Mixing Hormones, Emotions, and Babies

I put myself out there in this blog a lot, I think.  I risk judgment and ridicule because I think what I have to say might reach someone who needs to hear it.  Yes, many of my posts are entertaining (I hope) or simply reviews of our homeschooling lives or silly things the kids do and say.  But, on occasion, I write something that could be a bit controversial.  Today might be one of those days.

I've thought about this post for a long time.  It's a topic that I've mulled over in my mind for seven and a half years now.  I wasn't sure how to write about it, though.  I'm still not...but I'm going to give it a try.  Recently there was a 4-month-old taken to the hospital and found to have been repeatedly abused by his mother (story here).  This is one of those things that is easy to feel badly about, even get angry about, but to also let go of easily because it won't happen to you or me, right? 

Homeschool Spirit Week

A few weeks ago we had spirit week!  It wasn't as big or crazy as the spirit weeks I remember from my youth, but we still had a good time!  Here's what we did:

Monday - Inside, Outside, Upside Down Day
     We wore our clothes inside out and/or upside down.  We went to Zero Gravity, where the kids take gymnastics, and played during their open gym time. 

Tuesday - 100th day of school!
     We had friends over and had a create-your-own-craft party.  Some of the things were pretty creative, others were just plain crazy!  But we had fun.  We had lunch and ice cream sundaes too!

Pet Names

Occasionally it occurs to me that I hardly ever call my husband by his name when talking to him.  When I'm talking about him I do, or I call him Dada and Daddy, depending on what I'm saying.  But when I'm talking to him I rarely call him Scott.  I call him Love, Sweets, Sweetie, Honey, Hun.  He rarely calls me Annie either, but uses mostly the same nicknames for me.  And when I write him it seems odd to sign my name.  I usually just sign "me."  After all, after the content of the message, it's not like there's a question who the letter or email is from!  Right? 

I like pet names.  Not only do I use them with Scott, but with a lot of others too.  Gracie has been Sweet Pea or Sweetie.  Jace often hears, "What, Bud?" when pestering me.  Tyler started the monkey moniker that now refers to all the kids.  I also call him Linus sometimes and Snuggle Bunny other times.  It's quite cute, though - he usually says, "No, me Lyler."  He's most definitely my little Lyler! 

It's not just my immediate family that gives and gets pet names.  One of my oldest friends often calls me Gorgeous!  I mean, really?  Can you beat the feeling of that little window opening on facebook with the words "Hello gorgeous?"  I don't think so.  And she's not just saying it.  She truly believes I'm beautiful.  And I feel it when she says it. 

Isn't that what pet names are about?  Bringing out feelings of joy, being special, feeling loved?  I gotta tell you...when Gracie calls me Princess (although I've never considered myself a princess) I feel special.  And when Scott calls me Ann Marie (which is technically my actual name) that feels incredible warm and loving.  Even when my sister calls me sister, it's a special thing for me. 

So, it's obvious that I'm loved.  It's obvious that I feel it.  I don't really think the power of all that joy and the depth of these relationships are really in the name calling...but the words we share certainly help give all those emotions life. 

Do you have any little names you share with a special someone?  I hope you feel just as happy, cared about, and comforted as can be when you hear your pet names.

Looking Up...Looking Forward

So, I've written a little bit on here about the difficulties of being a military spouse to a submariner.  I've told about the effects of mixing the Emotional Cycle of Deployment with PMS.  One post I just talked about how I do it, and should probably add that there are many other paths out there.  There are lots of ways to be a spouse, with or without the military mixed in to add stress.  And there was the post where I pointed out that I'm not single. 

I think all those posts have merit, but I also would like to say...take anything I say with a grain of salt.  I'm not perfect.  I have days, weeks, possibly months where I'm anything but perfect.  The last few weeks probably fall into that category more than any other. 

With all my positive words and encouragement of others I was really focused on one day at a time.  We've been busy, I've been tired and irritable and sad.  I kept telling myself that one day at a time was fine, just life as it was going to be for now.  And we'd get through. 

Then a few different things happened over the course of a week or two.  First of all, I spent a night with some girlfriends.  We all have kids around the same age and after we tucked them all in we had plenty of time for wonderful chit chat.  It was great.  I felt refreshed, better but not "my old self."  I'm a planner.  I'm always looking forward.  I wasn't there yet.

Then I had some blood work done and found out my vitamin D levels were low.  Not terribly low, but low enough to take a supplement.  Talking to my personal phone-a-doc friend I found out that one possible side effect of low vitamin D can be mild depression. 

When Scott first left I had trouble falling asleep, which eventually turned into just not even trying to get to sleep until much later than I probably should have been staying up. 

So, to sum it up...not enough sleep, low vitamin D, just a touch of stress...I don't know if I was actually depressed but I was definitely low.  And I didn't even realize it, just thought it was life.  One day at a time. 

Then Sunday I ran into a friend I haven't seen or talked to in over three years.  We were at the grocery store and the kids were crazy.  She and I chatted a while and she even suggested talking to a counselor if I needed to.  How had I not thought of that?  If you don't already know, I have a Master's degree as a therapist.  Going for help when I need it isn't a scary thought for me, like it is for some.  It just never crossed my mind.  I didn't even think about what I was going through being anything out of the ordinary for someone in my position.  And maybe it isn't.  But it's no way to live.

The last two nights I've gone to bed earlier than I have been, still not my regular time, but an improvement.  I've gotten outside with the kids.  I haven't had any caffeine, other than a little chai (stimulates the mind not the nerves), no sugar that doesn't occur naturally.  I feel so much better.  Already I'm thinking of what we're doing later this week, next month, this spring.  I'm me!

I'm me. 

So, I don't think I need to see a therapist right now, but for me just having an enemy (depression) gave me a problem to tackle and helped me make the changes I've known needed changing for weeks. 

I wasn't sure how to put this all out there for you all.  I wanted to share because I don't want anyone thinking I'm some super woman.  I love hearing that I'm transparent on here...I want to be.  I want my vulnerability to speak to readers and say that their imperfections are perfectly acceptable.  We all have down days, weeks, maybe months...but there are ways to turn it around.  Just don't give up...keep looking for that way out, listen when it comes calling, and ask for help when you need it.  It's there.

Comfort and Joy

So, I mentioned the other day that a dear friend of mine called.  She frequently helps me see things in a different light, even when I don't know the shadows I've cast over them.  So, while we were talking something was said that Gracie found hilarious and she let go a big ol' belly laugh. 

Over the phone I heard, "I love that laugh." 

It caught me by surprise.  It shouldn't have, but it did.  Gracie's laugh frequently wakes me in the mornings.  It overpowers the television, the story being read, the radio, anyone else who might be trying to talk.  She's loud.  And that's how I've thought of Gracie...loud.  But after that comment I realized she's incredible.  I mean, I knew that.  But her laugh is incredible.  It's honest and heartfelt.  What more could I want?  (Thanks, friend!)

So, since Monday I've been trying to enjoy laughter more.  It's fitting, I think, because this holiday season there's a word that seems to mean more to me than in years past: JOY.  It's such a little word, but I'm finding it packs a punch.  I've noticed the sparkle in the kids eyes - joy.  I've noticed the simple things like dinner with friends - joy, an embrace from Scott - joy, and laughing with my kids - joy. 

I hope that you find joy in the season, joy in life, and joy in your children.  Even when they annoy the poop out of you!  Love 'em, hug 'em...find JOY with them. 

Today's Revelations

This month I intended to continue with homeschooling, but in a much less formal way and with a lot more focus on activities, crafts, seasonal joys.  Last week I started to wonder if we were taking off more time than we were homeschooling.  But today I've decided that we're definitely schooling.  These kids (and perhaps others) are great! 

See, we were going to play with money today.  I had plans to count it, pretend to pay for things with it, separate the coins, and count it some more!  Instead, just as I asked the kids to get their piggy banks, the phone rang.  I thought about not answering.  I could see the caller ID and it was a friend whom I hadn't talked with in a while that I really wanted to talk with.  I've been missing her a lot lately, so I decided to answer and let the kids count on their own. 

Not only did they count the money, but Jace got his microscope out and studied it!  I never would have thought of that.  And, honestly, if he'd mentioned it I most likely would have brushed it off.  What's there to study?  It's money!  But while talking to my friend and watching him I discovered that there's a lot to look at.  He compared dollar bills - which was faded more, what letters were on them, how they were similar.  He loved it!  And I loved the sparkle in his eyes!  And Gracie counted lots of ways.  She found that she has 240 cents in dimes.  Jace told her that 100 cents equals a dollar and she knew immediately that she had $2.40.  Wonderful.

Wonderful! 

I don't know why I get so excited when they learn something or enjoy learning or something clicks for them or whatever...but I do.  It's just marvelous to see!

So, there's that.  And while we were talking, my friend pointed out that I probably wasn't that far off base focusing on the holidays rather than curriculum.  After all, the public schools tend to do that too!  She's always so great about putting things in perspective.  And she's right!  I got tons of crafts and went to holiday pageants and parties in the years Jace and Gracie were in public school. 

So, the kids are still learning.  And that means, in my eyes, that we are still homeschooling, just in a less formal way.  It's working!  Woo hoo!!!

And I had a great chat with my dear friend.  A great day, indeed. 

Day Book (October 7th)

Outside my window...The wind is picking up after a beautiful fall morning in the 60's.  The clouds are coming in and we'll likely get some rain in a while. 



I am thinking...about homeschooling, marriage, parenting...the things that are on my mind every day.


I am thankful for...the quiet reassurance of my faith, good friends, and kids playing nicely together right now.


From the learning rooms...we're about to do some math and then make a messy squirrel feast to hang outside later.


From the kitchen...the dishes await.


I am wearing...a teal turtle neck and jeans.  My feet are bare and my hair is braided.  And I actually have jewelry on today, a necklace Gracie made me and simple pearl studs.


I am creating...a warm and calm place for my family and friends, and ample opportunities to listen to every one's stories.


I am going...slowly today.


I am reading...God's Little Devotional Book, Paganism: An Introduction to Earth-Centered Religions, and any number of blogs on homeschooling.


I am hoping...to continue the day in the same vein it's been in, quiet instruction by me...children ready to listen, no arguing and plenty of fun.


I am hearing...my wooden wind chimes outside, Jace and Gracie playing in the bedroom, traffic on the highway.


Around the house...there are many little things to be done. 


One of my favorite things...is being connected.


A few plans for the rest of the week:  Tomorrow we're headed to the library and to do a little shopping to finish a package for Uncle Nick (my brother-in-law).  Then we have friends coming tomorrow night and Saturday my cousin and his wife will be visiting for lunch. 

Here is picture for thought I am sharing...

Living a simple life is something that could be incredibly enriching.  I enjoyed this exercise.  If you'd like to, you can take part in it as well:   Check out the simple woman's daybook and see what other women have to say this fall. 

Spring Break

Our vacation in pictures...

Gracie after the big wave:And after we scrounged and found a pair of Liam's shorts (he just turned 3!) and a sweater that Gracie leaves in the van for grocery shopping (she always gets cold). The really funny thing is that just a few hours earlier I was saying how there were certain things my daughter would never wear in my presence. Hmm... The McPhee Family

Jace on a climbing wall at the playground.

A pirate comedy show with sea lions, a walrus, and a cute and quick otter!

Liam and Tyler waiting for the Shamu show to start.

Tyler entertaining himself in the lunch line.

The Dinosaur Restaurant at Downtown Disney.

Digging at the archaeological site while waiting to eat lunch.

Sean and Jace...quick friends. (Sean just turned 8 last month. Jace will be 7 in two months.)

The dolphin show:
This has got to be one of my favorite pictures.

Even the boys were intrigued.

As you can plainly see...we had SO much fun. Tyler got to say "baby" quite often with Claire (1 year old) and Sarah (8 weeks) around. He also got pretty good at "juice," "boat," and "play." He's been saying play quite often lately, but this past week it's become even more intelligible.

Gracie loved being a helper for Claire and Liam. She's already made plans to live near Uncle Mike and Aunt Cathy when she's older. And Jace's favorite thing about our entire trip was the cotton candy he got to eat at the whale show!

Five Words

After college I got married and moved to Washington state, where I attended graduate school. My new group of friends from grad school came to know my bestest friend from undergrad as "My Roommate Cathy." Since they didn't know her personally I always started stories about her with "My roommate Cathy blah blah blah."

(That's how I learned I had an accent. Caaathy. It's a Western New York thing I guess.)

Anyway, I have one of those stories.

My roommate Cathy and I lived together for four years. And four pretty impressionable years. One of the things she impressed upon me was the telling of bedtime stories. We'd be quiet in the dark trying to fall asleep and I'd hear, "Annie, are you awake?"

If I didn't answer she'd wait a minute and ask again. Sometimes she'd just keep talking as though I had answered. If I did answer she'd ask me to tell her a story to help her fall asleep. She probably fed me some baloney about it helping me fall asleep too because I would tire my brain out and then be ready for slumber by the end of the story. Whatever she told me I'd most often go along with her request and tell a bedtime story.

Now these weren't just any stories. She'd give me five random words and I'd work them into a cute little tale about something that left a smile on her face. I'm good like that!

I haven't done that in a while, but every time I leave a comment on some one's blog and I have to type in the word verification to post my thoughts I think about story telling again. Tonight I think I'll weave a story using some of the verifying words I've kept track of. See if you can spot all five.

Once upon a time there was a girl, Lilah, who loved to dance. She was always a little on the plump side and felt self conscious so she danced in the shadows not under the spot light. As she grew her love of dance grew with her, but somehow, maybe because she didn't dance with the full spirit of Gedisti, the Egyptian goddess of movin' and groovin', she married a wonderful man who didn't dance.

The couple lived a very fulfilling life, but Lilah missed shaking what God gave her. Even with a house full of children and chores she wished there were more time for dancing. After birthing all those kids she found herself even more...curvy, shall we say. Her husband didn't mind at all, but she wanted to get a new hessi, the latest in fashion, and wondered how to tone and tighten while cooking and cleaning.

Then it hit her! Lilah turned up the vomns while dusting and doing dishes. She swished her hips and lunged her way from room to room while sweeping and vacuuming. After a few weeks of dingybics she started to feel a difference. Lilah was lovin' life. Her hubby didn't seem to mind either. He even took her to a work party where she tore up the dance floor!

Know what was so great about that night? No, her husband didn't dance with her, but he applauded her along with everyone else because she wasn't flugin on the edge of the dance floor. She flipped, flopped, and flailed right in the center of the floor. She had her time in the sunshine, or at least the glow of the disco ball! Lilah felt great, looked fabulous, and lived happily ever after.

Make New Friends...

It occurs to me that I not only reference country songs for every occasion, as previously thought. After my recent post about sandwiches and this one, about friends, I realize that I find musical inspiration everywhere!

Anyway, two years ago when Jace was getting ready to leave preschool and head into kindergarten his teachers taught him a song that I remembered fondly from my childhood. It goes something like this:

"Make new friends, but keep the old.
Some are silver and the others gold."

I love my friends. I guess if I didn't care for them they wouldn't be friends. But I've realized over the years that friends come in so many shapes and sizes. Some are life long. Some enter my life unexpectedly. Some I didn't realize were friends until they'd been present and accounted for, a stable shoulder, for a while.

I've been lucky enough to have friends from every point in my life. I married the "boy next door," pretty much. And he's not the only one from elementary school that is still a part of my life. There are some friends that I've lost touch with, but have reconnected and others that I've never lost touch with, and many that I happily share holiday cards with and nothing else. I'd feel at ease having dinner with any of them...they're all dear to me.

Through my transitions from small town high school to small city college girl to grad student and Navy wife I've learned even more about friendships...what they mean to me, how I form them, when I lean on them, why I want them.

I'm not going to share any nuggets of wisdom with you regarding my experiences, though. I know, you're bummed. But I don't think I have anything that "wow" to let you know. My friendships have been forged on common experience, good, bad, and long lasting. Those who know me and love me anyway... Those who laugh with me and cry with me... Those who have stories about me that bring joy to their hearts and smiles to their eyes... Those people are my friends.

Thankfully I've made new friends and kept the old and my life sparkles with all the jewels I've been blessed to know.