Chicken or The Egg?

We've all heard the deep, philosophical question about which came first, the chicken or the egg.  If you're anything like me, you haven't put that much deep, philosophical thought into this question, though.  It's one of those things that I've always figured doesn't really matter.  The bottom line is, both need the other to continue being.  If there are no eggs, chickens will cease to exist.  If there are no chickens, eggs won't be either.  I don't really care which one came first back in the day...I see a reason to take care of both. 

That's right. Both chickens and eggs need to be cared for. So, which should come first? Present tense. Right now, which one should be cared for, nurtured, loved in the now?

These are the questions that have been pestering me a lot lately.

There are so many of us mothers who think the kids ought to be first and foremost. We should put our needs on the back burner and give our all to our families. It's easy to think that if we don't jump every time they whimper we're being bad parents or neglecting their needs somehow. But I propose that taking care of us is just as important.

Just like the chicken and the egg, without proper care of both mother and child, something is gonna happen and it might not be a good thing! Scrambling...roasting...something other that well adjusted, happy, healthy poultry - or people, whichever we're talking about here.

So, perhaps the real question is, where is the rooster in all this? Something to think about, huh?

Speaking only for humans, mostly because I don't know much about birds, I think it's up to the adults to keep an eye on mom and make sure she's taking care of herself.  That means there is time to grocery shop on her own, get a massage, read a book without pictures, go out with friends.  There is time.  There is a way.  Make it a priority. 

Scott and I were talking with someone recently who was saying how much crap her husband gives her for trying to get away for a few hours.  This is not a problem with us.  And Scott's response was a great one. 

 "I don't necessarily like staying home with the kids, but as long as I don't have to cook...And it's important for Annie to have that time to herself, for her sanity and mine."

True dat.

Our motto (unwritten) has always been to want the best for the other and you'll end up getting the best in return.  As parents, as a couple, as people - we do what we can to support the other in achieving their best.  It's what we do to take care of each other.  In turn, don't you think we're taking care of the kids too?  (See, I didn't forget about them!)  I do. 

I know it can't be about me all the time, but it isn't about my eggs (turned lovely, little monsters, er...monkeys) either. 

Chicken or egg?

Mother or children?

Both.

Slow Down

I was on the phone with one of my mothers-in-law today and she said, "Maybe you should slow down."  This was after I got the kids out at the mall and went into Barnes and Noble to pick up some books Jace had put on hold yesterday.  We had gotten to the counter and couldn't find the gift card he'd gotten for his birthday.  So, I'd taken the kids back to the van, back home and, after searching the house for a few minutes, had found the card in Jace's wallet.  So, "Maybe you should slow down," wasn't completely off base.  However, had she been in front of me I would have laughed in her face.  Since we were on the phone I laughed in her ear instead!

My Back Itches

Don't you hate when you've got an itch in between your shoulder blades and you can't get it?  Don't you love when you're honey notices you squirming and asks, "Can I help you with something?"

Do you get frustrated when the recycling is piling up and the garbage is overflowing and you notice it but are just so busy with life that you don't take it out?  Don't you love when you've finally finished everything else and you're just about to flop down on the couch for the night and you remember them and head to the kitchen only to see they've been taken out by your love?

Doesn't it drive you up a wall when you're washing a quick load of dishes while stirring dinner on the stove and one of your kids comes up behind you whining, "Mama...can you (fill in the blank)?"  And don't you love it when you're gritting your teeth before growling, "What?" at that innocent babe and you hear, "Come here.  Let Dada help you," from the other room?

This and That

It's Wednesday.  I like Wednesday.  Just thought you should know that.  I hope your Wednesday has been a great one.  Ours has been pretty darn good, even though Jace will tell you it was a boring day.  After all, the highlight of his day was the pizza and Pepsi he got to have at Costco.  Everything else is unworthy of "good day" status in his eyes. 

Visit At Your Own Risk

I love having people come see us.  We do live several thousand miles from our family and it's a joy when they spend hours on a plane just to visit us.  However, lately whenever someone is here I've gotten quite busy! 

Days before my little sister and her son flew in from Germany (via California and a side vacation to Hawaii - nice, huh?) our FRG (Family Readiness Group) President stepped down.  I had already decided to put my name in for an official volunteer position with the command, in fact I may have already done it even.  The last month or so is a blur - so I'm not really sure! 

So, while I was "visiting" with them I was attending meetings to turnover the FRG position so I could step up from the Vice President role.  It's been a busy month with all that being the standing FRG President has meant.  And, on Wednesday, I found out that I'd been chosen as one of two new Ombudsmen for our crew - that's the official volunteer position I mentioned.

On Tuesday night Scott's parents flew in to visit and they're here for all the meetings I'm attending and all the time I'm putting into kicking off my appointment as Ombudsman well.

So, come visit at your own risk!  We'd love to see you, but by "we" I might mean the kids and Scott, if he's around.  If not, could you babysit? 

A Note From My Mom

Dear Annie's blog readers,

Please excuse Annie's long absence from posting silly, enlightening, thought provoking blog posts.  She has been very busy with life.  Things never got so bad that a doctor's visit was necessary, although, a visit with a friend was in order and Annie complied with her recommendations to drink wine and eat dessert.  (The friend technically is a doctor, so if you'd like the doctor's excuse too, I'm sure we can arrange that.)  Annie is really no less busy now, but feeling more organized.  She's hoping to get back to blogging more regularly now. 

Thank you,

Annie's mom

Mixing Hormones, Emotions, and Babies

I put myself out there in this blog a lot, I think.  I risk judgment and ridicule because I think what I have to say might reach someone who needs to hear it.  Yes, many of my posts are entertaining (I hope) or simply reviews of our homeschooling lives or silly things the kids do and say.  But, on occasion, I write something that could be a bit controversial.  Today might be one of those days.

I've thought about this post for a long time.  It's a topic that I've mulled over in my mind for seven and a half years now.  I wasn't sure how to write about it, though.  I'm still not...but I'm going to give it a try.  Recently there was a 4-month-old taken to the hospital and found to have been repeatedly abused by his mother (story here).  This is one of those things that is easy to feel badly about, even get angry about, but to also let go of easily because it won't happen to you or me, right? 

Taboos

What don't you talk about? 

Everyone has things that are uncomfortable to have a conversation about.  Sex, politics, and religion seem to be big ticket items that we shouldn't discuss in polite company, right? 

WHAT?

Perhaps we haven't properly met.  I don't do taboos.  Don't get me wrong, I don't air all my laundry everywhere.  But I do think everything can be talked about, and most of it probably should be discussed in polite company.  After all, if you can't talk about your opinions and values nicely, you probably don't need to be talking about them at all.  I know, I know...people are often passionate about these topics, and that's fine.  But you can be passionate and respectful.  They're not mutually exclusive. 

Is There Anything Better?

Tyler sleeping in the back of the van while the movers loaded our home goods.

Trying New Things

It's been a while since I've updated you on our adventure in primal living, but it's always on my mind.  As part of my goal to be in 2011 I've been really paying attention to what I eat, drink, and do with my body.  I want to be intentional about what I feed myself and my family and not just mindlessly through food on a plate.  I want to be present with the kids when they're running and playing and laughing.  I'm a work in progress.

At least I'm that, right?  If I wasn't paying attention I probably wouldn't even be a work in progress, but whatever the opposite is. 

So, what have we been doing?  We've been getting out more.  We've gone for several walks or hikes.  I've found some local trails that are only a five or ten minute drive so that we can enjoy being outside, without having to worry about traffic or the tide coming in (or the kids running out into the tide!).  Tyler really enjoys the "real trails" so that he can run free!  We're up to about two and a half miles before Tyler asks to go home and Gracie complains that her feet hurt.  I'm pretty excited about that.  Jace, on the other hand, still wants to go further, and is going to have to wait for Dada on that.  I don't think Gracie and Tyler are going to be ready for seven miles up and down a mountain anytime soon!  But we're out and moving and that is a good thing.

We're also trying new things in the kitchen.  We have our old favorites, like banana bread (made with almond flour), eggs and bacon, bison dogs, and such.  But we also have a new favorite: meatza!  The kids really enjoy that!  Green smoothies are another item we've added to our repertoire.  Jace and I really like them.  Gracie says she does and then doesn't drink them and Tyler politely says, "Me get water?"  Just last night we tried another new thing. 

We were at a Super WalMart to pick up something for homeschooling and walked through the produce section to the register.  Jace asked what something was, a red pummelo, and then if we could get it.  I just wanted to get home and almost gave a quick "no" without even really considering his question.  But I didn't.  I stopped and and looked at it and said, "Sure, let's try it...maybe we'll find a new fruit we love!"  So we got it.  Jace did love it!  I kept eating little pieces because I wasn't sure if I liked it or not.  Gracie and Tyler decided quickly that they did not.  But we all tried something new.

So, primal living is going well.  And, one of my favorite benefits of primal living, I don't feel guilt about not always eating primally or staying in to relax and watch a movie when that's on the agenda.  On the flip side, I really do enjoy the kids curiosity more and want to get out and about with them and try things I otherwise probably wouldn't. 

Pet Names

Occasionally it occurs to me that I hardly ever call my husband by his name when talking to him.  When I'm talking about him I do, or I call him Dada and Daddy, depending on what I'm saying.  But when I'm talking to him I rarely call him Scott.  I call him Love, Sweets, Sweetie, Honey, Hun.  He rarely calls me Annie either, but uses mostly the same nicknames for me.  And when I write him it seems odd to sign my name.  I usually just sign "me."  After all, after the content of the message, it's not like there's a question who the letter or email is from!  Right? 

I like pet names.  Not only do I use them with Scott, but with a lot of others too.  Gracie has been Sweet Pea or Sweetie.  Jace often hears, "What, Bud?" when pestering me.  Tyler started the monkey moniker that now refers to all the kids.  I also call him Linus sometimes and Snuggle Bunny other times.  It's quite cute, though - he usually says, "No, me Lyler."  He's most definitely my little Lyler! 

It's not just my immediate family that gives and gets pet names.  One of my oldest friends often calls me Gorgeous!  I mean, really?  Can you beat the feeling of that little window opening on facebook with the words "Hello gorgeous?"  I don't think so.  And she's not just saying it.  She truly believes I'm beautiful.  And I feel it when she says it. 

Isn't that what pet names are about?  Bringing out feelings of joy, being special, feeling loved?  I gotta tell you...when Gracie calls me Princess (although I've never considered myself a princess) I feel special.  And when Scott calls me Ann Marie (which is technically my actual name) that feels incredible warm and loving.  Even when my sister calls me sister, it's a special thing for me. 

So, it's obvious that I'm loved.  It's obvious that I feel it.  I don't really think the power of all that joy and the depth of these relationships are really in the name calling...but the words we share certainly help give all those emotions life. 

Do you have any little names you share with a special someone?  I hope you feel just as happy, cared about, and comforted as can be when you hear your pet names.

Mixing It Up!

So, I was perusing the new books section at the library last week and found a fascinating book called The Wisdom of Your Child's Face, by Jean Hanner.  What really caught my eye was the subtitle: "Discover Your Child's True Nature with Chinese Face Reading."  The Chinese face reading part wasn't anything I'd ever heard of, but discovering my children's true natures...that sounded great!  I mean, I spend all day, every day with them.  Knowing their personalities, tendencies, differences in what nature has provided them might come in handy. 

What have I discovered with this cool find?  That Chinese face reading probably takes years to master.  I've had the book for about a week.  I don't have it down yet.  Here are the basics, though...the Chinese believe that our faces give hints of our futures and tell the tales of our pasts.  In our faces can be seen our personalities, our hardships, our joys.  Some of it is a little hard to accept at face value, if you will.  But I love the idea of it. 

Chinese face reading uses the shapes of our eyes, brows, hairlines, ears, chins, noses, even the little spot between the upper lip and nose, which I learned is called the philtrum, to determine which of the Five Elements are expressed most strongly in us.  The book is broken into sections for each of the Elements.  Within each section, the writing begins with anecdotes of children whose personalities are of that Element then moves on to tell which traits can be seen in a child who matches up.  I found myself nodding as I read through a few of them...

"Yes, this is Gracie!"

"Oh my goodness...that's so me!"

"OK.  No question here...this is Jace."

Tyler was a little less clear, perhaps because he's so young yet.  But I still think I know which Element is his, at least for now.  Hanner states that one element may be stronger in a child's face and personality early on, but then may change as they grow.  Also, there may be more than one Element at the forefront of their personalities.  So, here's what I think we've got going on...

I believe I'm of the Earth.  That Element's temperament is mothering (duh!), stable, patient, and diplomatic.  I think that fits me. 

Scott is Wood, I think.  Wood personalities tend to be direct, focused, strong, hard-working, yet flexible. 

Metal fits Jace.  These people tend to be visionaries, determined, persistent, and organized.

Without a doubt, Gracie is Fire.  She's dynamic and bright free spirit and a lover. 

Tyler was a little tricky, as I said.  But I think he might be lean toward Water, except that he does not like to be in water, unless it's the tub.  In Georgia he'd stand out in that insane heat and walk around the pool while the rest of us cooled off in the water.  The traits associated with water, though, are flexibility and calmness.  I also see a lot of Fire in him too.  So, I don't really know.

Even though I don't have Tyler figured out for sure, I do know that we've got a lot of personality going on! 

And, what am I taking from this exercise?  Well, I heard one time that people who are great in their fields had parents who didn't hold them back.  What if Barbara Walter's parents had shut her up every time she talked?  Or Oprah's?  What if a famous dancer (I don't know any names off the top of my head) was told to sit down every time he or she jumped off the couch.  What is Bill Gates wasn't allowed to stick his head in a book or open his own lemonade stand?  (I don't know if he ever really had a stand as a child...just saying...)

Ever since hearing that insight I've hoped I'm not hampering Gracie's spirit when I ask her not to laugh so hard.  I hope I'm not holding Jace back by telling him that he's not going to have a slew of people join his adventure club.  Hanner's book gave me another lens to look at their personalities through, another way of understanding their true natures.  Hopefully with these new descriptions of my children I can support them even more...somehow.  I can allow Jace his dreams of inventing everything from jet packs to a make-my-parents-let-me-do-what-I-want-inators.  I can hopefully encourage Gracie's love of dance, gymnastics, singing, and, of course, dressing pretty.  Tyler just wants to "play all day."  Doable.

As always, I'm looking for little ways, new philosophies, ideas and suggestions...whatever can help me be the best mother I can be* right now for these incredible kids.  Knowing which of the Five Elements each of my children expresses is another entry in my bag of tricks.

*Um...yeah...I'm totally an Earth Element mama! 

Friday Fill-In #26

It's been a while!  Between Wifey's holiday and homecoming break and my bread for no good reason other than life took over...I haven't been very consistent with these little questionnaires.  But, I think I'm ready to be back at it!  Woo hoo! 

1.What are you looking forward to most in 2011? from Jessica Lynn Writes

Visitors.  As a family of five we're not going to be flying home (WA to NY) on a whim anytime soon.  So, I'm really excited to see the family that can come see us here.  We've got several on the books for March and April and hopefully some more this summer!


2.What is something random you do on a boring night when your significant other is away? from Lovin Ma Soldier

You mean other than answer questions on my blog?  Seriously, though, I do that even when he is around.  So, something I do when he's not around...I watch a lot of Dateline, 48 Hours, Real Forensics...that sort of thing.  They're not his favorites and I am simply amazed by how screwed up people can be. 
3.What has been your greatest adventure as a MilSpouse? from Misadventures of An Army Momma

I feel like right now is my greatest adventure.  Only recently have I realized that I'm in a unique position.  I'm an officer's wife, he's prior enlisted, and I'm on the FRG board.  Bottom line?  I have a lot of people to interact with and a lot of avenues to try when working towards improvements.  I don't fit a stereotype (that I know of) and that's perfect for who I try to be. 

4.What is the ugliest fashion trend you ever bought into (I’d like to make fun of you, so can you please provide a picture as well)? from More Than An Army Wife

I don't know about ugly, but perhaps behind the times.  In middle and high school (early and mid 90's) we were reluctant to let go of the 80's and boldly blended our grunge with our leg warmers! 
5.What was the high point of last month?

Last month had a high point?  Honestly it was a rough month.  I don't even want to think about it long enough to pick out a high point, so I'll just focus on the future. 

Don't forget to go check out other people's answers and join in yourself!  See ya next week!

be

"Be still and know that I am God."  ~Psalm 46:10

I don't think I realized that this psalm was probably in my heart when I picked my theme word for 2011.  

A little back story...I went to college at St. Bonaventure University.  Associated with the school was Mt. Irenaeus, a mountain retreat run by some friars and open to everyone for prayer, reflection, peace, and always a good meal!  Fr. Dan Riley is one of the friars who not only helps keep the Mountain be everything it can be, but he also is involved with several programs on campus.  He was a mentor of mine in many ways and even married Scott and I.  And he has been known to quote this psalm and break it down. 

Be still and know that I am God

Be still and know that I am

Be still and know

Be still

Be

So, there you have it...God's speaking to me using fond memories and new technology.  He sure knows how to get to me, doesn't He?  Especially when I'm not even looking for it. 

So, I want to focus on being this coming year, including being more present and intentional in several aspects of my life...like my writing, my children, my faith.  So, how'm I doing? 

Well, as you can see...I'm writing.  I'm not sure "how'm" is really great writing, but it's what you're going to get these days!  Seriously, though, I haven't done anything to be more present and intentional in my writing.  To meet that goal I like to begin writing for publication and submitting.  Without those two steps, I'm never going to get published.  So, I'll get a move on...some time.  Not yet.  And I'm good with that.  I can only handle so much at once and I'm handling a few other things at the moment.  I'll be more in my writing before the end of the year.  Promise.

My children...well, I think I'm doing pretty well there.  We've sat and watched movies together, without my being on the computer.  We've turned off the television and played with toys or read books without distraction.  We've gone a a few family walks.  Things are improving there, not huge differences, but subtle ones that mean something to me. 

My faith is still a work in progress, as faith often is.  I don't know what religion I identify most with.  I actually took an online quiz to see where my beliefs placed me.  I know...pretty sad, right?  But the thing is that I kind of feel like I've tried to squeeze into the rules of Catholicism and it hasn't fit right for a long time.  So I thought I'd go from the other direction.  The top three answers I got were Protestant, Unitarian Universalist, and Neo-Pagan.  I haven't done much with that yet...but it's a start. 

I do have to say, though, that today's realization that Fr. Dan's breakdown of psalm 46:10 tells me something.  I'm not sure what, yet, other than He's listening.  He's there.  He hasn't walked from me and knows I haven't walked from Him.  I also think, maybe, God's telling me it's perfectly acceptable to only tackle what I can handle.  I might just be reading into things since this is one of those weeks where I'll be taking one day at a time...looking too far ahead is stressing me a bit.  So, in terms of my faith...I think it's OK with God if I'm simply at be and not sure what my path is to "Be still and know that I am God."

I'll work my way there though, in time.

Be

Be still

Be still and know

Be still and know that I am

Be still and know that I am God

How Do You Do It: Missing Dada

Yesterday I wrote a post about how much I love my husband, Scott, even though he many not be Prince Charming.  Today I thought I'd focus on his role as daddy, or in our house - Dada.  He's pretty special there too.  All three kids love their father.  Tyler even admits it sometimes, but not always.  He's probably more like Scott than either Jace or Gracie, and he gives him the hardest time.  It's quite humorous from the outside.  And I don't think Scott takes it too personally.  Thank goodness.  But, when a father is loved, picked on, and looked up too so much, how do you handle a patrol? 

For those who aren't submariners or family members, patrols are about a three month period where Scott is basically out of touch.  He isn't gone for a year or 15 months, like some deployments overseas.  He's not even gone for six to nine months, like surface ships and their fleets.  The biggest difference, in my opinion, is that we have no contact with him.  I can send emails.  They go out and might get to him, might not.  He may or may not have a chance to send a quick note back.  But, there are no phone calls, no regular contact via email or postal mail.  And we're in the midst of a patrol now.

So, how did Scott and I prepare the kids for missing Dada? 

Some families actually video tape bedtime stories or hello messages.  We didn't do that, but we did get a recordable book called All The Ways I Love You, that Scott recorded for them.  We read it twice the first night he left and several times since.  Gracie and Tyler have each pulled it down on their own and read it.  Jace hasn't, that I've seen, but he will go sit next to the other two when they're reading it. 

We got a selection of cards for the kids to open up every week or so.  They're in the "missing you" and "thinking of you" vein.  Today we opened out first and it talked about sending a hug for every day of the week.  The kids are saving up hugs now for Dada when he returns!  Hope he's ready!

I got the kids "daddy" shirts to wear when they miss him. 



"Navy Kid
Toughest job in the Navy"



"My daddy plays in the water"



"Sailor's little girl"

 They love their shirts.  Before the next patrol we night need to get another option because I'm doing a lot of laundry making sure their shirts are clean and ready to be worn!  

And, tonight, Jace and I made submarines for dinner.  They were messy, but totally fun!  Basically, I cooked up some link sausages and let them cool enough to touch.  Jace mixed up some pancake mix, but didn't add all the liquid.  We then smooshed the pancake mixture around the sausages and baked in the frying pan.

What do you think?  We only made eight and they made the rest of the batter, with added water, into regular pancakes.  The submarines were messy to make! 

But they were totally fun to eat!  Jace thought it would be fun to get a black edible marker and paint them black like a real sub and then write "730" on them!  (The USS HENRY M. JACKSON is #730 and is Scott's boat.)  I think he's quite creative, but I'm glad they're nicely browned and not black!

So, that's what we do...not too much, not too little.  We talk about Dada all the time.  We look at pictures and share memories about him, much the same way we do with Grandmas and Grandpas, Aunts and Uncles, cousins, friends.  We have a lot of loved ones who don't live near us...we make them a part of our lives in little ways, even if they don't know it!  We do the same for Scott.  We joke about what he might be eating for lunch when we go to the mall and get Kataluma Chai shakes.  We wonder if he gets to watch Dukes of Hazzard at night.  And we make plans for when he gets back...hiking, playing choo choo, cuddling, reading books.  Sometimes we laugh.  Sometimes we cry.  All of it's perfectly acceptable here. 

We miss Dada.  Nothing wrong with that!  And there are lots of ways to miss him, but this is how we're doing it.  How do you you handle your kids missing their loved ones?

One Word

Have you thought about one word to describe yourself?  I've been asked in interviews to use one or two words to list my best and worst qualities.  I've played a few version of the ice breaker when I needed to come up with one word to tell about me.  Most recently though, I read a couple blog posts that got be thinking about one word that can serve as my motivation throughout the upcoming year. 

Shauna and Courtney both talk about having a concept to guide us through the year rather than setting resolutions.  I haven't set New Year's resolutions in years.  Scott and I are talkers and planners.  We're constantly setting goals, discussing progress, and adapting.  So, I don't see the need to set certain goals at certain times.  Reading their posts, though, got me thinking about a motto for my year. 

In 2010 Courtney's theme word was connecting.  Under that umbrella she worked on connecting with God, family and her blog followers too!  She's chosen simplify for 2011.  I think that's a beautiful word and a wonderful theme.  I think she's going to have a great year creating space to focus on the connections she's worked on this year.  I was tempted to use that concept as my own, but I think I'm going to do something a little different.  After all, I think I'm in the process of complicating my life rather than simplifying it...maybe that'll be next year!




 
Shauna's new year will revolve around love, which I think is completely appropriate.  I don't know Shauna personally, but I feel like her posts are ones that ooze goodness and caring.  Whenever I read something on her blog I feel inspired.  I look forward to reading more about her journey this coming year to love and "doing what I can do where I can do it with all my heart and being."

So, I started by reading these two posts.  I put some consideration into it.  And I cheated...I've always bent the rules a little with these one word games.  It started way back in 4H camp when I had to come up with an adjective that started with the first letter of my name to introduce myself with.  I was at the end of the circle and wasn't sure what I was going to say until it got to me and I came up with "All of the above Annie."  I know, not one word at all.  But fitting. 

My theme for 2011 is also not one word.  But it's the carrot I want to chase this year...I want to be. 

be

It's a little word, although big on meaning.  But because it's so little I figured I might be able to get away with adding a couple others. 

be present

be intentional

And those will be the focus of my 2011.  I'm not 100% sure what that's going to look like yet.  I do know, though, that it'll involve less time on facebook and in front of the television.  I know it will involve exploring my faith more.  I know it will involve focusing on the moments that pass quickly.  Priorities will be determined and life will be lived.  That's what I know for now. 

In 2011, I will be. 
What about you? 
Will you love, connect, simplify, engage, organize, enjoy, hope, teach, learn, follow, shine, or maybe...be?

How Do You Do It? (My Life as a Military Wife)

Perhaps one of my most frequently heard comments is, "I don't know how you do it.  I couldn't be a military wife/submariner's wife."  So, how do I do it?  I'm not sure I know.  But I usually answer, "It's not for everyone, but I just won't except the alternative."  And that's the truth.

But I will try to put a few notes out there for everyone...just in case something might speak to someone else.  So, here goes...

Let me start by saying that some days Scott and I think of his job like it's any other.  In many families, military and civilian, somebody goes to work and somebody stays home.  The worker bee may be gone long hours, may miss meals, might even travel for work.  And the one who stays home is often left shouldering the roles of both parents, living a single married life for a time.  Sometimes we don't feel all that different.

But those days are not these days. 

For the past month or so Scott's been carrying a ton of stress from work and there's little I can do about it.   Not only that but there's little time together to try to do anything to alleviate his stress anyway.  But what I can do, I do. 

• I feed him.  He's not home for most meals, but the ones he is here for I make sure are things he loves.  I also bake to give him something sweet to lose himself in when he comes through our door. 
• I adjust our schedule to his, when possible.  When he was working nights we schooled at a different time of day so that we were all downstairs, out of ear shot, when he was going to sleep and we weren't busy when he was getting up and free for five minutes.  And now that he's working at least 16 hours a day, I am almost always up when he gets home.  That means I frequently nap when Tyler does, but there's nothing wrong with that.
• I listen.  I don't know everything he's dealing with.  I don't understand everything he tells me.  But I give him room to talk to me.
• I talk to him.  I try to share stories of the kids.  I let him know what we're doing.  I don't pretend that we're not still going about our lives. 
• I touch him.  I give him massages.  I kiss him.  I try to take some of that stress and provide a little relaxation.
• I give him a break.  I don't call and ask when he's going to be home.  I don't get upset that he's not home for dinner, or bed time.  I don't complain that he doesn't have time for us. 
• I love him. 

So, that's how I support Scott.  It also needs to be noted that he supports me in all the same ways, except the cooking and baking...I don't think he even knows where to find everything to whip up anything more than a PB&J.  That's neither here nor there, though.  He loves me and that's clear.  He makes sure it's clear to me.  Just last night he told me how much he appreciates me and all that I do.  I know that but it sure is absolutely wonderful to hear.  He also makes it clear to others, which is such a lovely pat on the back. 

Lastly, we give ourselves permission to feel all the emotions that go with the deployment cycle and we don't blame each other for them.  (Here's another link with a little more detail.)

You might be wondering if it's that simple.  Probably not, but maybe yes.  After all, neither of us have energy for drama, complication, or added stress.  And our default is simple:  just keep kissing.

Comfort and Joy

So, I mentioned the other day that a dear friend of mine called.  She frequently helps me see things in a different light, even when I don't know the shadows I've cast over them.  So, while we were talking something was said that Gracie found hilarious and she let go a big ol' belly laugh. 

Over the phone I heard, "I love that laugh." 

It caught me by surprise.  It shouldn't have, but it did.  Gracie's laugh frequently wakes me in the mornings.  It overpowers the television, the story being read, the radio, anyone else who might be trying to talk.  She's loud.  And that's how I've thought of Gracie...loud.  But after that comment I realized she's incredible.  I mean, I knew that.  But her laugh is incredible.  It's honest and heartfelt.  What more could I want?  (Thanks, friend!)

So, since Monday I've been trying to enjoy laughter more.  It's fitting, I think, because this holiday season there's a word that seems to mean more to me than in years past: JOY.  It's such a little word, but I'm finding it packs a punch.  I've noticed the sparkle in the kids eyes - joy.  I've noticed the simple things like dinner with friends - joy, an embrace from Scott - joy, and laughing with my kids - joy. 

I hope that you find joy in the season, joy in life, and joy in your children.  Even when they annoy the poop out of you!  Love 'em, hug 'em...find JOY with them. 

Family Unit Review

Family.  What a fun thing to study this time of year! 

The Gebel family exists in it's own corner of the world, away from aunts and uncles, grandparents, cousins.  So, in Gebel Family Homeschool we studied family last month.  We talked about how family is defined in different cultures, holiday traditions with family, and ancestry.  We found a lot of good books at the library, all of which I've taken back so I can't tell you what they were.  If you're interested, though, in doing your own study about family check out your local libraries for some great options. 

I remember one book we used was a Fancy Nancy book!  It was one of Gracie's books and when I read about Nancy asking her grandfather questions about another family member we both thought how cool it was that it fit right in with what we were studying!  I love when things work out so nicely.

The big project we did with this study was to make family trees.  However, the kids wanted to do something other than a tree...so they did!

This is Gracie's Family Bouquet.    It's kind of hard to see, but each side of the family has a different color flower.  The last name is in the middle with each family member on a petal.  Our immediate family is the flower with all the different colors in it.  The kids are red and Scott and I are each our original families' colors.  Pretty awesome, huh?

Jace chose a winter scape for his family tree.  Again, it's hard to make out, but there are thirteen little snow hills drawn in.  That's all I did.  He then created sleds for each family and pasted pictures of the people we had pictures for and drew in those we didn't.  Each sled had to be pulled by a dog.  After all, "We are in the North Pole Mama.  How do you expect the sleds to go?"  Uncle Jared and Aunt Kate actually have Pickle, their actual pet, pulling them around!  Our family sled has treads rather than tracks and is electric.  For fun he tossed Santa in at the top and declared us all elves! 

I love their creativity and imagination and all that other stuff!  They really do amaze and I'm still so honored to have this chance to be a part of their lives in this very intimate way.  Love them!

But before I get all emotional, let's finish our unit review, shall we?  The last thing we did was to create a list of questions for our extended family members.  Yes, that means all of you reading this will also be receiving a list of very difficult questions to answer and return.  OK, not all that difficult, but please do answer and return!  I'd like to use those questions to facilitate another study of families in the Spring.  In that unit I'm planning on covering a little more about the make up of family and what it really means (family that's actually related and "family" that's not).  We'll also use your answers as jumping off points for a few studies in social studies and history.  Yes, if you're a grandparent - your childhood counts as history for your grandchildrens' schooling.  

So, that's our latest unit.  December is a busy month for everyone and we're doing things a little differently with school this month.  I'll write a little more about that in a week or two!  Until then, happy learning! 

Getting Ready For Christmas

November was a great month of daily thanks.  I think it was a great way to celebrate Thanksgiving.  Starting last Sunday we've been looking forward to Christmas as the holiday season continues. 

We have an Advent wreath on the table and lit the first candle last week, symbolizing the hope of the season.  That's a tough concept for the kids to grasp, but we talked about it all week long, lighting that candle each night.  Tonight we got to light two candles, the second being for preparation: much easier to explain.  Getting ready for Christmas has been the name of the game around here, and today we kicked it into high gear. 

Each day of December we're doing at least one thing to celebrate and prepare for Christmas.  Let's see...what have we done so far?  We've sent all the gifts that need to go out through the mail and started the cards.  Hopefully we'll finish that task this week.  We've also made a batch of cookies and decorated them with friends.  We're doing more of that this week too!  We've read some stories, and checked out many more from the library. 

We got our tree today and Scott's got the lights on it.  The kids and I will be making some decorations and putting them and the ones we already have on the tree this week too. 

See what I mean about kicking it into high gear? 

We've also got plans for going to see Zoolights, go out for a holiday breakfast, finish our shopping, make more cookies, sing more Christmas songs, watch more movies and television specials, and generally have more holiday fun! 

What are you doing to get ready?  Whatever it is, I hope your season is filled with all the love and joy you can handle.