Ever since I wrote my post the other day (where I ended with this thought, "I'll focus on smiling...smiling is good") I've been been thinking about focus.
I say it often to Jace. He's not very good at it. It takes him forever to tie his shoes. Well, not literally forever, of course. But a long time. And doing his home work...I've started simply saying, "Focus," every time he has an unrelated story to tell or answers a question Gracie asks or starts playing with Tyler. Hopefully eventually he'll learn better concentration. We'll see.
You are probably hearing some frustration in my tone. I can't deny it's there. Things seem not to be going as smoothly as I'd like with our move. Nothing earth-shattering has gone wrong, but just little things that put me off kilter. And Gracie's teacher noted that I looked tired this morning. She's right, but I'd hoped that I was covering that better.
So, I've also been trying to live by my own words, and focus on the ways my marvelous monkeys make me smile. I haven't been doing so well at it, but I've been trying.
Tonight I scolded them a lot, for being too loud, too rowdy, too much like kids. I finally realized that and stopped yelling. Soon after Jace asked if he could come cuddle with me. I love that. He's less than a month from turning seven. While he was snuggled next to me and we were watching the other two little ones frolic I was reminded of one of those pictures where everything is blurry except the subject's eyes or gentle smile. Tyler and Gracie were laughing and jumping and playing. I heard them and saw them, but they were in the background. My focus was on the prickliness of Jace's hair as I pet him and the way he giggled at his siblings.
That's how I'm going to try to stay positive over the next several days, maybe weeks, while our lives are upside down. When I feel like screaming at the kids or the guy driving like an idiot ahead of me I'm going to try to take a little snap shot in my mind. And I'm going to blur all the junk that's not important or positive.
Here's an example from today: I don't have a stove in my room. I thought I did. I was wrong. I bought groceries thinking I did. There is a full kitchen that everyone staying here can use. The key doesn't work. I tried to make breakfast there this morning and it didn't work. The receptionist said she'd be sure it was fixed by tonight. It wasn't. I was frustrated. At the end of the day though...that's all background. We ate food from the microwave and no one starved. In fact, we had a fun little picnic style dinner. Focus.
So, apparently while I continuously remind Jace to focus, I need to remind myself just as often. Feel free to jog my memory every now and then if I seem a little uptight to you. A little shout out could go a long way in helping me think positive and appreciate the beautiful children and wonderful life I have.