, we had a rare beautiful fall day...almost 80 out!  So after math, we packed lunches and snacks and went on an urban hike.  There's a great trail that runs through Silverdale.  We walked part of it, talked about salmon spawning and the importance of wetlands, and also walked through some of town.  And, to Tyler's great excitement, we stopped twice to play with trains at Toys R Us and Barnes and Noble.  It was a great day. 

And today...today we played Monopoly off and on all day.  The kids have wanted to play it so I figured we'd give it a shot.  Jace won, by a lot!  But they both agree they don't really want to play again anytime soon.  Too bad, I think we made some strides with addition.  Jace still counts on his fingers to add but he improved throughout the day.  I guess we're going to have to find some other games that involve quick math in order to move.

And, that's that, folks.  We had a good, relaxing, and wonderful week.  I found out that the kids did actually learn during the first nine weeks of homeschool.  They didn't remember everything, but usually if one of them couldn't answer my question, the other one could.  We've got some lovers of learning on our hands.  I'm so thrilled I get to share in that love and learn right along side them.

Friday Fill-In #15

It's time!  Time for military spouses around the world to answer some questions from Wifey.  Are you joining us this week? 

Here are my thoughts...

1.What is the silliest get-up you have ever worn outside of a Halloween party? (from To The Nth)
I've been known to wear a lot of rather strange get-ups...just ask anyone who knew me in college!  Probably my top two are a scarf that I used to wear as a shirt under jackets or sweaters and the one time I wore a fake velvet nightie to a formal event I went to last minute...it shed the whole time!  There may certainly be other concoctions I'm blocking!  lol

2.What is something that you gave up in order to live the military lifestyle? (from Pennies from Heaven)
I'd like to preface this answer with this: Every decision we make sacrifices something.  The military life awards some things that other decisions I could have made wouldn't have given me.  So, although I've "given up" something, I've gained too...hopefully all of you recognize that in your lives as well.

Now, for my answer...
I've given up living near family (for now).  There are many times when I hear a friend say that Grandma watched the kids for the weekend and I'm jealous of that closeness.  But, I think I'm pretty close to our families in the ways that count.  We talk often, write emails, send cards and pictures.  All my parents read my blog to keep up with the kids.  So, we don't live near them, but we do try to remain close to them.  And someday we might live closer again...time will tell!

3.If money wasn’t a factor and you could go anywhere in the world, where would it be? And why? (from Life and Times of a Displaced Jersey Girl)
I've always wanted to go to Australia.  I'd also love to go visit Mary in Germany, but don't know that that'll happen unless they stay there for a while...a long while!  I'm also totally psyched to go back to Disney World sometime in the future! 

4.If you were going to join the military, what branch would you join? Or which MOS/rating would you choose? (from And You Never Did Think)
I think I'd probably join the Air Force.  I don't know much about it, but my husband is a submariner and I don't know too many rates for women in the Navy.  And I know I don't want to be front lines...so Air Force it is, I guess!  You'd think my answer would be more educated, wouldn't you?

5.What is your favorite thing to make for dinner? (from Armendinger Party of 4)
Nothing.  I currently enjoy making nothing for dinner.  In fact, I'm pretty sure the kids and I will be eating healthy but simple when Scott leaves.  I made meatballs last night...balls of meat...and not a single child ate them.  And I see no reason in trying so hard when they're currently surviving on fruits, select veggies, and eggs.  Why should I go out of my way to try to be creative to get them more real meats and side dishes?  Maybe when I read others answers I'll find some inspiration, because I really do like to cook and bake...I'm just feeling discouraged by my monkeys. 

OK, on that note...let's go read what everyone else has to say...

Primal Successes

A few months back I was watching some silly news/comedy show that Scott put on and found myself interested in a story about a guy who was playing all over New York City. I tip-toed my way over to Mark Sisson's site and have been making changes ever since.

I started with the way I was eating and I also began playing with my kids more. (Right now I'm neglecting them and the dishes for the sake of this post...but they don't seem to mind. There's a lot of giggling going on in the other room! From the kids, not the dishes...they're just waiting patiently for attention.) It's been about eight months now and we're still working on things.

I'm chalking up "working on things" as a success in primal living. Why? Because I haven't given up. I've thought about it, but not because it's not working...I'm definitely healthier, feel better, have more energy, am more active...things are going well, in my opinion.

Now, in the opinion of my family members...well, then you might find some different answers. With all the changes that we've gone through in the last several months, changing their diets (pretty drastically) hasn't always gone over well. But I've realized recently that even as a family we're having success in living primally.

Right now we're in the midst of a 30-Day Challenge that Mark is running. There's a contest every day and one of the recent ones is to take a picture of your groceries. Here's ours for the week...


Don't you love my totally cute posers? Well, I do, and shopping with them has helped me realize that a lot really has changed with my quest to make our family primal, and in turn, healthier and happier. Jace reads the ingredient list before picking up anything off the shelf. They get excited by fruits and vegetables. They still don't always eat them once their home...but good things come to those who wait, right?

We also walk more and play more. They're not as hungry as quickly. They don't know this, however, and it's pretty funny! If they can see a clock then they're hungry at all our old regular eating times. If they don't know what time it is they'll play and be happy for at least an hour longer than our old normal! They usually notice that it's past lunch time by then and are suddenly ravenous-in their heads!

As a family, we aren't eating 100% primal, which is fine. Mark suggests eating at least 80% and I'd say we're pretty close to that. We're doing well with the non-food primal rules too...getting our rest, moving slowly and frequently, lifting things, sprinting sometimes. So, I'd say things aer going pretty well on the primal front. Wouldn't you?

(And, just in case you were wondering what's in our groceries picture, here's the meal plan for the week:

Breakfast/Lunch (interchangeable) - primal cereal with almond milk, 100% juice for the kids, water for me, Tyler and Gracie still like toast with (100% fruit) jelly -OR- eggs (scrambled with cheese for the kids, sunny side up for me with spinach), bacon, avocado, fruit

Snacks - fruit, kefir smoothies

Dinner -
Tuesday - Parmesan and garlic crusted cod, carrots, and broccoli
Wednesday -primal pancakes and sausage with fruit
Thursday - tacos (kids will have flour tortillas Scott and I will have salads, but we're trying something new...provolone crisp shells)
Friday - Scott and I are going out (if he doesn't have to work) TBA
Saturday - ham bone soup with spinach bread and onion crisps (both are primal even though neither sounds like it!)
Sunday - chicken, salad, acorn squash
Monday - leftovers or if there aren't any, freezer schtuff

And now you know!)

The Recovery

So, if you didn't read my post from Monday...that's OK. It wasn't very upbeat! In fact, I was doing a lot of whining and groaning. I'm leaving my claw marks on the walls as I dig my way out of the gloom I fell into then...upwards and onwards always feels better. I like being a positive person. So, let's be positive...

I've been walking at least once a day. Often the kids walk with me. I was thinking ahead and over the last month managed to purchase waterproof footwear and jackets for all of us. That way we have no excuses when the rain Washington is known for starts falling. Today I wanted to get out and take a good walk, but it was drizzling. I was tempted to tuck my tail between my legs, as I was quite annoyed with my beautiful children, and watch a good movie. But we didn't. We got on our jackets and boots and went to town, literally. We parked at the mall and walked around Silverdale. We found where Jace's new karate classes are going to be (they're moving buildings this month) and chatted with the owner for a few minutes. We had a great and refreshing walk. Then we had Kataluma chai for snack. Almost nothing makes me smile more than that!

After all that I was feeling less annoyed, more relaxed, and ready to enjoy "playing choo choo," as Tyler says. So, we headed to Barnes and Noble. This is one of my favorite hangouts with the kids. We were there for over an hour. Jace read most of the time. Gracie looked through books, played with the trains, and looked at the toys. Tyler played choo choo with me, Gracie, other children who stopped in. He even took a break to read a few books. It was a great afternoon!

What else am I feeling good about today? We're almost done with our space/sky unit...that means another unit review will be in your future! That's always exciting to me.

Some more joy:

• primal pizza for dinner
• heading to the beach tomorrow with our homeschool group
• Survivor starts tomorrow
• the check book balanced last night
• I made some phone calls today that I've been putting off...no one likes being put on hold! Check those off the to do list!
• we're going to do the Puyallup this weekend (the Western Washington State Fair)

So, what's not to be happy about? Like anyone, I go through down days, but I always bounce back. I really do like being a positive person.

Doing Better

I'm sure I'm not alone in wanting the best for my family. Mothers are notorious, though, for leaving themselves out of the equation when seeking what's better for their kids, husbands, parents, neighbors...you get the idea. I'm no exception. I often put others before me.

It's hard to put my needs first for a few reasons. First of all, I don't whine and cry as much as the kids. If I need a nap I don't make that crystal clear by busting into tears at the drop of a hat, even if I might feel like doing just that! Secondly, there's only so much money and time to go around. It's easier for me to wear jeans that are almost threadbare for another month when the kids have outgrown theirs, along with their shoes, shirts, underwear, socks...you get the idea. Putting #1 in the second position if pretty easy to do.

Lately, I've been trying to feed us better. I figured that serving healthier meals would benefit all of us, even me! And it does. But it's also discouraging. I get a little down on myself when I hear how gross and disgusting everything I make is. I know Jace and Gracie are culinary experts, but they think they are, perhaps from watching a bit much of Top Chef and Last Food Network Star! (Actually, Gracie's pretty funny sometimes. "Mama, what I like about this is the way it looks. What I don't like is the way it tastes. Maybe next time you could add some sugar?") They get to me, though, even when I know they shouldn't. Even when I like what I've created. They get to me.

And I want to do even better than I am with food. I want to invest in grass-fed beef. I want fresh veggies. I looked into joining a CSA (Community Supported Agriculture) and decided not to this year. The most local one (less than a mile down the road!) costs a little more than I feel I can put into eating healthier right now. I hate saying that. Now I'm not even putting the kids needs in front of mine. I'm putting the budget in front of everyone's. Reality sucks sometimes, if you'll excuse my potty mouth.

There are things I am doing though, things both Scott and I are doing to make our lives and our kids' lives better. He is riding his bike to and from work. He's enjoying it and feeling great. He even commented last night that he thinks a 20 minute bike ride is more decompressing than the 35 minute car commute he used to have in Georgia. I don't doubt it for a second. I'm thrilled for him.

We're also taking the kids to the pool twice a week. Hopefully they'll learn to swim along the way, but at the very least we're having fantastic family fun! I've started going to the gym and using the parent's room once a week. It's a room with an area at the front for the kids to play, read, or watch TV. I can use a treadmill, bike, elliptical machine, rowing machine, or pull our a mat for stretching or floor exercises. We're also walking. Before tonight we'd been walking every so often. Starting tonight, I'm going to be walking daily. Period. Not for weight loss, although if that happened it would be a total bonus! I'm walking for fitness, to strengthen the muscles in my back after visiting the chiropractor. (More on that in a minute.) I'm planning on including daily walks in our homeschool schedule as well. I wanted to do some sort of fitness during the days, and now that I have to walk...they might as well join in, right?

So, the chiropractor. I know that not everyone thinks chiropractics is legit. But to me it makes perfect sense. If the body is in it's best alignment, it'll be a more healthy body. I used to go pretty regularly when we lived here in Washington before. After moving to Georgia I stopped going and made tons of excuses why it wasn't important to return. However, I've been having a lot of pain and a horrible time sleeping the last couple weeks. So, I went in for a check up. I got x-rays and an exam and tonight Scott went with me to see how "jacked up" I truly am. That's how he lovingly refers to me. As it turns out, I'm decently jacked up. Not completely beyond repair, but enough that I am quite relieved that I went in sooner rather than later.

Starting tonight I am getting frequent adjustments to work my way toward being less jacked up. After each adjustment I'm supposed to take a walk and ice my back and neck. I feel like an athlete or something cool like that! I did those two things tonight, like a good patient. And it occurred to me while walking, that I'm doing something for me and it's something that has a significant cost. Part of me wants to run and hide, put the money into savings, and pretend that my back will fix itself. But it won't. And I won't. Because a bigger part of me is proud that I'm taking care of myself. Happy that I'm setting a good example for the kids. Relieved and thrilled that I have unwavering support from my incredible husband. (When the doctor asked if we had any questions about the x-rays Scott said, "No, I knew she was jacked up." See? Completely supportive.)

So, in the end, we're eating as healthy as we can for now. Whether the kids actually eat the food given to them or not, they're being served real food. And we're incorporating fit living into our social family time and homeschooling. Maybe I can stop thinking about what we're not doing and realize we are doing better than we were. And doing better is doing the best for my family.

Sharing Passion

What are you passionate about? Do you devote extra time to volunteering in the NICU or write grant requests for non-profit groups? Are you a one-on-one mentor or lead a religious education class? Maybe you run for an office to try to bring about change or buy a few extra groceries each week for the food bank. No matter what you're doing...you're making a difference.

As I was unpacking I found a shirt from college. It was a shirt I helped design after hearing a story during a training for a mentoring program I worked with. The story goes something like this:

A man was walking down the beach, stepping over and around a great many starfish that had apparently been stranded on it when the tide went out. Off in the distance he could see someone walking toward him. The man walking his way stopped every so often, but he couldn't tell what he was doing. As the two got closer, the first man could see that the second was picking up starfish and tossing them back into the ocean. He shook his head a little. When he got close
enough to talk to the man he asked, "Why bother? You're not going to make a difference."

The second man bent down and picked a starfish from the sand. He looked at it for a second, threw it out into the ocean and said, "Made a difference to that one."

It's a good lesson to be reminded of.

Here are some links that you're welcome to visit. People are making a difference.

Baby Pickel

Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer 3-Day

Random Acts of Kindness

MckMama

Angel Food Ministries

Habitat for Humanity

Meals on Wheels

National Parks

Find your niche and volunteer!

A Man With A Plan

I was talking with my mom yesterday and learned about a scary blessing that happened recently with someone I used to go to church with. Long story, short...there is a couple who's son and his family live just down the road in a small town. The granddaughter asked if she could spend the night with Grandma one night. Her parents not only agreed, but decided that they'd stay the night too. That night their furnace exploded and their house, with all of their belongings, burnt.

There's no denying, at least in my mind, that God works in ways only He understands.

Although I haven't been through anything as frightening as my home blowing up, I have experienced God's hand in my life. One of the biggest ways He has moved me is the past three years.

Very shortly after I moved into our current home I felt like maybe we'd made a mistake. There were a few things I had on my list of wants, things way up at the top, that I didn't get in this home. And I started wondering if we should have bought a place "way out here," as everyone here says. Then I drove 2 hours a day for an entire school year to take Jace to preschool. I really questioned our decision then.

Rather than getting frustrated or down about my long drive to being a stay at home mom I consoled myself by remembering that God has a plan, and living in this not-so-thriving-whatever-the-opposite-of-metropolis-is city must be somehow part of His plan.

I think I figured it out, at least part of it...I'm sure there's more. See, at the very beginning of that first year here, at Jace's preschool, I met Kelly, who's son was in Jace's class. She pulled him out to homeschool him shortly after we met. But I'm guess that enrolling him in that school to begin with was also part of God's plan. We needed to meet somehow, right? Kelly happened to organize a mom's group. I started going and met some incredible women.

These incredible mama's supported me through a stressful pregnancy and exhausting first year with three children. We talked about faith, parenting, school, kids, education...life. We had play dates and ladies' nights. I think I only made one ladies' night, but the offer was there! I learned a lot and grew. Growing is always a goal of mine...so I'd call it a success!

At the end of the day, or of the past three years, I think the bigger picture is that I'm going to homeschool next year. I think maybe all of this was to bring me to a place where I'm willing to, and realize I'm able to, homeschool the kids. I wouldn't have gotten to this place without all I've learned through my mama's group. I think God's plan is working.

So, whether big or small...take notice of how God is at work in your life. And don't forget to give him a smile and a wink when you can finally way, "Oooohhhh. That's why we moved to Georgia and fought with gnats for three years. OK, then. But couldn't you have led me to this realization without three months of 3-digit temps? Yeah, you're probably right...I probably wouldn't have have picked up on more subtle hints." God likes smiles and winks.

;-)


:-)

How To Find Happiness

I've found myself reading about happiness (or lack of it) on people's facebook pages lately. I've commented on a few of them, but felt like maybe I should speak a little louder than a facebook status comment...like with a blog post.

I consider myself a joy-filled person. I embrace my life, with whatever challenges may be part of it. And I'm happy. If I had to sum up the secret to my happiness in one word, it would be perspective.

I'm a glass-half full kind of gal. I can't help but think that my positive nature helps secure my happy heart. There's a place in life for realism but there's also a place for idealism. I practice both in moderation, but focus mostly on what's good. And if something doesn't feel or look so great than I try to reframe it in a way that's a little rosier.

For example, on the subject of marriage...you hear people say that they are going to be stuck with the same person for the rest of their lives. If you think about marriage that way, it certainly doesn't appear to be the blessing it truly is. If you, instead, realize how lucky you are to be with only one person from here on out, the prospect of marriage is much more beautiful.

Another hot topic issue is that of being a military spouse and hearing about how hard it must be. Well, yeah...if I only ever think about how exhausting it can be to be both mom and dad and keep the kids spirits up and not think badly of my husband because he doesn't have to deal with the bad dreams, misbehaviour, or puke... Then yes, being a military spouse is tough and will seem like a huge drag that could eventually pull me under. If I instead look at my life as one of opportunity and excitement, then my job as a Navy wife isn't such a hardship. People are always saying, "I don't know how you do it." Well, here's how. I focus on the excitement of seeing my husband again after he's been away. The kids and I travel and write notes to or color pictures for Scott. We enjoy life, when Scott's here with us and when he's not.

So, if you find yourself unhappy or discontent...look at how you look at life. Happiness, in my opinion, is so much more about perspective than circumstances.

If you're interested in reading a little more on the subject, here's a link to another blog I read recently. I really enjoyed her take on finding peace. Hopefully you will too.

Ready, Set....GO!

Once I started thinking about homeschooling I started thinking about schooling year round. Shh...don't tell my kids! They're excited about homeschooling, but I don't think they be thrilled about doing it all year...unless they don't know about it. And, I'm sneaky.

I quickly decided that our first few units would be based on things we're up to this summer. I wasn't sure when I wanted to start them, though. Part of me still thought I should wait until the fall. See, even I have a hard time breaking out of the "box" sometimes. Different scenarios kept swimming through my head, though, and I have finally decided to start sooner...like now.

Well, not right now...my pupils are in bed. But I will be doing things here and there to work our way into our new roles gradually. We're all excited, but we've never had a student/teacher relationship and I imagine that'll be a little awkward every now and then until we get the hang of it. Here's what I'm planning thus far...

Tonight we worked on number order with Gracie by putting our new Wildlife Explorer cards into the binders. Every month we get a bunch of cards to add to the ones we already have. They don't come in order. The binders are organized into eight groups and there are varying numbers of cards in each group. Tonight Jace found all the Group 1 cards and organized them and Gracie got interested. So, Jace and Gracie worked together to organize the Group 2 cards. I put in my two cents every so often (Jace was a bit bossy in his helpfulness) but they did pretty well together. During this little exercise they were dealing with three digit numbers, practicing team work, and Gracie learned the definition of digit...at least we told her what it meant. We'll see if it stuck tomorrow.

We're going to St. Augustine this weekend and have started learning a little about the city. (I learned a good lesson here. I should pre-read any books I plan on reading with the kids. Even though I found a book about St. Augustine's history in the juvenile fiction section of the library there was a rather detailed description of how a Spanish conquistador tied up and stabbed 200 French explorers. Nice, huh? Thankfully I saw it coming and summarized.)

We're going to do a slow study on horses before Memorial Day weekend, when we'll be visiting with my brother-in-law and his soon-to-be-wife, who have horses.

For Gracie's birthday we're going to incorporate a trip to a butterfly garden. A unit on Butterflies is being planned. I'll probably start some of it in New York while we're there this summer. It'll overlap a bit with our unit on National Monuments and Landmarks. We'll be visiting Washington DC and (hopefully) Mt. Rushmore during out move this summer. I have some reading, coloring, and other activities the kids can work on at hotels and in the van to learn about what we'll be seeing and get excited to see it! Both of these units we'll finish after settling into our new home in Washington.

I probably won't get into a solid, daily schooling routine until August. By then, though, we'll have had some time to see how we work together as a homeschooling family.

What do you think?