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Like all of you, I'm a number of things to a number of people...Navy wife, homeschooling mama, educated woman and aspiring writer. Read my thoughts on all of it here. Please feel free to leave your thoughts on all of it too!

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

On a Tangent

Mathematically speaking, a tangent is the single point where a line intersects a circle.  I'm going through a tangent right now...but a pretty impressive one.  For the purposes of this post, let's say circles are synonymous with cycles and that my life is like a line.  So where does my life intersect two circles at the one place they meet?  Read on...

In life there are many cycles.  The two most prominent in my life right now are my menstrual cycle and the emotional cycle of deployment (ECD) (that I mentioned in this post).  I know, now you're totally nervous to read this post, aren't you!  Fear not, I'm not talking about anything that will make you squeamish, just highlighting where I am emotionally. 

So, as I was saying...my menstrual cycle...I didn't used to have all of the not so joyful emotional mood swings you sometimes hear about.  Until a year or so ago I floated through this cycle is my life without too much hassle.  I had friends who talked about how angry or sad they'd get during certain times of the month and I tried not to doubt them, but I had no idea what they were so upset about.  Premenstrual Syndrome (PMS) wasn't something I identified with at all.  Then, after Tyler was done nursing and my period worked itself into a new normal cycle my emotions definitely started to fluctuate with it. 

At first I was a bit entertained.  How did I have so little control over the almost rage I'd feel surge over minor things, like realizing I'd forgotten my drink in the kitchen after I just sat down in the living room?  I wondered why I'd break into tears over nothing, like spilled milk, if you don't mind the cliche.  It was amazing to me but, month by month, became more troublesome and less fascinating.  I think I now know what PMS* is.  I'm pretty sure I'd rather have been left in the dark, wondering what the big deal was. 

(*Wikipedia says that PMS can also be called PMT - Premenstrual Tension. I think I like that better. I like feeling like I could relax the extremes away.)

Over the past few months I've found ways to manage my emotional messiness, but it's still there.  And I'm right there, right now.

As for the ECD I'm solidly in stage three - Emotional Disorganization.  (See where this is headed?)  My favorite line from the link provided says that, "Wives often report feeling restless (though not productive), confused, disorganized, indecisive, and irritable."  I have to laugh at that.  Is someone watching me right now?  And I love that they point out "not productive."  Sweet. 

OK, now I'm just being sarcastic.  But seriously, you see the tangent I'm in the midst of right now, right?  I'm irritable, indecisive, and not productive while reacting irrationally and extremely to most every situation.  I'm a riot! 

I see it this way, though.  If this is a true tangent (and I'm praying that it is) it shouldn't happen again.  Yes, I'll go through the cycle of deployment again and I'll feel the tension of my menstrual cycle.  But I really hope that they will not intersect in the same way again.  But, if you see me out in public in sweats and my unwashed hair in a frayed pony tail...well, I might be here again.  The good news is - I haven't bitten any one's head completely off.  Yet.  So you might be OK.

1 comment:

Domestic Diva said...

Wow, thanks so much for posting this link to the emotional stages of deployment. I was convinced today that I'm the worst mother on the planet and that it had nothing to do with Josh being gone and simply my inadequacy as a parent, but when I read about all the irritability and anger...it really hit home. I'm so used to just being strong for Josh and never taking any of this out on him because it's all out of his control, I think I sort of blinded myself to the fact I was still feeling these emotions. I kind of admitted to myself for the first time that I'm actually feeling angry today-ANGRY, I'm really angry that Josh is gone and I have to deal with a very ornery two year old by myself. (Anger would explain why I kept screaming my head off and this is something I hardly EVER do.) Anger is also an emotion I hardly ever allow myself to feel. I can usually just sort of work over it. But thanks again for this post. And for the link. I feel a lot less alone right now. Annie, you are the best. I'm so happy I have you as a friend.