A few weeks ago, I think (I can't keep track these days!), I found out about a job opening that I wasn't looking for. A few months back I found out that the job existed, but someone had it. Daphne has had this position for somewhere around 14 years. But I love the sound of her job and told Scott it might be something I could do someday. And then Daphne called me while I was shopping at Target and asked me if I knew she was retiring. I did know that, but I have a few unpaid jobs already and hadn't considered applying for her job.
But she called me. She wanted me to know that my degree and personality would be ideal for this position, her position. I told her I'd think about it, seriously, and went back to shopping.
That night I started thinking and did so for the next few weeks. Scott and I talked about it. I spoke with Daphne about what her job really entailed. I discussed it with many other people, whose opinions I respect.
I even posted on Facebook! Well, I didn't mention what the decision was, but I asked my friends how they make decisions...rock, paper, scissors or a pros/cons list? I posted about how I was asking God to plant that elusive neon sign in my yard or hit me with a God stick. That brought on a little laughter and a lot of confusion. My poor mother became very concerned about my little sister and I, I think. Mary is the one who first told me of God sticks. She read it on another blog. But the basic idea is that sometimes we need to be struck with whats wanted from us or for us. Often we try to duck, but God will keep swinging until it's crystal clear to us. Now, whether we choose to go that direction is our own deal, but God tries to let us know what He wants for us. My version of Mary's God sticks is the neon sign. Wouldn't it be nice if God planted a sign in our yards that blinked in the night so brightly that we couldn't help but notice the path we're supposed to take? I think so.
So, of course, I prayed, hoping God would strike me, alert me, something. Instead, I think He whispered. At first I was a little like, "Hello! How about a little help here?" But, in the end, I appreciated His faith in me.
It was nice to realize every one's faith in me - especially Scott's. I know he loves me. I know he appreciates me. But he likes to pick on me about having a degree and staying at home or ask me when I'm going to get a real job that actually pays money. It's in good humor, mostly, but in the face of being able to apply for a job that actually pays real money (and more than either one of us realized I could be making) I expected him to jump straight to, "What are you waiting for? Go brush up that resume!" He didn't though.
One night when we were talking about it for the hundredth time I mentioned that I was leaning toward not applying but, upon realizing how much I could be making, felt like maybe I should be contributing more to us.
"I'm perfectly happy with how much you contribute to our family and the life we have," he said.
I still want to cry thinking about that. That was an incredible answer. He definitely gets bonus points for that! Maybe it was just reverse psychology that he'll never admit to, but I chose to believe it was an honest and heartfelt response.
And, in the end, if it was reverse psychology it backfired! In the end, through all my discussions, reading, thinking, praying...after all of it, I decided not to apply for this job that might be an ideal position for me. I'm really great with that decision. Maybe some day the possibly ideal position might become mine, but for now I have a full and fulfilling life with an incredible husband and three mostly delightful children. I homeschool and I'm loving my busy, busy role as Ombudsman.
So, in the end, whatever process you use to make a decision, I think if you make it for the right reasons, whatever they are to you, and with the support of those who matter...contentment is the path you'll find yourself following.