Bad Hair Day

Yesterday morning when I looked in the mirror I realized I was having a bad hair day - with my eye brows!

"What!" you exclaim?  I know.  I had a similar reaction. 

My Back Itches

Don't you hate when you've got an itch in between your shoulder blades and you can't get it?  Don't you love when you're honey notices you squirming and asks, "Can I help you with something?"

Do you get frustrated when the recycling is piling up and the garbage is overflowing and you notice it but are just so busy with life that you don't take it out?  Don't you love when you've finally finished everything else and you're just about to flop down on the couch for the night and you remember them and head to the kitchen only to see they've been taken out by your love?

Doesn't it drive you up a wall when you're washing a quick load of dishes while stirring dinner on the stove and one of your kids comes up behind you whining, "Mama...can you (fill in the blank)?"  And don't you love it when you're gritting your teeth before growling, "What?" at that innocent babe and you hear, "Come here.  Let Dada help you," from the other room?

Taboos

What don't you talk about? 

Everyone has things that are uncomfortable to have a conversation about.  Sex, politics, and religion seem to be big ticket items that we shouldn't discuss in polite company, right? 

WHAT?

Perhaps we haven't properly met.  I don't do taboos.  Don't get me wrong, I don't air all my laundry everywhere.  But I do think everything can be talked about, and most of it probably should be discussed in polite company.  After all, if you can't talk about your opinions and values nicely, you probably don't need to be talking about them at all.  I know, I know...people are often passionate about these topics, and that's fine.  But you can be passionate and respectful.  They're not mutually exclusive. 

It IS Worth It

I just read this:  Domestic Diva's Vision for 2011.  I recommend it.  It was a wonderful read and a great reminder that the role of mother (or father for that matter) IS worth all that it takes out of us.

I'm one of those parents that needs to be reminded sometimes, actually frequently, that I'm actually doing something!  Luckily I am reminded often and in many ways. 

The other night when I tucked Jace into bed he asked if I noticed that he tells me he loves me every night.  Of course I do!  It's one of those things that makes my world seem right.  And he's constantly looking for his opportunity to cuddle mama.  Even when I feel like I've been rubbed raw with his annoyances all day long, that fact is not lost on me.

I've heard many times over the years how well behaved our children are.  Hearing that has always helped me realize that I am doing something for them.  By being home with them I am making a difference in their lives. 

When the kids laugh or giggle, that joy in their eyes erases any doubt that I might have about being a stay at home mother. 

It is easy to lose site of the meaning of our work, as stay-at-home mothers, amidst the chaos of daily life...laundry, dishes, diapers.  But it's just as easy to see the reminders everywhere.  You just have to chose what to look for.  Consider yourself reminded!  It is worth it!

Sizing Things Up

Tyler is three years old!  I can't believe it's been three years already.  It seems like not that long ago that he was keeping me up at night, nursing and cuddling.  Well, not everything changes...he still cuddles with me every chance he gets.

So, we went to the doctor today for his check up.  I'm going to fill out some paperwork and contact the school district to see about getting an IEP and an evaluation for speech.  Other than that, though, everything looks good!  He's a healthy and happy little guy.  Well, the doctor didn't know he was happy because he cried and fought the whole time we were there - cheered up as soon as he got to put his jacket back on!

I don't know about you, but I always enjoy looking at how much my kids have grown over the year since their last check up and comparing their heights and weights to each other.  Tyler's stats are always entertaining. 

Here are pictures of Jace and Gracie when they were two years old. 

 "Why two?" you ask, since I'm telling you about Tyler's three year old check up.

Well, both Jace and Gracie were taller and heavier at two years old than Tyler is at three!

Tyler was the biggest at birth (9 lbs 8 ozs, compared to Jace's 7 lbs 12 ozs and Gracie's 8 lbs 11 ozs) but the littlest ever since.  And he's has always had very short legs compared to his very long torso.  As an example he's just getting into 2T pants but has been in 4T shirts for several months. 

Tyler: at 2 years old - 23 pounds 8 ounces, 33 inches

at 3 years old - 30 pounds, 37 inches 

Gracie: at 2 years old - 32 pounds, 32 3/4 inches

at 3 years old - 35 pounds, 41.5 inches

(Yes, you read that right...Gracie grew 9 inches in one year!)

Jace: at 2 years old - 31 pounds, 35 inches

at 3 years old - ??

at 4 years old - 41 pounds 12 ounces, 42 inches

(See?  Even the first born gets forgotten once in a while!)

So, there's the latest measurements on Tyler and how he compares with his Amazon siblings! 

"Why Can't You Be More Like Her?"

I'm pretty sure that anyone who is a parent feels inadequate to be one, at least at times.  (If I'm alone in this...don't tell me.  Please!)  For me, my eldest doesn't help my insecurities. 

Sometimes he tries to encourage me and leaves me feeling less than encouraged, but laughing.  The first time I cut his hair at home with the trimmers was a perfect example of this.  I got all done and turned him to face the mirror. 

"How'd I do?" I asked. 
"Don't worry, Mama.  You'll get better," was his answer. 

Other times he doesn't even try to encourage me.  I have no idea why (other than the fact that I really can't park the car well) but he frequently comments on my driving ability.  He once saw a guy back over a curb and remarked, "Wow!  He's even worse than Mama!"  Like that's so unbelievable!  Geesh!

Today, he neither tried to put me down or gave me a left handed compliment.  He simply made an observation.  We were in the van playing cards while Tyler slept in the back seat and Gracie was at her gymnastics lesson.  The van next to us had another homeschooling family in it, friends of ours.  Jace's friend was sitting in the passenger seat of their van working on some worksheets.  His mother sat in the driver's seat doing something of her own, but occasionally helping him out.  At one point, Jace asked, "Why can't you be more like her?"

I asked how he meant and he said that I never help him with his work.  I decided that since neither of us was running into another room away from this conversation I'd let it ride...it was kind of nice to have the freedom to play a few turns before answering him.  When I did I pointed out that I do help him when he needs it, but that Gracie needs a lot more one-on-one attention at her age.  "Yeah, but you never tell me the answers."  Golly...well, that's totally unfair of me!

I assured him that his friend was also NOT being given the answers, but only help.  And we took a few more turns.  "But, you could do more with me.  I don't get to spend much time with you."

Can I tell you how much I just wanted to grab him up in my arms and hold him close forever?  How thankful I was that he just kept playing his cards and didn't see the tears well up in my eyes?  I wouldn't want to embarrass him and ruin the moment. 

I took a deep breath and smiled to myself.  After I played my turn I asked him if he'd like to do more with just me. 

"Uh...yeah."  Read that as, "Duh, Mama."

So, we're going to do more together.  I'm not sure when or how, yet.  But we will.  How can I resist?  And why would I want to?  I can't and I don't.  As much as that little boy drives me nuts...I love him.  I do. 

Noticing the Differences

In case this is your first visit here to my little blog home...we have three mostly wonderful kids. 



Halloween 2008


Jace
Our first born is definitely our most serious.  He loves learning, reading, watching TV, and being outside.  This summer he and Scott have done a lot of hiking.  Jace has a great sense of humor.  I feel like it's pretty sophisticated, but it might just be that my sense of humor isn't! 

Jace's current interests are karate, inventions, and learning cursive.  We just started cursive writing today, although he's been asking for weeks.  You've never seen a kid more excited!  He practiced the letters of his name, separately and together, for almost half an hour! 

Gracie

A bundle of unbridled energy!  She just has to jump, skip, laugh loudly, and (whenever possible) have her feet above her head!  She loves gymnastics, fashion, hair, jewelry, and all things girly!  She likes practicing writing and works hard to color in the lines...with every color she can find!

Every chance we get, Gracie likes to go places with me, without her brothers.  It doesn't matter where we go or what we do...she likes our "girl time!"  Gracie is reading more and more and enjoys homeschooling a great deal.  

Tyler

Our little guy is quite the monkey.  He's missing the tail and not covered in fur, but otherwise...totally monkey!  He likes to climb over anything.  Scott and I think it's more about the most direct route than climbing, but over the couch he goes!  He's mischievous like any little brother should be.  As a mother I probably shouldn't laugh, but it's quite funny when he goes up to Gracie and says, "Ha! Ha!" just to get her going!  

Tyler likes include vehicles.  That's pretty much it!  He likes trains, planes, cars, trucks, 4-wheelers, garbage trucks, firetrucks, police cars, motorcycles, construction vehicles...I'm sure I missed something, there are so many ways to get from here to there.  He also enjoys helping in the kitchen and cuddling with Mama! 

That's it...the kids in a nutshell.  It fascinates me to watch them grow and see where their interests are taking them.  There are certainly some things I don't enjoy...the apparent need to pick at each other, yelling or crying when someone touches someone else's toys, general obnoxiousness!  Mostly, though, they're quite fun. 

Staying home with them, and now teaching them, there are so many subtle things I've noticed about how they're unique.  It's a special gift, I think. 

The observation that prompted this whole post happened during math today.  Last week Jace was doing a review lesson that involved coloring half of an object.  He quickly shaded in half of everything with the side of his pencil.  Gracie's lesson today included the same task.  She got out her box of crayons and picked the colors she wanted for each item.  On the donut she colored the cake, frosting, and sprinkle halves each a different color.  She colored half the watermelon complete with red stripes on green background.  It hit me how different she and Jace are sometimes!  I can't wait to see how Tyler colors his lessons when he's learning fractions in a few years.

How Do You Do It: Parenting - Do We Need a Change?

Scott and I get asked a lot how we would handle a specific situation with our kids.  How we get them to go to bed.  How we get them to listen.  All sorts of questions that imply we're good parents.  I'm always a bit baffled that others see us as such great parenting role models.  I certainly don't feel like the best mom, at least not all the time.  But, on the other hand, I also feel like our kids are reasonably great kids.  There's a decent chance that Scott and I had something to do with that, I guess.  Right?  (Don't I sound confident?)

So, maybe we do have something to offer about how to parent.  But maybe not.  I guess it's up to you to decide. 

Scott and I are talkers and planners.  I think this helps as parents.  We can take any one subject and analyze it from every which way until we end up with a plan of attack that we think is a good start.  We usually have a Plan B, just in case.  When we learned we were going to have a baby we discussed how we'd do x, y, and z.  I think we felt pretty confident in our strategies and, like I said, haven't done too badly.  However, there's always room for improvement.  Always.

We've been known to let our kids cry it out, even when I didn't feel totally OK with this, but didn't know what else to do.  Scott's famous (really...it was on the radio!) for his two rules about crying:

1. Stand up when you cry.
2. Only one at a time.

We also have shared this little gem more than once, "Children are like terrorists and we do not negotiate with terrorists."

Now some of you might be reading this thinking we're right on.  Others might be hoping our kids make it to adulthood without any serious emotional scars.  I have to admit I stand someplace in the middle at this point.

As you know, I've been working on creating a more primal life for our family.  I was first inspired to revamp our food choices and strategies for being active.  Over the last several months I've begun reading some other blogs and articles that have me wondering about many other areas of our lives...including our parenting plan.  I read an article on parenting in Hunter-Gatherer societies and really began thinking about how we parent.  Was it time for some improvements?

The article mentioned a book by Alfie Kohn, Unconditional Parenting: Moving From Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason.  I decided to read it and see what improvements I could make.  How can I be an even better mom?

Well, I've read some of it.  I read the first few chapters and found myself wondering, "So, what do I do?"  Kohn seemed to have some pretty good reasons why my current strategy of parenting was more about control than helping my children become well-rounded and responsible adults.  I found myself agreeing with him that it does seem a bit childish to punish kids for not doing something by taking something else away.  The tit-for-tat auto response I seemed to have never felt quite right for me, but I didn't know what else to do.  And Kohn wasn't much help in the beginning of his book. 

So, I skipped several chapters.  I jumped right to the middle of the book and the principles of unconditional parenting.  First of all, the main focus of unconditional parenting is that our children feel loved unconditionally.  And it's about what they feel not what I think I'm portraying.  I know, I know...it sounds tricky, doesn't it. 

"When you come right down to it, the whole process of raising a kid is pretty damned inconvenient, particularly if you want to do it well.  If you're unwilling to give up any of your free time, if you want your house to stay quiet and clean, you might consider raising tropical fish instead."

That's probably my favorite quote from the whole book, at least the whole of what I read!  And I'm so glad Kohn sees that he's asking a lot from us as parents.  He also shares times that he struggles to live up to the standards he's set for himself.  I always feel better when others struggle like I do and when they want to struggle and be the best they can for their kids, like I do too.

So, it's not easy.  There's no special formula.  But do what you can to ensure your kids feel loved as often as possible. 

But, how do I do that?

Kohn suggests not rewarding for good behavior or punishing for poor behavior.  What?  That's what I said.  He wonders how our relationships would improve with our children is we stopped assuming they were testing limits, acting with malicious intent, trying to push our buttons and started asking why they're acting the way they are.  And what if we approached situations as problems to be solved rather than behavior to be punished or corrected?

He asks us to determine our long term goal as parents, and keep them in mind.  Sometime we need to stop the behavior immediately (running into traffic) but other times we just want the behavior to end (fighting over chores).  When the immediate ceasing of the behavior isn't necessary, what if we looked at the "problem" with our long term goal of creating responsible adults in mind.  And what if we gave our children enough respect so they could be part of the solution.

Just the other day I wanted Jace to do his math work and he wasn't.  He was digging his heels in and wanted to stand on his chair and all sorts of other things.  Initially I thought that he was simply testing me to see how far he could go.  I'd been reading Kohn's book, though, and decided to ask more and talk less, and see if the two of us together could reach a solution.  I first gave him the option of sitting in his chair or standing on the floor, letting him know either would be fine with me.  He (of course) asked if he could sit on the floor.  I didn't give an immediate "NO" without even thinking, which I'm quite guilty of doing.  Instead, I thought for a second and responded, "Not yet.  I'm helping Gracie too.  But if you'll sit in your chair or stand on the floor while I explain what you need to do, then you can sit on the floor with your lap desk to complete the assignment."  And that's what he did.  In fact, he sat on the floor and did three lessons instead of one!

So, maybe Kohn's on to something.  I'm not completely sold that I don't need to have a little control, but I do agree that controlling the kids should not be my goal and that if it appears to them that I'm not loving them then I'm not being the mom I want to be.

All in all, I don't know if I was any help to you!  But, if you're curious to learn more, go find the book yourself and give it a go!  Let me know what you learn.  As for my reading of it...I have to take it back to the library.  Someone else has a hold on it.  But I'm putting a hold on it again so I can get it back out and read more and again!

One note I'd like to make about parenting...Do your best to squash the guilt.  Even though I'm considering the very real possibility that the way I've been parenting for the last seven years has not been ideal, I'm not going to waste time beating myself up over it.  Do your best to live in the present and do your best now...and love them!  That's what it's all about in the end anyway.  Love them.

Parsnips and Patience

You know how sometimes everything clicks. You hit every green light through town. Your kids said please, and weren't not whining when they did. They said thank you too, and you didn't have to remind them. Dinner didn't burn and everyone ate it.

Well, today wasn't one of them. It started out well, but after lunch things headed South. I tried to take a little nap while Tyler was doing the same. Jace and Gracie ended both our naps before long. In fact, I hadn't even fallen asleep yet. I cuddled with Tyler for a while, hoping he'd go back to sleep. But after a short time he decided to get up and play. The three of them quickly confirmed what I already sensed...I wasn't getting my nap.

I did boot them outside and watch a very strange movie this afternoon. So, that was nice. But then there was dinner. I tried something new. It didn't pass with flying colors. I'm not even sure it passed. The shrimp and scallops both got overcooked. The parsnips and carrots were flavorless. Ug. Scott, in his ever encouraging way, did let me know that the peas turned out really good!

Aside from all of that...there's Jace and Gracie's little attitudes. Jace has had a lot more downs than ups since turning seven. He's been rude and aggressive. I don't like it much at all. And when he's not getting scolded for that he's breaking into tears over something. Who knew boys were so emotional? (If you're saying, "I did," why didn't you tell me?) And since getting to WA he's had a few mishaps of the #2 variety...again. He'd been doing really well. (If you're not aware of his past issues, Jace and I dealt with "accidents" for over a year. We'd finally come out the other end of the issue, if you'll excuse the play on words, and I was cautiously happy.) Both times he's had problems he's been down at the neighbors playing and, apparently, unwilling to come up and use the toilet here or ask to use one there. If I remind him to try before he goes he usually does. However, if I don't remind him he doesn't do it on his own and today he had another "accident." I put it in quotes because I really feel like he's being lazy and not having accidents at all. That might just be my tired bitterness talking.

Anyway, after today he's not going to be allowed to play at the neighbors for a week. Gracie can't go down for at least tomorrow. She's grown her own little 'tude. She thinks it's perfectly acceptable to tell me what she's going to do, and not ask. After she's been playing with the kids down the street this little problem often becomes a big problem. So, she'll be staying home tomorrow too. Hopefully they can both remember how they should be acting. We know they know how to be good children. I just want to see it again. The proof is in the pudding.

Speaking of pudding...doesn't that sound good? And it would have fit in perfectly with patience and parsnips in my post title! Oh, well. I'll consider it an opportunity missed. Where'd that saying come from anyway?

Well, back to the parsnips. I'm convinced they should be part of our diet, so if you have a home run recipe for parsnips...please share!

Thanks for listening, or reading as the case may be. Here's to Monday...may it go better than today.

Because I Can

A few weeks ago I realized that I carry Tyler from the van to the store quite a bit. I didn't remember doing that with the other two. After I thought about it a little, I realized that that's because I didn't! Jace was 2 years and 2 weeks when his little sister was born.

And Gracie was 2 1/2 years old when Tyler came along.

Anyone who's been pregnant, or watched a pregnant woman waddle, knows that those last few months of incubation aren't the best for carrying around 20 pounds of wiggling toddler. Scott and I have raised pretty independent children, anyhow. Between their do-it-myself attitude and my inability to even tie my shoes...I'm sure both Jace and Gracie were walking through the parking lot and into the store on their own (well, next to me, holding my hand) by the time they were two.

I was sharing this realization with a friend and she commented that I probably just baby Tyler more because he's my baby...and always will be. He is the youngest, that's true. But I don't think I baby him more. I think I cuddle him more at this age, because I can...physically. But I cuddle all my kids whenever they let me. And if holding them close is babying them...well, then, I baby them all.

Jace still enjoys his cuddle time with me and if he goes a few days without it he'll remind me that he needs a turn on the couch with me. I even mentioned to him one time that some day he would think he was too big to cuddle with me. The disbelieving look on his face was priceless. "Ut-uh. I'll always cuddle with you." I told him I'd remind him of that some day.

So, call it what you may...but I'm going to love my monkeys with hugs, kisses, and cuddles for as long as they'll let me. Because I can.

Out Of My League

(Mama) "You should really try to eat more veggies."

(Gracie) "I eat carrots! And avocados...those are good for you, right?"

"Well, yes, but there are a lot of foods that are healthier and will help you grow bigger and stronger."

(Gracie and her friend Madeline who is only 2 months younger.)

"But you tell everyone that I'm already tall. And I'm strong. Look at my muscles. (Shows me those almost-5-year-old guns.) And I'm flexible. Today I practiced stretching and I could reach past one ball to where the other ball was. That's how stretchy I am! And I can put my leg behind my head. Plus I had peaches and potatoes for lunch."

"Did you eat them?" (I know that Scott is rolling his eyes and shaking his head that Gracie was putting her leg behind her head at preschool, but I chose to ignore that in hopes that it would go away and stay focused on the battle at hand.)

"I tried the potatoes, but I didn't like them."

"So, you haven't actually eaten any veggies today?"

"No, but I'm already big and strong."

"True, but eating veggies will not only help you get even bigger and stronger, but will also help your brain grow and think well."

Jace pipes in. "I don't eat all my veggies and I already have a big brain. And it's going to stop growing* next month anyway. So it can't get any bigger. And I think pretty big already, don't you think so, Mama?"

(Jace in an outfit fit to protect him against any flying things while he plays outside.)

"Well...yes." And I took a bit of my veggies.

*I thought I'd written about this already and was going to link you to that post for explanation, but now I can't find it! So, I'll explain here. Jace learned in his book about the human brain (because every 1st grader should have one of those!) that the brain reaches full size at age seven, which is how old he turns next month. When he first read this he was very concerned, until I assured him that he would still be able to learn plenty, but that the size of his brain wouldn't get larger...he'd just have more stuff written on the pages of the notebook kept in there. I didn't actually use the notebook thing...he wouldn't have fallen for it anyway! I'm out of my league!

Annoyances

Sometimes there are things that frustrate me. For example...
When you and I are waiting across from each other at a red light and we both have our blinkers on to turn left...don't beep at me when you go straight and I've started to turn. Really, don't.

Or...
When you've been parking in between both lanes in the u-shaped driveway of preschool all year, so that no can get past you and I've tolerated it without complaining, don't come in and ask me to move when I've been drawn into a conversation and you can actually get around me because I parked all the way to the right...there's a whole other lane. Do you not know the width of your vehicle?

Things like that. I bet you get bothered too.

There are also things I just don't like. Play dough. I don't know why...it's just not on my list of fun things. Go ahead and cut paper into strips and itty bitty pieces and glue those pieces all over another piece of paper. Have a blast! Color, paint, draw. Be my guest. But please don't want to play with play dough. God only knows why it drives me nuts...but it does! It's an unexplained aversion that I hope doesn't scar my children for life.

There are also little pesky things that I think might drive me bonkers. But with these things, I'm bothered that I'm bothered. The two most recent examples...Gracie and Jace. Well, they aren't the bothers. Ha ha! It's the way the talk. Jace has taken to replacing the first letter of words or only using the first syllable.

"Jace, do you want strawberry or raspberry jam?"
"Straw"

"Jace, can you please pick up all your Nerf darts?
"You want me to pick up the derf darts? The werf warts? The berf barts? (laughs) Sure, I can pick up the ferf farts!"

And Gracie baby talks. She has for years and I've always wondered why. Scott and I are not baby-talk kinds of people. We never talked that way around her...she just started it! But now she's added a high voice to her babble and uses it constantly in her play!

Are you annoyed? I bet you are...I bet just reading this you're irked a little, well, when you're not laughing at me. See, these things are annoying, but really...why am I so bothered?

AAAHHHHHHH!!!!!

It's enough to drive me nuts!

Any sage advice out there? I'll take it...

Learn Something New Every Day

I think we should always try to learn something new every day, don't you? Well today I learned several things...so if you haven't feel free to borrow one of mine!

1. "People should never eat anything off of knives or swords." Gracie
2. They can tighten the wheels on roller skates so that they turn slower. Good thing too. It's hard work trying to keep a 50-something pound almost 7 year old standing on wheels that turn fast! Jace did great once we slowed him down. (He went roller skating for the first time at a friend's birthday party today. He was the only little boy there, too...he knows how to work it, doesn't he!)
3. Hormonal changes during a woman's menstrual cycle can also effect her bowel movements. That's all I'll say about that...but if you're intrigued go ahead and google it!
4. Tyler's not big enough to sit on the bench and lean back against the table like everyone else...fell and smacked the back of his head. Ouch! That boy is never going to be able to shave his head.
5. As soon as you say "you can't use the water" everyone has to go pee "really bad."
6. "Eating and drinking are alike except with drinking you don't use your teeth and with eating you have to chew. But with both you swallow and then it goes through your body then makes potty." Gracie (Is it just me or does "goes though your body then makes potty" sound like a great bumper sticker or something?)
7. Navy Seals are between 17 and 35 years old. Jace shared this with me. He learned it in a book that he just read about Seals. He thought maybe Dada would want the information in case he wanted to try being a Seal for the next couple of years.

That's all I can think of off the top of my head...but there's still six minutes until bedtime. I'm sure they'll teach me something else between now and then!

Four Year Olds Don't Gargle

It's allergy season here in Georgia. A few days ago Scott had a sore throat and no other symptoms. We figured it was due to all the pollen in the air. He gargled with warm salt water and that helped him quite a bit. He also took Nyquil to sleep and something over the counter during the day to continue easing the soreness of his throat.

Yesterday, when we picked Gracie up from school she'd been complaining of a sore throat, made worse by "singing the whole song, so I just sang half the song. My teachers knew I wanted to sing but that it made my throat hurt." Such a strong little girl. When she got home she asked what Dada had used for his sore throat. Strong and smart. However, we couldn't very well drug her up. And spitting the toothpaste out is still a bit tricky, so I don't think I'll be getting her to gargle anytime soon.

What we did do for her is this: I read her lots of stories last night. I figured if I was reading she wasn't talking (as much) and her poor little throat could rest. She got plenty to drink and I even warmed some honey and stirred it in a few glasses to help soothe her throat. This morning before school I did give her some children's allergy medication and clear instructions to try not to talk too much today. We'll see how that goes.

If her throat keeps hurting we'll have some cool, easy to swallow pudding later tonight. Or maybe just chocolate milk. Special treats are always nice when little ones aren't feeling up to par.

Do you have any special tricks to ease the discomfort your little ones go through with allergies, colds, growing pains?

Catching Lightning In a Jar

Do you remember chasing lightning bugs when you were little? Trying to cup the little bright flying bugs in your hands and then store them in a glass jar that you'd prepared with holes poked through the metal screw on top? And later, when mom and dad yelled out that it was time to come in for the night, you'd open the jar and let them all go out into the night?

Well, Jace is up to something...something less youthful and joyful. He's building a girl trapping machine.

Every day he comes home from school and tells me about his "team's" progress in trapping girls. It started with just chasing them, but those pesky girls kept getting away. After that Jace wore sand colored camo shirts (he has two, one with a firetruck on the front) so that he could blend with the sand on the playground and jump out to get them. (Of course, he'd lay on his stomach to cover the firetruck.) He even started tucking his shirts in so that he wouldn't get sand in his clothes.

When that didn't work they started planning some sort of machine. He wanted straws so they could bury themselves in the sand and still breath fresh air. He wanted rubber bands for some reason too, but I never clearly understood that. They were going to tie purple bows to the straws so the girls would see them and be intrigued.

"They'll be like, 'Oh, how pretty,' and come over to see them and we'll grab them!" he excitedly explained to me.

"What are you going to do with them once you catch them?"

"Hmmmm. I don't know. I'll call a meeting of my team to talk about it." That was a few days ago. I asked again yesterday and he said they'd decided to tie them to poles. Oh goodness.

And on Tuesday he was pretty bummed because it was raining in the morning. I asked why he was so upset about the rain and he explained how they wouldn't be able to go outside at school and then they'd be behind in the goal they'd set for themselves with the number of girls they wanted to catch. I considered teaching him the word 'quota' but decided against it.

What ever happened to lightning bugs? Seriously!?

Young Love

This weekend we finished homemade Valentine's Day cards. I am not known for my craftiness, but somehow Gracie got in her head that she wanted to make her own cards. After Jace saw her put together a few he decided he wanted to make his too.

We didn't do anything Martha Stuart would take notice of, but the kids had fun. And that's the key for me. Basically I bought a bunch of stickers and had some card stock that Mary had given me years ago, like before we moved to Georgia-years ago. That means at least three years, but I'm glad I still had it. Saved money on having to buy more. Although we probably would have just used construction paper because we have a ton of that too, that also made the move with us from Washington. A friend there was cleaning out closets and gave me a stack at least a foot high...it's taking the kids a while to go through it! They did use some for their cards. They cut out hearts to go along with their stickers and any coloring or writing they felt inspired to do.

Gracie had me write "Happy Valentine's Day!" on each card. She signed her name and we took turns writing the names of her classmates. Originally I gave Jace a little more freedom, telling him he could just write "Happy Valentine's Day" or he could add a note inside if he wanted to. He had carefully organized himself to be sure he had enough blue and yellow hearts for the boys' cards and pink and purple hearts for the girls' cards, except for one special card. I'll tell you more about that in a minute.

So, after finishing a few cards he realized that he hadn't put a heart on one of the girls' cards. We went back through to find the heartless card. I found it. On the front it declared "You're a lucky African" and inside he'd written "Happy Valentine's Day, Jace." I was stunned. What the heck did that mean!? So I asked him. There are two children in Jace's class, Briana and Nicholas, that he constantly points out are African American. He's convinced that the Nicholas is actually from Africa, which he may be. I haven't met him. But, more likely, I think, he's born and raised here in Georgia. Jace doesn't buy it. He's always telling me that Nicholas will probably eat this or that because, in his mind, it's African food. (Jace has lot of theories about how our heritage defines us. Here you can learn about Indians, Native Americans or Native Indians I'm not certain.)

So I asked him what the card meant.

"She's lucky I'm giving her a card."

"Because she's African?"

"No, because she's mean."

"Does her being mean have anything to do with her being African?"

"No. She just doesn't like me."

"OK, then. First of all, we don't need to constantly point out people's ancestry, especially when it really has nothing to do with your point that she's mean. Secondly, this is a Valentine's Day card, which should be nice, even if Briana isn't nice to you. And if you don't have anything nice to say, simply write 'Happy Valentine's Day!' and sign your name."

"OK."

I don't remember if he shrugged, but I'm sure he did. Glad we talked about that.

Jace made Briana a new card, including her heart, not mentioning how lucky she is to get a card at all. Then he worked on the rest of his class's cards. He even made one very special card for Meredith, who's not in his class, but is his first little crush. Her card was adorned with a red heart, the only one he gave out. And he wrote her message in pink marker, instead of the joyful black he used for everyone else. Rather than sealing the envelope with a smiley face or dinosaur sticker like all the rest, Meredith's is closed with eight sparkling heart stickers.

What a holiday...turmoil over giving cards to those who don't like us and anticipation of giving cards to those we adore.

I can't believe how many more years I'm going to have to deal with this! Er, I mean...uh...isn't young love precious?

Six Going On Fifteen

I'm not really sure if Jace is going on fifteen or acting like a normal six year old. I tend to think that most of his behaviors are pretty normal for his age, actually. But I think that only because I don't know any better and am more likely to under react than over react. Even when he acts out and I don't like it, I still figure he's being his age. That little incident we had a few weeks ago (read this is you're not familiar) is one exception. It was very inappropriate and I didn't care if other six-year-olds were acting out similarly...that best never happen again. But it got me thinking.

That's what I do, though...I think. I know enough not to try to have lengthy sit down chats with Jace to get to the bottom of why he's behaving a certain way. He probably doesn't even know. But that doesn't stop me from wanting to know why, and make whatever changes can be made to assure better behavior.

So, I've been pondering this and asking little questions here and there and doing some reading. With all of this and a journal entry Jace brought home on yesterday, I think I may have figured out something.

Jace's reading class has readers that have some blank pages in them for journaling. There's a space to draw a picture to go along with the sentences he writes. Jace's reading teacher had written a note above his work explaining that Jace had been asked to journal independently for two days and she was disappointed in what he'd done. He had drawn a very colorful picture of a bleeding eye. All he'd written on the two pages were the words "blood," pointing to the red dripping from the eye, and "love it or dead."

We talked to Jace and found out that, according to him, it was another boys idea to draw eyes. We reinforced the importance of making good choices for himself and taking responsibility for his own actions. I asked him if he understood why the picture wasn't OK for school. He said, "Because it's not nice." This is true. It's also gruesome, disturbing, unpleasant...but 'not nice' works too.

We had him draw a new picture and write something else to turn into his teacher that would be appropriate, nice. While he was working on it I asked him if it was a nicer story. He answered, "Yeah. It's a 'once upon a time' story." He drew a picture of a pink fairy and wrote three short chapters about her desire to learn to fly. Of course there was a happy ending when she succeeded.

I was satisfied with this, but found it interesting that 'once upon a time' stories about fairies are creative and imaginative. But bloody eyes are not OK. Hmmm....

Last night after he'd written his story and things were back to normal here, Jace was reading one of his library books next to me on the couch. I happened to look over and noticed the word blood written in red ink, looking like the letters were dripping. The book he was reading was from the Geronimo Stilton series that he's been really enjoying. The books were recommended by the librarian when I asked what might be good for him to read that is at a 3rd or 4th grade level. I didn't think to read the books first. There's a cute mouse in reading glasses on the front of each book. But in light of what's gone on at school and seeing the bright red "blood" in his book I asked him if it was a scary book.

"This one is! I'm really enjoying it but I can't believe I'm reading it right before bed!"

"Do you like scary things?"

"Yeah, but I might have crazy dreams tonight."

"Is there anything about bleeding eyes in that book?"

"No, that was my idea." He put the book down and all the excitement went out of his voice. He felt like he was being punished again. My heart strings...

I quickly told him that enjoying scary stories was OK. He knows that Scott and I watch some adult shows that are scary and we enjoy them. But that we know when frightening things are OK and when they're not. School isn't really the place for stories like that. I gave him permission to write them at home, if he wanted, and to let Dada and I read them to help him learn how far is too far.

I hope I'm doing OK and not encouraging him to grow up too quickly. I don't like to hold back his creativity, but it seems as though his higher reading level might be leading him to read things he isn't quite ready to grasp at six years old. Maybe ten-year-olds handle vampire mice better. I read the book today...that's what it's about.

So, forward we go. I'm going to let his reading teacher know what I've discovered this weekend and see if she has any advice. I've been known to say that I'm still a first time mother. It's the truth, and I will be for many years. Every one of Jace's first is a first for me and I really have no idea what I'm doing! Well, I do know this...most days I'm doing my best. That's the goal, right?

Please, please tell me that's the goal.

Learn Something New Every Day

I can't believe I forgot this one little exchange from yesterday morning, but I didn't think of it until I was telling Scott last night when we were all snuggled into bed. I could have included it in yesterday's quotes, but perhaps it was meant to have it's very own post.

Jace, pride filled: "I'm going to be seven on my next birthday."

Gracie, picture her with her tongue sticking out, saying this in a "ha! ha!" kind of voice: "Your brain's gonna stop growing on your next birthday."

Jace, first defensive, then uncertain: "Yeah, but I'll still be able to learn! Right, mama?"

See, Jace read a book about the human brain last summer and this was one fact that the two of them always remember and tease each other with. At first Jace was very concerned, but he always feels a little better after I assure him he'll still have plenty of space in his brain to fill with fascinating facts. I'm not sure he'll really breathe easy, though, until he's seven years and one day and able to fit in a few more facts.

Tyler Talk

Tyler is our youngest. He just turned two years old last month. So, the fact that he's not talking isn't a huge deal, but it's one of those things that makes my life more difficult. I like easy.

Tyler's pediatrician thought that perhaps a speech therapist could help him verbalize more and after thinking about it some we decided why not give it a shot. It wasn't going to hurt anything, and maybe it would help. It's been four months now and, although there has been progress, it's nothing to write home about.

Today we were working on a puzzle with Miss Melanie, the speech therapist, and she pointed to something and said, "Tractor...well, I guess it's more of a bulldozer." I looked at it and called it an excavator. She laughed, saying, "It's obvious you have an older son too."

To which I said, "And at Tyler's age Jace knew all the names of each construction truck. He'd correct me if I was wrong. That's why we're so befuddled by Tyler."

I know we're not supposed to compare the kids, but it baffles me how Jace and Gracie could be saying so much at this age and Tyler still seems like a baby in so many ways. It's hard to think of him as older because he isn't talking, hardly at all. He does say the "c" sound for cup and very occasionally pops out with a two word phrase like "Dada go?" When he said that it was pretty cute...he had his little hands up and his head cocked to the side, questioning. But it's so rare. I just wish he'd communicate with words!

The really great thing, though, is that his comprehension is perfect. When we were working on that puzzle today Tyler went to the door and pointed at Miss Melanie's red Explorer after he put in the red truck piece. He ran and got his blue pick up and his loader after putting in the those pieces. She was smiling about how smart he really is. At the same time she was shaking her head, "He's got it in him. We've heard him say the sounds. One day he's just gonna start talking up a storm."

Miss Melanie's probably right. I wonder when one of these days will be.

Lesson Learned?

Jace is six. Actually, he's six and a half, which is apparently when a little hellion comes out every now and then. Now, for Jace that usually means taking things too far. He and Gracie and playing and he gets a little rough and she cries. Jace is being a horse for Tyler to ride on and bucks a little high and Tyler cries. You know, that sort of thing . A pretty tame hellion, I admit, but it's starting.

Then last Friday, out of the blue, we get a phone call from the Assistant Principal at Jace's school. He was upset with the way another boy adjusted the radio antenna and spit in his face. The other boy pushed Jace. Jace picked up a pencil and tried to stab him in the neck. Thankfully, Jace was blocked and no one was hurt.

But, yeah...our jaws were on the floor too. We were shocked, angry, worried, frightened. What the heck had happened to our Jace. He'd never been outwardly violent before (and I hope he never is again). But this had happened. So, the school's punishment for any sort of fighting is the Opportunity Room. In my day we called it in-school suspension...and my first grader got tossed in it!

So, today was the big day in the Opportunity Room. This morning on the way to school I gave him a few things to consider while he was in there, assuming he'd have a chance to just think about his actions between all the homework I figured he'd be working on. Without scaring the bejesus out of him I tried to impress upon the seriousness of having to spend a whole day secluded in this room.

I wondered about his experience there all day. When I got to school to pick him up, I waited nervously. Out he bounded with a trophy in his hand! Yes, a trophy.

What?!

So, calmly I asked him what the trophy was for. Jace wrote an essay after Thanksgiving break that was entered in a contest for young Georgia authors. He won - 1st place for first graders. This morning he was given the trophy on the closed circuit TV at the school...then he went to the Opportunity Room.

Even though that is hard to swallow, it gets better. After quietly praising Jace for his award I asked how his day was.

"The Opportunity Room wasn't as bad as you thought."

"Why? Didn't you have to do work?"

"Yeah, I had a little work. But when that was done I got to read the rest of the day."

Seriously!?

If you don't know Jace...he loves to read. He gets six 3rd or 4th grade level books each week from the library. He reads them at least twice before we go back the next week.

So, all in all, on the day Jace was supposed to be taking time to consider the extremely poor choices he made...he got to spend a relaxing day reading, coloring, and getting a trophy. Hopefully, despite the efforts of the school, the message sunk in and we won't be visiting Jace in the Big House some day. Although if he does end up locked up, he's apparently good with a shank.