Taboos

What don't you talk about? 

Everyone has things that are uncomfortable to have a conversation about.  Sex, politics, and religion seem to be big ticket items that we shouldn't discuss in polite company, right? 

WHAT?

Perhaps we haven't properly met.  I don't do taboos.  Don't get me wrong, I don't air all my laundry everywhere.  But I do think everything can be talked about, and most of it probably should be discussed in polite company.  After all, if you can't talk about your opinions and values nicely, you probably don't need to be talking about them at all.  I know, I know...people are often passionate about these topics, and that's fine.  But you can be passionate and respectful.  They're not mutually exclusive. 

Military Monday Blog Hop

Another set of questions (love them) and another way to meet more military families online (love that too).  Welcome to Military Monday Blog Hop!

This little festival of friendly fun is brought to you by

     and    

I, however, learned about it through one of my favorite, peace filled, and thought provoking sites:

So, visit them one and all!  Join in the blog hop (that's always fun!) or just find new people to follow, laugh, and cry with.  Either way...enjoy your time here and I hope to see you again soon!

Now, for my Q&A.

1. Tell us about the name of your blog...

I enjoy writing and I'm pretty transparent.  My blog title, Live it. Love it (or not). Write about it., reflects those things.  You can find posts on here about everything from our Navy life and how we raise our kids to eating and living healthfully.  I also do review of our homeschooling units and through in crazy things the kids say and do!   

2. Where are you from?
Born and raised in Western New York and married the boy down the road.  After spending the first six years of our marriage in Washington state, and being back here again, this feels like home too.

3. Why do you blog? 

Because I enjoy writing, sharing stories, and letting others know it's OK not to be perfect!  I try to write about all aspects of our lives and maybe someone else reads something and they can identify with it.  I know I like feeling less alone in my crazy world, it's my goal to provide that comfort for others as well.  Plus, it lets our family and friends who don't see us all the time keep up with what's going on in our lives!

4. Do you have any blogging goals for this year?

Nothing formal.  I just want to keep doing it.  Maybe in a few years I'll want to make something more of this outlet, but for now it's a great release for me and not a job.  We'll see where it takes me...

A Few Changes

So, I've been playing with my blog design.  You may have noticed.  Maybe not.  Either way, let me tell you about the changes I've made.  Basically I removed some of the links from the side bar and added them in my new pages at the top.  Directly under the blog's title you see four little tabs that say will bring you to different places here at Live it.  Love it (or not).  Write about it.

"Home" will bring you to the most current posts.

"Our Navy Life" gives a little blurb about our lives as a Navy family.  I haven't put any links on there yet.  I'm still deciding what ones I want to add.

"Homeschooling" provides you with a short story about how and why we homeschool.  Those of you who know me are likely surprised that it's such a short story!  I figured I was writing pages and pages on here, so readers could always find out more if they wanted.  Or they could ask!  It also includes links to other blogs about homeschooling and to the unit reviews I've posted on here.

"Living Healthy" tells you a little about primal living and lists several other sites that can help you live primally, mind, body, and spirit. 

I hope you enjoy the little differences.  To some it may not seem like much.  I'm obviously not an expert in the world of technology.  I am excited, though, to have made a few little improvements.  Let me know what you think.

Help Wanted!

A few weeks ago I read a post on Finances: Your Way that got me thinking about the kids and money.  I've thought about this subject before but after this article I actually did more than think!  I asked questions of friends and family.  Scott and I discussed it.  I read some other takes, like this one with ideas from Dave Ramsey.  What I was looking for was a way for the kids to understand and respect money.  Here's what we settled on...

This is our "Help Wanted" sign.  It's on the door to our classroom/playroom/office/guest bedroom.  The kids go through that door several times a day, so they can see if money making opportunities are added.  I also let them know, once, if I add something.  Gracie can't read everything yet, so this way I'm sure that she knows what she can do. 

Recycling stays on there all the time.  Our recycling collects in the kitchen and at least once a day there's an arm load that needs to get taken downstairs to just outside the garage doors and get put into the bin.  If one of the kids does this task without being asked they make five whole cents!  Other things get added and after a day or two, if they haven't gotten done, then I do them and erase them.  Or the kids are asked to do them and not get paid.  Either way, you only make money off the help wanted poster if you complete a task without prompting. 

There are several chores that don't earn money.  Setting the table, helping to prepare and/or serve food, cleaning up afterward are all part of life, along with cleaning up toys and other little things I'm sure I'm forgetting. 

The kids keep a tally of how much they've made on the right hand side of dry erase poster.  When their earnings reach a dollar I give them one.  Gracie has earned her first dollar and is on the way towards her second.  Jace is moving a little slower, but that's OK.  They're both helping out more and getting a few cents for their work. 

I've also decided that their money is theirs to do what they want with, for now.  They see me give to charity, both in money and in material donations.  They see me spend.  And they hear about saving money for things we want in the future.  So, I feel pretty good about this step in teaching them more about money and being responsible with it. 

What do you do with your children to help them learn about money? 

How Do You Do It? (Prayer)

I once asked a friend if he prayed.  His answer, "I don't know."  I laughed.  That probably wasn't the proper response, but I asked how you can not know if you pray or not.  When we talked about it more, I found out he wasn't sure because he doesn't drop to his knees and press his hands together.  So he wasn't sure if his thoughts to God counted as prayer. 

In a group I was part of in the past, many people didn't like to pray out loud.  They didn't think they were good at it.  Part of me understood, but part of me also wondered, "Can you really be bad at prayer?"

And, recently, I've found myself pondering what we pray for.  Should we be praying for our hopes, wants, goals?  When should we pray?  Why?  How?

So, I decided to write about it here. Again, let me say I'm not an expert.  But I believe in the power of focusing energies and thinking positively...in the power of prayer.  And these are my thoughts on prayer...

To begin with, I believe that God is everywhere.  I believe the wind blowing the leaves in front of me is God's little hello to me.  I believe a phone call from a friend or a hug from the kids when I need it is a helping hand.  I believe His energy, His spirit is surrounding me and supporting even when I'm not paying attention.  So, my prayers tend to be less formal and more like on-going chats.

I don't think praying requires a specific format.  It's a conversation between me and God.  It can happen any place, any time.  Sometimes that may mean praying with a bible quote in front of my or with music in the background.  Other times that may mean passing thoughts while I dash here and there, ushering the kids around. 

I do think that there can be lackluster prayers and more passionate, focused prayers...like anything in life.  Sometimes I say "I love you" without thinking about it.  Other times, those three words can pack a punch, having been really formed from strong emotion more than habit.  

I pray for many reasons, too.  Perhaps my most frequent prayers are for the health of those involved whenever I hear sirens.  I like to clarify that "health" may mean something different to God right then, than it traditionally means to me.  I don't pray that part every time...I figure God's heard it enough from me, He knows what I mean!  I also pray for my friends and family, that God's watching over them even if they're not looking for Him.  And I pray for myself. 

Recently I've been focusing on saying prayers for God's will, not mine.  This occurred to me because I found myself in a situation that I wasn't sure what I wanted the outcome to be.  I was praying about that...for some clarity...when I realized it doesn't matter so much what I want to have happen.  It's not in my hands. 

Sometimes I pray using words that others have written.  Devotionals, the Our Father, creeds, are all pre-written tools that can be helpful to use, especially when we're stuck or not feeling "into it" at the time.  Often I pray using my words.  I like to say, "Hi!" to God.  I like to thank him for experiences, reminders, little joys.  Those greetings are how many of my prayers start. 

And that, my friends, are my raw thoughts on prayer.  I'd love to hear how/what/why/when you pray??? 

Friday Fill-In #13

1.How do you spend your deployment money, do you save, pay off bills or enjoy the extra money while it is there to buy the things you do not normally have? (from Troop Petrie)



We don't get a bonus or anything during patrols, but I do try to save money while Scott's gone. And if I'm not saving I'm trying to pay things down whilst he's gone so we'll have "extra" money (in that we won't be paying so much each month for other bills) when he's home again.


2.If you could relive one occasion or moment, what would it be? (from Currently On Land)



Good question...and just one? Hmm...our wedding day/night was a good time...or the birth of any one of the kids (maybe not the laboring, just the new baby in my arms)....but if I had to pick just one moment, I think it would be anyone of the times Scott kisses me unexpectedly. You know the little pecks that are a little more than a peck, but not enough to lead to anything. The ones that make you stop washing dishes for a moment and ask, "What was that for?" The only answer you get is a shrug and a smile. Those moments are worth reliving...not too often, not routinely, but with a casual frequency.


3.What’s the worst job you ever had and if it was so bad why did you take it? (from Faith and Deploying)



I don't know that I've had any jobs I would call "worst," but the hardest I ever had was picking apples out of the orchard. That was exhausting and I was so glad when I got hired someplace else after just a few weeks. I was so tired and hot and sore...a job that's certainly not for the faint of heart!


4.If you could play any character on TV, who would you be? (from Many Waters)



I think it would be totally awesome to be on The Amazing Race. But for a character...I think Angela, on Bones.


5.If you could become the world’s expert in something, what would it be? (from Army of Two)



Right now I'd like to be an expert in parenting. I feel like I'm running in circles and the kids just keep running quicker around me! I was thinking recently that a vacation from them where I could regroup and figure out my parenting strategy would be really nice!





So, there you have it...my two cents. Be sure to read everyone else's answers, too!

Friday Fill-In #7

Hello. For those that are regular readers...no you haven't missed Friday Fill-Ins #1-6. I just found this fun blog hosted by a fellow Navy wife and am jumping in on the fun! (OK, I didn't actually find the blog...a friend of my sister did and thought I'd like it. I do!)

So, back to our regularly scheduled post.

Wifey hosts a blog for military spouses. Each Thursday she posts a lists of questions. On Friday she answers them, and so can you! Don't be shy...

1. What is something you wish you'd learned to do earlier in life? Good question. I think gardening is my current answer. The big kicker (and reason anyone who knows my childhood is spitting out their drink right now) is that I had ample opportunity. We lived upstairs and my grandparents lived downstairs. We had acres of land, and several of them were planted with crops and flowers. Grandma could make anything grow. My mother also gardens. I remember her encouraging me to get out there with her...I didn't. I don't know what I was doing, but it wasn't learning to garden. Now I wish I knew more.

2. What is your biggest pet peeve with the military? No regular work hours. I can't plan on Scott being home every night by 7:00. Sometimes he's not even home by 5:00. Other days he's home at 2:00. It's chaotic and makes planning difficult. I can't count on him to be with the kids if I want to make an appointment or take a class. And he can't even tell me on any given day when to expect him that night. Sometimes it leaves me feeling a little off balance.

3. What tourist attraction near you have you never seen? I haven't been up to the gardens in Victoria, BC, or seen anything up there for that matter. With the Olympics being held there last winter there's probably even more to see now!

4. What are you avoiding doing right now? We need to do a little school work (we homeschool). There's not much to do today, though. So if we start late...that's OK. I've actually got 10 minutes until our normal starting time, so I might actually make it!

5. Wine, beer, or liquor? When I'm out at a bar or restaurant, which isn't often, it's likely a mixed drink of some sort. At home...wine coolers or hard lemonades.

There you have it...see you next week! Naturally, you're welcome to stop by anytime, but I'll be back next week for more Friday Fill-Ins!

Dirty Laundry

I feel like I've been doing a lot of laundry lately. I mean what mom doesn't? Right?! I've been looking into the back yard trying to determine where I want to hang my clothes line. I'm pretty excited about hanging laundry on the line. There's something comforting about it. I probably complained about having to do it when I was a kid, but now, as an adult, it holds some sort of romance for me. Like getting in touch with a simpler time. The reality of it likely won't live up to the day dreamed version, but it will still be a nice option for freshening our clothes!

There are other sorts of things I've been thinking about lately too. Last night we ate dinner on the porch in the back of our house. I was ready to throttle Gracie (in the most loving and motherly way, of course) over eating her dinner. I was highly aware of the houses on either side of me, with their back yard porches. I wondered if anyone could hear me. If so, did they care?

For the last three years I've lived a ways from neighbors. I haven't been concerned with anyone hearing me scold my little monsters. And, without a clothes line, I haven't been concerned about hanging my intimates with teen boys next door. Are these things everyone worries about?

And what about letting the kids play at the neighbors? They actually stay outside and watch their kids ride bikes, run amok, and be silly. Maybe it's because I'm not studying or doing yard work (that's what the parents I've met have been doing) but I don't want to sit outside for hours and watch them play. These other parents have said, "You're kids are very well behaved," and "It's fine if they come down. No problem." But how much is too much? We don't have a bounce house or kiddie pool. Most of our outdoor toys are still in a box. Even once we get them out, our yard is bumpy as all get out and the grass is rough. I don't think the kids will want to play here. So, is it OK to let them play down the road for hours every day?

There are so many things to consider, aside from the placement of the wall hangings, when moving to a new neighborhood. No wonder I'm a little tired out! Well, that and the weather. It's almost 90 today. I'm sitting here, typing, and sweating. I got used to me AC in Georgia. Here in Washington we sweat it out! Maybe I'll lose a pound. Hey one can dream, right?

Starting to Feel Like Home

We've almost been in our new digs for a week! Time flies, as they say. And it's not only starting to look lived in but to feel like home too. For example, this morning the kids were in the bathroom together and giggling a lot, so I checked in.

"Hey, what are you guys doing?"

"Farting!"

There ya have it. Apparently they're feeling comfortable in their new surroundings. I'll be making some cookies tomorrow for a BBQ at the neighbors. Nothing makes a house feel more like home than baking.

Tyler's bed got put together today. He was the last holdout...but the hardware was in one of boxes that got emptied today. Don't worry, though, he's been sleeping just fine on his mattress on the floor. He took a four hour nap today before Scott put the frame together!

We've met some of the neighbors and are sticking around here for eating and merry-making tomorrow night. Hopefully everyone enjoys our cookie offering and we'll get off on the right foot with our little neighborhood...because this is home.

Annoyances

Sometimes there are things that frustrate me. For example...
When you and I are waiting across from each other at a red light and we both have our blinkers on to turn left...don't beep at me when you go straight and I've started to turn. Really, don't.

Or...
When you've been parking in between both lanes in the u-shaped driveway of preschool all year, so that no can get past you and I've tolerated it without complaining, don't come in and ask me to move when I've been drawn into a conversation and you can actually get around me because I parked all the way to the right...there's a whole other lane. Do you not know the width of your vehicle?

Things like that. I bet you get bothered too.

There are also things I just don't like. Play dough. I don't know why...it's just not on my list of fun things. Go ahead and cut paper into strips and itty bitty pieces and glue those pieces all over another piece of paper. Have a blast! Color, paint, draw. Be my guest. But please don't want to play with play dough. God only knows why it drives me nuts...but it does! It's an unexplained aversion that I hope doesn't scar my children for life.

There are also little pesky things that I think might drive me bonkers. But with these things, I'm bothered that I'm bothered. The two most recent examples...Gracie and Jace. Well, they aren't the bothers. Ha ha! It's the way the talk. Jace has taken to replacing the first letter of words or only using the first syllable.

"Jace, do you want strawberry or raspberry jam?"
"Straw"

"Jace, can you please pick up all your Nerf darts?
"You want me to pick up the derf darts? The werf warts? The berf barts? (laughs) Sure, I can pick up the ferf farts!"

And Gracie baby talks. She has for years and I've always wondered why. Scott and I are not baby-talk kinds of people. We never talked that way around her...she just started it! But now she's added a high voice to her babble and uses it constantly in her play!

Are you annoyed? I bet you are...I bet just reading this you're irked a little, well, when you're not laughing at me. See, these things are annoying, but really...why am I so bothered?

AAAHHHHHHH!!!!!

It's enough to drive me nuts!

Any sage advice out there? I'll take it...

Driving To and Fro

I'm not sure if I'm mentioned it on here, but I drive a lot. I basically have an hour commute each way to my living room. As a stay at home mom I have put more miles on vehicles than I did going to school or working a "regular" job. Most of the time I'm fine with it, though. After all, I chose to have this commute, twice.

See, the year we moved to Georgia was the year Jace started preschool. I found out before moving that Georgia has free, full-day pre-k and I was thrilled for Jace that he'd get so much academic attention...he was ready! In fact, we'd talked it up as part of the excitement of our cross-country relocation. So, when I found out that we'd missed the lottery for his chance to get into the local program I was bummed and so was he. Then someone told us that some day cares also had the same state sponsored pre-k as well. We found one, the closest one, half an hour away and - almost without hesitation - signed him up!

This year we faced a similar situation with Gracie. We didn't miss the lottery, but I didn't have an actual birth certificate for her...who knew? The day care Jace went to was full, but we got Gracie into a pre-k class at a different day care, also thirty minutes away.

I have felt that both times the decision was a good one. But, it does put me on the road a lot. And I see some crazy things out there. I've seen Superman walking his dog and a dog standing on the top of a truck cab...maybe he thought he was superman. (I know, I shouldn't joke about someone letting a dog ride on his vehicle like that, but...this is Georgia. At least he was going slow...around 20 MPH in a 55 MPH zone!)

Today I didn't see anything too insane as far as costumed pedestrians or anything like that. Maybe because it's unusual to have such a slow day for antics I was especially noticing the expressions of the people all around me. I found myself annoyed at the guy behind me who looked annoyed with me that I was waiting for a break in traffic before turning. I wondered what was going on in the car where the boy in the passenger's seat was looking out the window and the mom (?) driving looked determined to keep her hands on the steering wheel and her eyes facing forward. I felt a little bad for the woman looking left and right, waiting to turn left onto a very busy road at a very busy time of day. I was glad for her, though, that she didn't have anyone staring her down through her back window; she seemed tense enough without that!

While I was creating little stories in my head about the lives of the people I was driving past during my commute today I decided to smile. I'm sure I mostly have a rather relaxed, blank face when I'm going here and there. But today, if anyone was sneaking a peek into my mama taxi van they might wonder a little about me.

I was trying to look calm and content. Did anyone see me? Did I succeed?

Why, Oh Why?

When I'm in the shower it a good time to think. Most of the time I'm by myself, although Tyler occasionally sneaks in if I haven't shut the door securely. Other times he knocks on the door yelling, "Mama! Mama!" But I've really been trying to shower before the kids even get out of bed, for a little peace and quiet.

So, what do I think about? Sometimes heavy issues like what life will be like if the kids and I stay in Georgia after Scott moves to Washington state. Other times I ponder slightly less-weighty things like why the Yellow Trucking Company has it's name written in an orange oval.

This morning I wondered why the word holistic doesn't have a w in it? If it's definition is all-inclusive isn't that like "whole"? Just wondering...

I'm Not Giving Up

I just don't know what else to do. We're six weeks (give or take, we haven't decided a specific date yet) from Scott leaving and heading to Connecticut for school. I'm sure I've mentioned four or five times that we were hoping to know what the plan was, as far as the kids and I moving to Washington or not, before Scott started school. I know there's still time, but I don't feel like that's going to happen.

Like I said, I'm not giving up.

I was talking to mom today and telling her that we're, "Still not sure what's going on, but we're planning...well, we're not really planning anything. We're..."

I didn't know what to say. I felt like I wanted to cry. Mom found the word.

"Waiting."

Waiting on the newest couple who's interested. Waiting on the last couple who was interested. Waiting on the next one too. Waiting.

If

We've all seen the Met Life commercials. We know what a big word "if" can be. Well, it's also a little word, one I'd stopped using it without even realizing.

Recently I was talking to someone about the kids and how darn smart they are. I was telling them about how we're trying to figure out what schools will be best for them when we move to Washington.

"When? As in you're definitely moving? Has something changed?"

Hello, reality.

No, nothing has changed. We still don't know for sure where the kids and I will be next year. I guess at some point I'd stopped saying "if we move" and starting saying "when." Maybe it's the power of positive thinking. Maybe it's just wishful thinking. Either way...nothing has changed. So I'm consciously returning to realistic thinking. If.

After I dropped Jace off at school yesterday morning Gracie asked if she'd be going to that school next year. I told her, "If we don't move to Washington, then yes, you'll be at the same school as Jace. If we do move you'll go to Kindergarten in Washington." If.

Scott has less than six weeks left at work. He'll have some down time here before he leaves for Connecticut. But we'd really like to turn "if" into "when" before he's on the road. The kids get out of school in four months. We'd really like to have "if" be "when" by then.

While we wait, though, we'll plan for if. Where's Lucy and her little lemonade stand when you need her? I have a nickel and could use her expertise!

Six Going On Fifteen

I'm not really sure if Jace is going on fifteen or acting like a normal six year old. I tend to think that most of his behaviors are pretty normal for his age, actually. But I think that only because I don't know any better and am more likely to under react than over react. Even when he acts out and I don't like it, I still figure he's being his age. That little incident we had a few weeks ago (read this is you're not familiar) is one exception. It was very inappropriate and I didn't care if other six-year-olds were acting out similarly...that best never happen again. But it got me thinking.

That's what I do, though...I think. I know enough not to try to have lengthy sit down chats with Jace to get to the bottom of why he's behaving a certain way. He probably doesn't even know. But that doesn't stop me from wanting to know why, and make whatever changes can be made to assure better behavior.

So, I've been pondering this and asking little questions here and there and doing some reading. With all of this and a journal entry Jace brought home on yesterday, I think I may have figured out something.

Jace's reading class has readers that have some blank pages in them for journaling. There's a space to draw a picture to go along with the sentences he writes. Jace's reading teacher had written a note above his work explaining that Jace had been asked to journal independently for two days and she was disappointed in what he'd done. He had drawn a very colorful picture of a bleeding eye. All he'd written on the two pages were the words "blood," pointing to the red dripping from the eye, and "love it or dead."

We talked to Jace and found out that, according to him, it was another boys idea to draw eyes. We reinforced the importance of making good choices for himself and taking responsibility for his own actions. I asked him if he understood why the picture wasn't OK for school. He said, "Because it's not nice." This is true. It's also gruesome, disturbing, unpleasant...but 'not nice' works too.

We had him draw a new picture and write something else to turn into his teacher that would be appropriate, nice. While he was working on it I asked him if it was a nicer story. He answered, "Yeah. It's a 'once upon a time' story." He drew a picture of a pink fairy and wrote three short chapters about her desire to learn to fly. Of course there was a happy ending when she succeeded.

I was satisfied with this, but found it interesting that 'once upon a time' stories about fairies are creative and imaginative. But bloody eyes are not OK. Hmmm....

Last night after he'd written his story and things were back to normal here, Jace was reading one of his library books next to me on the couch. I happened to look over and noticed the word blood written in red ink, looking like the letters were dripping. The book he was reading was from the Geronimo Stilton series that he's been really enjoying. The books were recommended by the librarian when I asked what might be good for him to read that is at a 3rd or 4th grade level. I didn't think to read the books first. There's a cute mouse in reading glasses on the front of each book. But in light of what's gone on at school and seeing the bright red "blood" in his book I asked him if it was a scary book.

"This one is! I'm really enjoying it but I can't believe I'm reading it right before bed!"

"Do you like scary things?"

"Yeah, but I might have crazy dreams tonight."

"Is there anything about bleeding eyes in that book?"

"No, that was my idea." He put the book down and all the excitement went out of his voice. He felt like he was being punished again. My heart strings...

I quickly told him that enjoying scary stories was OK. He knows that Scott and I watch some adult shows that are scary and we enjoy them. But that we know when frightening things are OK and when they're not. School isn't really the place for stories like that. I gave him permission to write them at home, if he wanted, and to let Dada and I read them to help him learn how far is too far.

I hope I'm doing OK and not encouraging him to grow up too quickly. I don't like to hold back his creativity, but it seems as though his higher reading level might be leading him to read things he isn't quite ready to grasp at six years old. Maybe ten-year-olds handle vampire mice better. I read the book today...that's what it's about.

So, forward we go. I'm going to let his reading teacher know what I've discovered this weekend and see if she has any advice. I've been known to say that I'm still a first time mother. It's the truth, and I will be for many years. Every one of Jace's first is a first for me and I really have no idea what I'm doing! Well, I do know this...most days I'm doing my best. That's the goal, right?

Please, please tell me that's the goal.

What're Wits?

"Mama, what're wits?"

Jace posed this question out of the blue earlier tonight. I shook my head to clear the thoughts that were being thought and tried to follow his question. Instead of comprehending right away, though, I countered with the ever brilliant, "What?"

"Wits. What are wits? They're on a mouse."

Um, yeah. That doesn't help. "What?"

"Geronimo Stilton is scared out of his wits. What are his wits?" (Geronimo Stilton is the main mouse in the book series that Jace is currently in love with.)

"Ahh...OK. Well, wits are...well, wits are like smarts. If you are witty then you're clever. If you have your wits about you then you're able to think straight and clearly. If you're scared out of your wits then you can't think straight and clearly. And this applies not just to mice, but to humans as well."

So, how'd I do? Think I had my wits about me when answering Jace's question!?

On Faith Alone

I think I have a decently strong spiritual faith. I believe in God, in the Trinity that God has with Jesus and the Holy Spirit. I believe that He is all powerful. I have faith.

But is faith enough?

That's the question I've been struggling with recently. Feel free to weigh in with your thoughts. God knows I haven't come to any firm conclusions on my own.

I suppose some background information is in order. I was raised Catholic and went to church pretty much every Sunday. We didn't miss many weeks. I went to church school when it was Sunday school and even when it was CCD, and I'm not even sure what that stood for! I even went to a Catholic college, where I was confirmed. For those who aren't Catholic, this is basically becoming an adult in faith. Before confirmation my parents and Godparents were responsible for me faith-wise. By being confirmed I accepted responsibility for my own faith.

Since getting married, Scott and I have discussed going to church many times. We have gone off and on. We're currently off. Scott's upbringing was different from mine. He's most comfortable with going to Catholic mass, but has never felt any guilt over not going. We went for a few months to a church in Washington. I really enjoyed the choir (the music is one of the things I miss most about going to church) but the congregation wasn't overly friendly. Unfortunately Catholics aren't known for their outgoing friendliness. Scott wasn't put off by not being greeted at the door. However, he couldn't handle the very old priest. The poor man started coughing in the middle of his sermons and when he regained his composure he'd forget where he was until someone shouted something out to remind him. That's what did Scott in. We haven't made our way back to church since then.

I've tried different things to become involved, working with a youth group, attending non-denominational Christian services, bible study groups. I enjoy exploring my faith. I enjoy renewing it. I like smiling with God. I just don't like exploring, renewing, and smiling without Scott.

I want him to be part of my faith life. I want it to be our life together, not mine. Our talks about faith leave me feeling like our beliefs are in tune, but putting them into practice...we're not driven to do that in the same way, or we weren't.

What's happened is that I don't miss mass as much. I think of going back to church in very non-faith ways.

"It would be a great way to meet people when we move."

"I do miss the music. Maybe I could join a choir."

"I like the intellectual conversation."

"It would probably be good for the kids..."

But I've found that when I think about going to church I don't think about God. God is in the rest of my life, in my heart. So, is religion necessary? Or can I make it, should I be trying to make it, on faith alone?

Life Immitating Art

Have you ever read a "Choose Your Own Adventure" book? I used to love them when I was younger. Basically, you'd begin reading and after a few pages you'd be faced with a decision - go to page 14 to ask the shopkeeper for help or go to page 43 if you want to keep wandering through the market. I loved skipping between stories and finding new adventures and going back to the beginning if I didn't like the outcome of my first adventure. I didn't realize that my life is a choose your own adventure story all it's own.

A week ago Scott and I had made the decision that he would be moving to Washington on his own and the kids and I would stay here for another year. We were confident that this was the mature and financially responsible thing to do. I wrote about it and sent it out in the Christmas letter. We had accepted it.

But then we turned a page and found out that we could go to some other page if we wanted to try a different adventure. We've spent the last few days looking at other possibilities, some that we've thought of before and some that are new ideas. I feel like I'm wired and exhausted at the same time. I don't know what the best decision is...I'm not even sure what trumps what in the decision making process. There's finances, being together as a family, schools, who knows whatever else.

So, even though the decision had been made...it's back up in the air. What I'd like is for God to clearly point out His plan for us. I have prayed on this and don't know if my desire to be with my husband is clouding my judgment or not. I don't want to miss His guidance or misunderstand it. I was thinking maybe He could put up a bill board with neon arrows pointing at it. Or I could look out the window and see an angel fulfilling duties as a messenger of God, bringing me a personal note saying "stay" or "go." I mean, I'm not asking for a burning bush or anything...just clarity.

So, if you're the praying kind...say a little prayer for us. If you're not, keep us in your thoughts. None of it can hurt and we can certainly use all the help we can. A year ago we started with Plan A for this whole relocating thing. I think we've gone through the alphabet and are back at the beginning, with subheadings and bullets.

By this time next year we should know what's going on. I'll keep you posted!

Thursday Thoughts

Jace: Why do we have underwear, anyway?

Gracie: You can totally hear the p in computer. My name starts with G like Georgia. K is for kiss, Keyontae and Kate. (A little mama's note for full comprehension...Kate is Uncle Jared's girl friend and Gracie adores her. Keyontae is a boy in Gracie's class. She just learned his name last week, though. For the first few weeks she referred to him as "the boy who loves me so much.")

Me: If I get up half an hour early to work out and follow that with a cup of hot chai or hot chocolate is it worth it? What's more important...sleep or exercise?

maybe she'll be a reporter

My mother was in a car accident on Monday. It's now Friday. She's doing OK, but she was in the Intensive Care Unit for three days. She's in a trauma unit now, but I didn't get to talk to her until today. She's ready to find out what needs to be done to get out of there and into a real room. Go mom!

To make this week even more exhausting, Scott was working some insane hours. I barely saw him, and when I did it was as he slipped in or out of bed in the middle of the night. So, not feeling at my best I didn't tell the kids about Grandma's accident until today. I figured they might be scared for Grandma so I didn't want to make that worse by breaking into tears in front of them.

Today on the way home from school, I gave the kids a few details, "Grandma was in a car accident and has to stay in the hospital for a few days, but she's feeling better than a couple days ago. I thought you could draw her pictures and we'd send her a note. How's that sound?"

"That's a great idea, Mama, " Jace answered.

Gracie was quiet for a second, but just a second. Then she started with question after question.

"How did she get in an accident?"

"Why didn't she stop at the stop sign?"

"Did her van roll over?"

"Was Grandpa with her?"

"What did she hurt?"

"How do you break your arm?"

"Did her skin stay on?"

"Are the doctors going to fix her arm?"

"Did she break her ring?"

"Does she need crutches?"

"How does she go potty?"

"How does she eat?"

"Does she like cookies?"

"What is she wearing at the hospital?"

"Does she have to leave the hospital dress there when she leaves?"

"How will she get dressed in her own clothes?

"How will she get home?"

"Will Grandpa drive his truck or her van?"

"Will she get a new van?"

"I like her van. I hope she gets a new van. Can we talk to her soon so I can tell her I love her and ask her if she broke her ring?"

Wow! What a barrage of questions. Great questions. Now I don't want this to come out the wrong way...but I was really impressed. Jace has always been curious and eager to learn about anything and everything. The kid is six years old and has a list of sciences he'd like to explore further over the next few years before he decides which he'd like to pursue as a career. Seriously, I expected questions from him.

But, Gracie? She's our four-year-old social butterfly, concerned with long hair and pretty skirts above all else. Yet she asked and asked until she, and everyone else, was satisfied.

I did sneak a peek into the back seat once and saw that Jace had a huge grin on his face. Apparently he was proud of his sister too.