I Sigh

I vaguely recall noticing my mother "sounding old" when I was younger. There's no specific memory of this, just a general sense that she used to take deep, cleansing breaths from time to time and that - to me - made her sound old. I feel a little embarrassed admitting that I thought mom was old because of a possible propensity to sigh, especially because she probably wasn't much older than me when I would have been listening to her breathing.

And now, I sigh. Like many daughters do, I've become like my mother in some ways, and if she did in fact sigh a lot, this is one of the ways I'm like her. I sigh a lot. Deep, cleansing breaths.

Tyler: "Mama."

"Mama, mama, mama!"

"MAma!"

Me: (sigh) "What, Buddy?"

(sigh) "Yes, Tyler?"

(sigh) "TYler! What?"

Gracie: "My legs hurt."

"My wrist hurts."

"I bit my tongue again and my tongue hurts!"

Me: (sigh) "I'm sorry."

(sigh) "I'm sorry."

(sigh) "I'm sorry. And stop crying."

Jace: "Can we watch cartoons?"

"Can we watch a movie?"

"Uuuhhhh! I don't want to _____!" (You can fill in the blank.)

Me: (sigh) "No."

(sigh) "No."

(sigh) "Didn't ask if you wanted to."

Scott: "Are you ready for bed?"

Me: (sigh) "Yes."

I also sigh when the washing machine or dryer beeps that its finished. I sigh when I sit down and when I get up. I sigh when trying to get the kids in bed at night and up in the morning. I sigh on Monday morning and Friday night. I really sigh all the time.

(sigh) I did, too, just now. Sighed. Can't help myself. It calms me, gives me pause when I'm frustrated. Breathing helps me relax and gives me a second of rest before embarking on the next task. With the lens that I look through now, as opposed to when I was younger, breathing is no longer a sound associated with being old. It now says to me: Focused. Motivated. Composed. At least that's what I tell myself because I'm certainly not old...just be sure to ask someone other than my kids for confirmation on that.