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Like all of you, I'm a number of things to a number of people...Navy wife, homeschooling mama, educated woman and aspiring writer. Read my thoughts on all of it here. Please feel free to leave your thoughts on all of it too!

Thursday, December 23, 2010

I'm Not a Single Mom

I've been known to say that when Scott's not around it's like I'm a single parent.  I mean, let's be real...he's not here, right?  I'm not alone in this comparison either.  I've read about single/married spouses on blogs, heard it directly from family members and even seen it on various news shows. 

I have a few friends that are single parents and they've never called me out saying, "Hey, you're off base," so I figured there was some truth to what I was saying.  And, in fact, there probably is some truth.  After all, like I said, he's not here. 

I've begun to wonder if I haven't been called out because everyone is focused on that one similarity. 

I don't know if my ramblings are making sense...but here's where I'm trying to go with this. 

I am not a single mom.  Even when Scott's not here I have his support. 

See what I'm saying?

Last night a friend posted on facebook that she was leaving her husband after the holiday and asked for advice from single mothers.  That couple got married the week after Scott and I.  It hit me hard.  When I've heard about others getting divorced, even parents, I've been focused on the marriage part of things, and have mourned for that.  Last night, with her plea for help from single mothers, if occurred to me that she doesn't have her husband's support anymore, because she doesn't have her husband.

I have my husband.

When Scott's not here I still imagine what he might add to a conversation, how he might want to handle a situation.  I might not always (in fact, probably not even often) handle things the same way he would, but I am not alone.  I am part of a parenting team, even when half my team is floating in the ocean in a tin can. 

So, I'm not saying that I was wrong in drawing that comparison or that everyone else is either.  I am saying however, that I think our trials as military wives and parents, are different than those of single parents.  Not better or worse, simply different.  There are similarities, yes, but differences also. 

My hope for single parents out there, including my friend who is soon to be one, is that they have support similar to that I have in my teammate, my husband, whether they find it in their parents, their friends, their siblings, occasionally even their ex's.  Everyone needs that.  Even super moms.


Domestic Diva said...

I've actually considered this very thing before too. Not just in the context of divorce but also death. I always have the comfort of knowing that "Soon he'll be home again" I can't imagine not having that solace. And the support of a spouse doesn't truly go away in their absence just as you said, I have conversations all the with Josh in a little journal when he's out to sea. (All the things I don't want to burden him with in an e-mail) Most of the time, I don't even feel the need to share it with him when he's home, because simply knowing he is out there loving me through it-even if he doesn't quite know what "It" is-comforts me. I liked this perspective. Very well described for something challenging to put words to.

Annie said...

It is challenging to put into words. I kept thinking "we're alone when they're gone, but we're not alone." I'm glad you enjoyed this post.

Mary Teresa said...

I look at it this way. I have the fun from both sides of the isle. I'm the one handling the day to day growth of my child. By Myself. I have Nick's support, but I don't always have his input. BUT...I also have the joys of being married. That day that both of us are off and the talk that I've been waiting for doesn't go as planned and I end up in tears. I'm a married single mom right now. we're a breed all our own. I know what you mean though sister. Merry Christmas.

Elizabeth&Chris said...

You are so right!! I have often thought of it that way, but always knew it wasn't quite the same. Thank you for sharing your insite.