Being honest with me

Remember my one word goal for 2011?  If not, and you've got some time on your hands, feel free to go scan that post.  The gist of it, though, is that rather than setting a making a resolution for the New Year, I'd simply set a motto to live by.  My guiding concept for this year is "be."

I want to be present and focused and in everything I'm doing.  I must say that eight months ago I didn't foresee the life I'd have right now.  I thought I'd be "being" in a whole different way.  As I took a few minutes to reflect on this the other night, what I originally thought of as failing in my goal I realized wasn't. 

My Back Itches

Don't you hate when you've got an itch in between your shoulder blades and you can't get it?  Don't you love when you're honey notices you squirming and asks, "Can I help you with something?"

Do you get frustrated when the recycling is piling up and the garbage is overflowing and you notice it but are just so busy with life that you don't take it out?  Don't you love when you've finally finished everything else and you're just about to flop down on the couch for the night and you remember them and head to the kitchen only to see they've been taken out by your love?

Doesn't it drive you up a wall when you're washing a quick load of dishes while stirring dinner on the stove and one of your kids comes up behind you whining, "Mama...can you (fill in the blank)?"  And don't you love it when you're gritting your teeth before growling, "What?" at that innocent babe and you hear, "Come here.  Let Dada help you," from the other room?

Visit At Your Own Risk

I love having people come see us.  We do live several thousand miles from our family and it's a joy when they spend hours on a plane just to visit us.  However, lately whenever someone is here I've gotten quite busy! 

Days before my little sister and her son flew in from Germany (via California and a side vacation to Hawaii - nice, huh?) our FRG (Family Readiness Group) President stepped down.  I had already decided to put my name in for an official volunteer position with the command, in fact I may have already done it even.  The last month or so is a blur - so I'm not really sure! 

So, while I was "visiting" with them I was attending meetings to turnover the FRG position so I could step up from the Vice President role.  It's been a busy month with all that being the standing FRG President has meant.  And, on Wednesday, I found out that I'd been chosen as one of two new Ombudsmen for our crew - that's the official volunteer position I mentioned.

On Tuesday night Scott's parents flew in to visit and they're here for all the meetings I'm attending and all the time I'm putting into kicking off my appointment as Ombudsman well.

So, come visit at your own risk!  We'd love to see you, but by "we" I might mean the kids and Scott, if he's around.  If not, could you babysit? 

Mrs. Mama

I don't know if multitasking and combining roles or jobs is all that new, really.  Just think about parents - they've been around for a while and I don't know anyone who is "just a parent."  So I think we just keep changing the name for things and adjusting what we're multitasking as times and situations change around us.

A Note From My Mom

Dear Annie's blog readers,

Please excuse Annie's long absence from posting silly, enlightening, thought provoking blog posts.  She has been very busy with life.  Things never got so bad that a doctor's visit was necessary, although, a visit with a friend was in order and Annie complied with her recommendations to drink wine and eat dessert.  (The friend technically is a doctor, so if you'd like the doctor's excuse too, I'm sure we can arrange that.)  Annie is really no less busy now, but feeling more organized.  She's hoping to get back to blogging more regularly now. 

Thank you,

Annie's mom

What Makes Me Awesome

So, there I was innocently minding my own business on facebook.  When suddenly Smrt Mama posted all sorts of things that I found interesting and possibly even important.  In the midst of all the things she shared was something she put on her blog back in November.  It was an exercise in realizing how incredible you are.  I didn't do it then.  I was busy, tired, had all sorts of excuses.  But today I decided I'd take a crack at it.  What about you?  Are you ready to see how awesome you are?

Friday Fill-In #31

1. Aside from no deployments, what is one thing you would want to make the MilSpouse life “perfect”? submitted by Oh How Delightful

Friday Fill-In #30

It's back!  With some great questions from the milspouses that answer the questions each week...check it out!

1.  What is your favorite MilSpouse blog (not including Wife of a Sailor who we all love, or your own)? submitted by Our Crazy Life (Wifey note: whaaaat? You can’t say my blog? No fun! LOL, just kidding)


I don't actually read a lot of blogs regularly, but the two I find myself drawn to most often are Randomonium (not only is she a Navy wife, but she's also primal - bonus for me!) and Planting Shade (a dear friend of my sister who's personality and writing style reach out to me).

2.  What are your favorite perks about your s/o being deployed (we all know there are perks)? submitted by Ramblings of a Marine Wife

I like realizing all the things I love about him all over again.  There's probably more, but right now, at this point in the patrol I don't want to think about what's good about him being gone, I just want to be excited that he's going to be home sooner rather than later and the perks that come with that!

3.  How long did you date your before getting engaged? Married? submitted by Utterly Chaotic

Well, on and off since 5th grade!  I'm serious.  It was way back then when I thought he was boring that she laughed and said, "You're probably going to marry him."  After years of holding hands on the bus and getting in trouble for calling long distance to dedicate songs to him on the radio (yes, there was a time that people paid for long distance calls by the minute!) we dated for over a year in high school. 

He broke up with me near the end of our Senior year so that he could join the Navy and I wouldn't feel tied to him.  (I'm still not sure if he was being thoughtful or selfish - but it worked.)  We remained friends and we both sorta dated other people.  In my Sophomore year of college we officially got back together, got engaged during Junior year and were married the month after I graduated from college...10 1/2 years ago!
4.  What do you think your would do if s/he wasn’t in the military? submitted by Adventures of M-Squared

He believes that if we hadn't gotten married he probably would have gotten out of the Navy and gone to Alaska to make some money on the fishing boats and been a climber in the mountains around here during the off season.  But if we were still married and he just wasn't in...I really don't know.  What he'll do after he retires from the Navy is something we discuss frequently and the options range from self-employed wood worker and general handyman to wearing a new uniform, a suit and tie, in whatever the equivalent of division officer is in the civilian world.  Time will tell...

5.  If you could talk to the Secretary of (fill in your appropriate branch) what is one suggestion you would like to bring to their attention in order to improve the lives of military families? submitted by My Life as His (Air Force) Wife

Such a thought provoking question.  I'm trying to think about what would make my life easier...one thing that would really help is to have free childcare at the gym.  I know, it's a little silly with all the other things that could be done.  But it would really help me to be able to jump in the pool every now and then.  Heck, I'd even pay for childcare...not much, but something...I just want it at the gym!

Friday Fill-In #29

1.Since most if the country has had nasty weather, what has your weather been like this week?
     I'm here in the great PNW!  We've been cool but clear lately! 

Friday Fill-In #28

1.If you were a famous movie star, what types of movies would you star in?

I think I'd fit into a chick flick best.  My comebacks are quick enough for comedy and I think I'd be scared doing thrillers!  But predictable drama with a "happily ever after" ending...I'm in! 


2.What is a vacation you would like to take if money were no object?

I'd love to travel with my family.  If money was really no option then none of us would have to work and we could spend a week or two here or there...seeing the sights from coast to coast.  Going abroad would be fun too...and incredible to see buildings that have been standing for longer than the US has existed.  But, I really do want to visit each of our 50 states...each one has so much to offer.

3.Did you have pets growing up?

yup.  When I was little (single digits) we had cows and horses.  Even after we got rid of them we had cats and dogs.  My favorite little doggy was Benji, who looked just like Benji - the famous dog.  He hopped through the snow and we called him snow bunny!  He was so fun!

4.What do you do for exercise?

not enough.  We walk and are trying to do that more.  There are other things I'd like to do...but we know that as military spouses it's not always easy to get time away from the kids and I don't necessarily want to pay for a sitter and pay for a workout.  So...much of my exercise goals remain goals.  But we are walking - did over 2 miles today!

5.What is the best piece of advice you’ve ever received as a MilSpouse?

"It's written in jello."  As in nothing is in stone in the military, dates can change, home for dinner might turn into, "Don't wait up."


That's what I have to say...want to read other milspouse answers?  Wifey's got em!  Go...go!

Looking Up...Looking Forward

So, I've written a little bit on here about the difficulties of being a military spouse to a submariner.  I've told about the effects of mixing the Emotional Cycle of Deployment with PMS.  One post I just talked about how I do it, and should probably add that there are many other paths out there.  There are lots of ways to be a spouse, with or without the military mixed in to add stress.  And there was the post where I pointed out that I'm not single. 

I think all those posts have merit, but I also would like to say...take anything I say with a grain of salt.  I'm not perfect.  I have days, weeks, possibly months where I'm anything but perfect.  The last few weeks probably fall into that category more than any other. 

With all my positive words and encouragement of others I was really focused on one day at a time.  We've been busy, I've been tired and irritable and sad.  I kept telling myself that one day at a time was fine, just life as it was going to be for now.  And we'd get through. 

Then a few different things happened over the course of a week or two.  First of all, I spent a night with some girlfriends.  We all have kids around the same age and after we tucked them all in we had plenty of time for wonderful chit chat.  It was great.  I felt refreshed, better but not "my old self."  I'm a planner.  I'm always looking forward.  I wasn't there yet.

Then I had some blood work done and found out my vitamin D levels were low.  Not terribly low, but low enough to take a supplement.  Talking to my personal phone-a-doc friend I found out that one possible side effect of low vitamin D can be mild depression. 

When Scott first left I had trouble falling asleep, which eventually turned into just not even trying to get to sleep until much later than I probably should have been staying up. 

So, to sum it up...not enough sleep, low vitamin D, just a touch of stress...I don't know if I was actually depressed but I was definitely low.  And I didn't even realize it, just thought it was life.  One day at a time. 

Then Sunday I ran into a friend I haven't seen or talked to in over three years.  We were at the grocery store and the kids were crazy.  She and I chatted a while and she even suggested talking to a counselor if I needed to.  How had I not thought of that?  If you don't already know, I have a Master's degree as a therapist.  Going for help when I need it isn't a scary thought for me, like it is for some.  It just never crossed my mind.  I didn't even think about what I was going through being anything out of the ordinary for someone in my position.  And maybe it isn't.  But it's no way to live.

The last two nights I've gone to bed earlier than I have been, still not my regular time, but an improvement.  I've gotten outside with the kids.  I haven't had any caffeine, other than a little chai (stimulates the mind not the nerves), no sugar that doesn't occur naturally.  I feel so much better.  Already I'm thinking of what we're doing later this week, next month, this spring.  I'm me!

I'm me. 

So, I don't think I need to see a therapist right now, but for me just having an enemy (depression) gave me a problem to tackle and helped me make the changes I've known needed changing for weeks. 

I wasn't sure how to put this all out there for you all.  I wanted to share because I don't want anyone thinking I'm some super woman.  I love hearing that I'm transparent on here...I want to be.  I want my vulnerability to speak to readers and say that their imperfections are perfectly acceptable.  We all have down days, weeks, maybe months...but there are ways to turn it around.  Just don't give up...keep looking for that way out, listen when it comes calling, and ask for help when you need it.  It's there.

Submarine Study

So, it's been a while since we've completed a study, right?  Well, there are all sorts of excuses...holidays, life, blah, blah.  Don't fret, though, I don't think kids know how to not learn, so even when we didn't officially have a unit focus we were still reading and experiencing...and climbing trees!  Very important skill.



That's Jace's head sticking out the top of the tree.

But, over the last few weeks we've been working on getting back into the swing of our routine.  The kids were very interested in learning more about submarines, with Dada being on one and all.  When we were in Georgia we visited the submarine museum there and the kids really enjoyed it.  They even remembered some of what we saw and learned.  Love when that happens!  We intended to go to the sub museum here in Washington as part of our study but never made it.  There are excuses for that too...blah, blah, blah!  We'll get there in the next few weeks...sometime.

So, what did we do?  As always we read a lot.  Our three favorite library books were:

Submarines: Underwater Stealth, by Michael Teitelbaum

Nuclear Submariners, by Antony Loveless

Submarines, by Kevin Doyle

They had great pictures and lots of information.  And the information was broken up into short segments not long, boring paragraphs.  We also spend possibly too much time at Barnes and Noble.  Tyler loves the train table and there are lots of books to read and look through!  They had a great one there, Submarines UP Close, by Andra Serlin Abramson, with even more pictures...some at actual size! 

We also made some drawings, went and looked at the submarine monument on base (again, we looked at it during our monument study too), and made a flip book.  Here are some pictures of the kids working of our submarine fact book...

After writing this is doesn't seem like our (what turned into a) three week unit was all that meaty.  But the kids really did get a lot out of it. The reasons it took more than the original one week planed were two fold...there was a snow day and I could see how much they really wanted to read more and more.  We read each of our library books more than once and they loved it.  Jace read them on his own too.  I'm sure it helped them feel closer to Dada.  But they also learned a lot about how submarines work, the different types of submarines, what the submariners do out to sea and during off crew.  It was a great study!

(If you'd like to read about our other units...check here for a list.)

On a Tangent

Mathematically speaking, a tangent is the single point where a line intersects a circle.  I'm going through a tangent right now...but a pretty impressive one.  For the purposes of this post, let's say circles are synonymous with cycles and that my life is like a line.  So where does my life intersect two circles at the one place they meet?  Read on...

In life there are many cycles.  The two most prominent in my life right now are my menstrual cycle and the emotional cycle of deployment (ECD) (that I mentioned in this post).  I know, now you're totally nervous to read this post, aren't you!  Fear not, I'm not talking about anything that will make you squeamish, just highlighting where I am emotionally. 

So, as I was saying...my menstrual cycle...I didn't used to have all of the not so joyful emotional mood swings you sometimes hear about.  Until a year or so ago I floated through this cycle is my life without too much hassle.  I had friends who talked about how angry or sad they'd get during certain times of the month and I tried not to doubt them, but I had no idea what they were so upset about.  Premenstrual Syndrome (PMS) wasn't something I identified with at all.  Then, after Tyler was done nursing and my period worked itself into a new normal cycle my emotions definitely started to fluctuate with it. 

At first I was a bit entertained.  How did I have so little control over the almost rage I'd feel surge over minor things, like realizing I'd forgotten my drink in the kitchen after I just sat down in the living room?  I wondered why I'd break into tears over nothing, like spilled milk, if you don't mind the cliche.  It was amazing to me but, month by month, became more troublesome and less fascinating.  I think I now know what PMS* is.  I'm pretty sure I'd rather have been left in the dark, wondering what the big deal was. 

(*Wikipedia says that PMS can also be called PMT - Premenstrual Tension. I think I like that better. I like feeling like I could relax the extremes away.)


Over the past few months I've found ways to manage my emotional messiness, but it's still there.  And I'm right there, right now.

As for the ECD I'm solidly in stage three - Emotional Disorganization.  (See where this is headed?)  My favorite line from the link provided says that, "Wives often report feeling restless (though not productive), confused, disorganized, indecisive, and irritable."  I have to laugh at that.  Is someone watching me right now?  And I love that they point out "not productive."  Sweet. 

OK, now I'm just being sarcastic.  But seriously, you see the tangent I'm in the midst of right now, right?  I'm irritable, indecisive, and not productive while reacting irrationally and extremely to most every situation.  I'm a riot! 

I see it this way, though.  If this is a true tangent (and I'm praying that it is) it shouldn't happen again.  Yes, I'll go through the cycle of deployment again and I'll feel the tension of my menstrual cycle.  But I really hope that they will not intersect in the same way again.  But, if you see me out in public in sweats and my unwashed hair in a frayed pony tail...well, I might be here again.  The good news is - I haven't bitten any one's head completely off.  Yet.  So you might be OK.

Military Monday Blog Hop

Another set of questions (love them) and another way to meet more military families online (love that too).  Welcome to Military Monday Blog Hop!

This little festival of friendly fun is brought to you by

     and    

I, however, learned about it through one of my favorite, peace filled, and thought provoking sites:

So, visit them one and all!  Join in the blog hop (that's always fun!) or just find new people to follow, laugh, and cry with.  Either way...enjoy your time here and I hope to see you again soon!

Now, for my Q&A.

1. Tell us about the name of your blog...

I enjoy writing and I'm pretty transparent.  My blog title, Live it. Love it (or not). Write about it., reflects those things.  You can find posts on here about everything from our Navy life and how we raise our kids to eating and living healthfully.  I also do review of our homeschooling units and through in crazy things the kids say and do!   

2. Where are you from?
Born and raised in Western New York and married the boy down the road.  After spending the first six years of our marriage in Washington state, and being back here again, this feels like home too.

3. Why do you blog? 

Because I enjoy writing, sharing stories, and letting others know it's OK not to be perfect!  I try to write about all aspects of our lives and maybe someone else reads something and they can identify with it.  I know I like feeling less alone in my crazy world, it's my goal to provide that comfort for others as well.  Plus, it lets our family and friends who don't see us all the time keep up with what's going on in our lives!

4. Do you have any blogging goals for this year?

Nothing formal.  I just want to keep doing it.  Maybe in a few years I'll want to make something more of this outlet, but for now it's a great release for me and not a job.  We'll see where it takes me...

Friday Fill-In #26

It's been a while!  Between Wifey's holiday and homecoming break and my bread for no good reason other than life took over...I haven't been very consistent with these little questionnaires.  But, I think I'm ready to be back at it!  Woo hoo! 

1.What are you looking forward to most in 2011? from Jessica Lynn Writes

Visitors.  As a family of five we're not going to be flying home (WA to NY) on a whim anytime soon.  So, I'm really excited to see the family that can come see us here.  We've got several on the books for March and April and hopefully some more this summer!


2.What is something random you do on a boring night when your significant other is away? from Lovin Ma Soldier

You mean other than answer questions on my blog?  Seriously, though, I do that even when he is around.  So, something I do when he's not around...I watch a lot of Dateline, 48 Hours, Real Forensics...that sort of thing.  They're not his favorites and I am simply amazed by how screwed up people can be. 
3.What has been your greatest adventure as a MilSpouse? from Misadventures of An Army Momma

I feel like right now is my greatest adventure.  Only recently have I realized that I'm in a unique position.  I'm an officer's wife, he's prior enlisted, and I'm on the FRG board.  Bottom line?  I have a lot of people to interact with and a lot of avenues to try when working towards improvements.  I don't fit a stereotype (that I know of) and that's perfect for who I try to be. 

4.What is the ugliest fashion trend you ever bought into (I’d like to make fun of you, so can you please provide a picture as well)? from More Than An Army Wife

I don't know about ugly, but perhaps behind the times.  In middle and high school (early and mid 90's) we were reluctant to let go of the 80's and boldly blended our grunge with our leg warmers! 
5.What was the high point of last month?

Last month had a high point?  Honestly it was a rough month.  I don't even want to think about it long enough to pick out a high point, so I'll just focus on the future. 

Don't forget to go check out other people's answers and join in yourself!  See ya next week!

How Do You Do It: Missing Dada

Yesterday I wrote a post about how much I love my husband, Scott, even though he many not be Prince Charming.  Today I thought I'd focus on his role as daddy, or in our house - Dada.  He's pretty special there too.  All three kids love their father.  Tyler even admits it sometimes, but not always.  He's probably more like Scott than either Jace or Gracie, and he gives him the hardest time.  It's quite humorous from the outside.  And I don't think Scott takes it too personally.  Thank goodness.  But, when a father is loved, picked on, and looked up too so much, how do you handle a patrol? 

For those who aren't submariners or family members, patrols are about a three month period where Scott is basically out of touch.  He isn't gone for a year or 15 months, like some deployments overseas.  He's not even gone for six to nine months, like surface ships and their fleets.  The biggest difference, in my opinion, is that we have no contact with him.  I can send emails.  They go out and might get to him, might not.  He may or may not have a chance to send a quick note back.  But, there are no phone calls, no regular contact via email or postal mail.  And we're in the midst of a patrol now.

So, how did Scott and I prepare the kids for missing Dada? 

Some families actually video tape bedtime stories or hello messages.  We didn't do that, but we did get a recordable book called All The Ways I Love You, that Scott recorded for them.  We read it twice the first night he left and several times since.  Gracie and Tyler have each pulled it down on their own and read it.  Jace hasn't, that I've seen, but he will go sit next to the other two when they're reading it. 

We got a selection of cards for the kids to open up every week or so.  They're in the "missing you" and "thinking of you" vein.  Today we opened out first and it talked about sending a hug for every day of the week.  The kids are saving up hugs now for Dada when he returns!  Hope he's ready!

I got the kids "daddy" shirts to wear when they miss him. 



"Navy Kid
Toughest job in the Navy"



"My daddy plays in the water"



"Sailor's little girl"

 They love their shirts.  Before the next patrol we night need to get another option because I'm doing a lot of laundry making sure their shirts are clean and ready to be worn!  

And, tonight, Jace and I made submarines for dinner.  They were messy, but totally fun!  Basically, I cooked up some link sausages and let them cool enough to touch.  Jace mixed up some pancake mix, but didn't add all the liquid.  We then smooshed the pancake mixture around the sausages and baked in the frying pan.

What do you think?  We only made eight and they made the rest of the batter, with added water, into regular pancakes.  The submarines were messy to make! 

But they were totally fun to eat!  Jace thought it would be fun to get a black edible marker and paint them black like a real sub and then write "730" on them!  (The USS HENRY M. JACKSON is #730 and is Scott's boat.)  I think he's quite creative, but I'm glad they're nicely browned and not black!

So, that's what we do...not too much, not too little.  We talk about Dada all the time.  We look at pictures and share memories about him, much the same way we do with Grandmas and Grandpas, Aunts and Uncles, cousins, friends.  We have a lot of loved ones who don't live near us...we make them a part of our lives in little ways, even if they don't know it!  We do the same for Scott.  We joke about what he might be eating for lunch when we go to the mall and get Kataluma Chai shakes.  We wonder if he gets to watch Dukes of Hazzard at night.  And we make plans for when he gets back...hiking, playing choo choo, cuddling, reading books.  Sometimes we laugh.  Sometimes we cry.  All of it's perfectly acceptable here. 

We miss Dada.  Nothing wrong with that!  And there are lots of ways to miss him, but this is how we're doing it.  How do you you handle your kids missing their loved ones?

Self-reflection and Thanks

Ladies, ladies...thank you so much for the pats on the back and the encouragement.  I really don't think I'm a horrible mother.  I do, however, think I have not-so-great moments.  I'm human.  What can I say?

I am very thankful that you all responded so quickly and with such certainty that my kids are in good hands.  Here's a little bit of an email my dearest friend sent me after reading my confession:

You want to know why you're a Super Mom? Because after you got done scolding your kids and making them pick up, you went upstairs and realized you'd perhaps vented a little misplaced frustration and realized that your kids are just being kids (and not bad ones), you cried because you're a Super Mom. Unsuper Moms don't realize those things. Unsuper Moms tromp upstairs and fume about their pain in the ass kids and absent husbands. If Unsuper Moms cry it's because they realize they can't off their offspring without being caught, and they're stuck with them for years to come, and it's only going to get worse. Super Moms accept hugs from their 5 yr olds and wonder if they're doing irreparable damage...which you're not. If your kids end up in therapy because of you, its going to be for something you do years from now....I can guarantee you haven't earned Unsuper-status yet and aren't going to any time soon. I'm betting on no parentally-earned therapy for your kids, period.

I love that she doesn't discount the idea that I could do something in the future that will put my kids in therapy!  Her support is laden with humor!  However, I think I might agree with what she's getting at.  I don't claim to be super anything, really, but I do think that there is something to realizing our mistakes.  Even in the moments where I haven't known what to do with a certain parenting situation and I thought I might be at my wits end, I haven't wanted to give them up.  I do love these three monkeys.  I do love their father.  It's a good thing.

And I like that I'm honest with the kids.  I think it's a good thing that I can admit to them when I've made a mistake or when the strength of my yelling wasn't quite proportionate with the transgression they committed.  I even think I'm getting better at letting go of the frustration and moving on to play Legos, read books, watch movies...have fun with the kids again.  I have noticed how quickly the kids move past being in trouble and I'm making a conscious effort (being intentional in 2011) to do so as well.   

I've always been honest with the kids about my emotions, which are many!  They know that sometimes I don't want to read a book because I'm tired and sometimes its because I'm lazy and sometimes its because I'm annoyed.  They also know that in five or ten minutes they can ask if I'm still feeling that way and I'm probably not and will likely read them a book.  So, even when Scott's gone, I'm not "strong for them," as some people try to be.  Instead, they know that I'm sad, that I miss him, and that crying about it sometimes is OK.  It's perfectly acceptable to wear our "daddy" shirts and talk about him.  It's also OK to have fun while he's gone and share those stories with him.  And we're all in it together.

Lastly, I'm making an effort to get to sleep earlier.  I'm currently trying to find the balance between a little kid-free me time after their bedtimes and the longer amount of time it takes me to actually get to sleep without Scott.  It's a tricky balance.  I am also over my cravings for Mt. Dew, which is spectacular to say.  I know some of you thought I was being a little hard on myself for having this one little vice.  But it wasn't little and it wasn't one.  It was a daily habit (often more than one a day) in a diet that is reasonably healthy otherwise.  And the cycle of caffeine, including the crash, was not something that I enjoyed.  I much prefer healthy eating, adequate sleep, and stable moods.  I'm sure the kids do too!  So, we're well on our way to "back on track" with that!

OK, one more thing...

I didn't write yesterday's post to fish for parenting compliments.  I like to be real.  I am real.  I want to put myself out there so other parents, spouses, whomever reads my writings know that they're not alone.  We all shine sometimes and we all need a lot of polishing other times.  Thank you for all rubbing you guys do!  Hopefully I can help you put a little gleam in your armor when you need it too!

"Tell me about your relationship with your mother..."

I know it's not always the mother that is the root of all mental health issues, but lately I feel like it is going to be me that the kids will have deep seeded issues they'll need to work out on some one's couch some day.  Does anyone still use a couch?  Probably...probably those that cost an arm and a leg...good thing Gracie has several jobs lined up and Jace is crazy smart and Tyler's going to be a robber.  That way they can pay for all the therapy I feel like I'm setting them up for. 

(For the record, I don't think Tyler's going to be a robber - Jace does.  I see him more as a cool high school teacher and coach.)

OK, I'm hopefully not really causing that much mental anguish, but I kind of feel like I'm a total wreck and, therefore, not being a great mama.  Last night I walked downstairs to look at the classroom, which I hadn't thought about in a week and a half.  I blew.  I yelled every one's name and scolded them for the mess and yelled at them to clean it up.  I made myself very clear that anything that was in my way this morning when I came down to teach them would get put in a garbage bag and thrown into the garbage bin.  Then I stomped upstairs immediately regretting the yelling, what I said, how I said it. 

Our classroom is also our playroom.  There are Legos (a lot of Legos) that are allowed to stay out and set up on a coffee table very near our classroom table.  So, obviously, when not kept in check, the little Lego men expand their lands under the table and on the table and wherever else they can think of.  It only makes sense.  And Gracie likes to color and those materials are in a cart right next to the table too.  So, again, when not kept in check, they'll get left on the table and dropped on the floor.  I haven't been checking.  The kids are 7, 5, and 3 years old...they haven't been caring.  Of course the table is covered and the floor is covered.  Of course. 

Of freakin' course! 

So I cried.  I haven't been sleeping well, although not for lack of trying.  I miss my husband more than I thought I would, which probably sounds bad, but honestly he hasn't been around much the last few months anyway, so I didn't think his not being around at all would hurt so much.  That probably doesn't sound any better.  Anyway, I'm also trying to kick the treats of the holidays and my old friend Mt. Dew to the curb and might be suffering from withdrawal.  Whatever the reasons...I cried. 

And Gracie came up from cleaning up the classroom and gave me a big hug, and apologized for frustrating me by not picking up her toys.  The first thing that came to mind was the fact that abused women often apologize to their abusers for 'making them' so angry.  That's when I thought that it may not always be the mom, but in our case it might be.

And, while I sit here writing this, Tyler is sitting next to me counting the letters on my shirt.  (I didn't know he could count to six!)  And then he asked me what my t-shirt says.

SUPER MOM

SUPER WIFE

SUPER TIRED

That's the shirt...and when I read it to him?  You guessed it - I cried!  See?  I'm a wreck!  I don't feel super anything...except tired.  That definitely describes me these days.  

So, what's my point?  I don't want to be the reason my kids seek therapy in the future, but I fear that life isn't always about what I want.  Bummer, huh?

I'm Not a Single Mom

I've been known to say that when Scott's not around it's like I'm a single parent.  I mean, let's be real...he's not here, right?  I'm not alone in this comparison either.  I've read about single/married spouses on blogs, heard it directly from family members and even seen it on various news shows. 

I have a few friends that are single parents and they've never called me out saying, "Hey, you're off base," so I figured there was some truth to what I was saying.  And, in fact, there probably is some truth.  After all, like I said, he's not here. 

I've begun to wonder if I haven't been called out because everyone is focused on that one similarity. 

I don't know if my ramblings are making sense...but here's where I'm trying to go with this. 

I am not a single mom.  Even when Scott's not here I have his support. 

See what I'm saying?

Last night a friend posted on facebook that she was leaving her husband after the holiday and asked for advice from single mothers.  That couple got married the week after Scott and I.  It hit me hard.  When I've heard about others getting divorced, even parents, I've been focused on the marriage part of things, and have mourned for that.  Last night, with her plea for help from single mothers, if occurred to me that she doesn't have her husband's support anymore, because she doesn't have her husband.

I have my husband.

When Scott's not here I still imagine what he might add to a conversation, how he might want to handle a situation.  I might not always (in fact, probably not even often) handle things the same way he would, but I am not alone.  I am part of a parenting team, even when half my team is floating in the ocean in a tin can. 

So, I'm not saying that I was wrong in drawing that comparison or that everyone else is either.  I am saying however, that I think our trials as military wives and parents, are different than those of single parents.  Not better or worse, simply different.  There are similarities, yes, but differences also. 

My hope for single parents out there, including my friend who is soon to be one, is that they have support similar to that I have in my teammate, my husband, whether they find it in their parents, their friends, their siblings, occasionally even their ex's.  Everyone needs that.  Even super moms.

Day Book (December 8th)

FOR TODAY


Outside my window...it's dark, but Christmas lights are sparkling.

I am thinking...about homeschooling plans for the month and FRG plans for the next few.

I am thankful for...joy.

From the learning rooms...we're having a lot of fun these days and talking about basics.  It's a very good place to start.  (When is the Sound of Music on again?)

From the kitchen...lots of leftovers are being served next to a salad. 

I am wearing...my "support the military" ensemble: Navy sweat pants and the 630th MP Company's shirt.

I am creating...balance.

I am reading...a James Patterson book.

I am hoping...for a night out with Scott before he leaves.

I am hearing...kids playing downstairs and the beautiful voices of The Sing-Off on TV.

Around the house...Christmas decorations are up!

One of my favorite things...when the kids get along!

A few plans for the rest of the week: holiday baking, schooling, maybe dinner with friends?

Here is picture for thought I am sharing...



Scott (and Jim) decorated all these beautiful treats!



Feel free to mosey on over to the simple woman's day book to read others' entries or to take part.